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cheaters
If you're not happy... please leave.
Cheating has long-lasting consequences.
And those consequences boil over outside of the relationship.
Friends and loved ones often get caught in the crossfire.
Sometimes washing your hands of them isn't the easiest option.
Redditor Dhanissharaghav wanted to know who would stick it out with a cheating friend, so they asked:
"Would you be able to stay friends with someone who cheated on their partner? Why?"
Still Here
"I have in the past, yes. And it's because they stopped. Part of friendship is calling your friends out when they do something shi**y."
- daddytyme428
"This is so important to me. A good friendship is honest and kind, but it also means holding friends accountable. My moral code is pretty simple: Don't hit, don't lie, cheat, or steal, and we're good."
- Glass-Independent-45
We Cool All Good GIF by VH1Giphy
Character Red Flag
"Super dependent on the specifics of the situation. I can be friends with someone who has done bad things, but if they’re unwilling to acknowledge their fault or take whatever actions might be warranted to mend some of the hurt they’ve caused, that’s a red flag about their character as a human being."
- hypo-osmotic
"Exactly. My ex cheated on me more times than I can count, but we were so close I was going to be friends with her when we finally broke up."
"It wasn’t until 2 weeks later she got with someone else and lied to me about a lot of sh*t and I said well, you lost me as someone who respects you and I no longer want any contact. She still tries to reach out from time to time, but still has never gotten a legitimate apology or shown any remorse for her actions. And it’s because she doesn’t regret them. She’s done nothing to mend it."
- rustypennyy
They already had two kids...
"We recently had a situation like this. A dude (who's probably reading this) came out that he had been cheating on his then-pregnant wife with a much younger woman he met. They already had two kids. The wife, who was like 8 months pregnant, asked him to stop and they maybe could work things out but the dude went all-in on the new side piece and moved out."
"So he takes me out for beers to come clean. I knew something was up but I didn't know the details. I explained how bad his timing was... and that it's perfectly fine to leave your spouse (relatively speaking), but that this was not the way to do it. He gave me some sob story about how he's sleeping on a friend's couch and miserable and just wants to make better choices. I write him a long text the next morning telling him we're there to help him and to reiterate that he needs to end it with this chick at least."
"Then, I talked to another friend who told me that it was all BS, and he'd moved in with the other woman. I could have maybe stuck around to help him through whatever it was, but I'm not going to hang out and be lied to."
"So that was the end of that."
- twankyfive
Circumstances
"It really depends. I've ended friendships because they cheated and had some continue despite cheating. It really depends on the circumstances and what happens after."
"If they take responsibility for what happened, show genuine remorse, and work to change, I will be there to support them. If they try to defend their behavior or don't show a concerted effort to grow from their failure, I'm out."
- woogychuck
"That’s how you need to handle bad behaviors in all relationships."
"People make mistakes or are brought up thinking bad behaviors are normal. It’s their willingness to improve or admit their faults that defines them as decent human beings."
- sketchysketchist
Black and White
"It would depend entirely on the individuals involved, their relationship to me, and the circumstances around it. This issue, like most of life, is not a black and white situation as much as so many people like to act like it is."
"If it’s a casual acquaintance I may distance myself from them. If it’s my lifelong best friend who has always been there for me, yeah, I’m not going to abandon them because of it—especially if I know the relationship had problems. That doesn’t mean I won’t tell them they did something shi**y, but I’m not going to give up a person who is very important to me because they screwed up."
- supergeek921
The Bestie
"Dealing with this now. She cheated on her husband with her ‘best friend’s’ husband some years ago. However, she s**t talked about the best friend constantly to me for years (after she slept with him) about how paranoid and psycho she is. The friend finds out after badgering her husband about it for years; he admits it, and she goes on blast. I’m gearing up to delete/block all of them at this point b/c I cannot support lying liars in any capacity."
- Typical_Hedgehog6558
Stay Out of It
"Depends on the circumstances. There are many reasons why people may stray outside their marriage. There are many reasons people get married in the first place."
- AlisonChaines
"Into my 40s and I’ve known more people who have cheated than not at this point. People getting married too quickly when they’re young is a big part of the problem. They’re stuck in unhappiness a decade or two later. I don’t like it, but if I were to disown everyone that’s cheated, I wouldn’t have many acquaintances."
- Substantial_Bad2843
Spectrum of Hurt
"I think there’s room for nuance here. Cheating is awful. It’s usually selfish, and it hurts your partner tremendously, sometimes in a way that can never be repaired. But partners hurt each other all the time through ignoring bids for attention, saying unkind things, letting resentment build, etc."
"Infidelity happens a lot more than people think it does. I’m not equating those things I mentioned earlier with the level of cheating, but I’m saying there’s a spectrum of hurt out there, and lots of people make bad choices in the way they treat their partners. For some, rather than walk away from something that is no longer serving them, they take the path of least resistance."
"It sucks, but we all do it for all kinds of things, so I’m not surprised when people cheat rather than end a crappy 20-year marriage with kids involved, for example. It’s not right, but I think people think it’s easier than turning their world upside down. People make mistakes. It’s why they put erasers on the ends of pencils."
- Ill-Vermicelli-1684
Mistakes
"Yes, because while I don't agree with the mistake they made, it was still a mistake and they're still my friend. My job as their friend isn't to agree with everything they do. It's to be there with them as they grow. And yes, I'm speaking from experience based on working with my best friend throughout that dark part of her life."
- Swankified_Tristan
"As long as they admit it was a mistake and try to atone, I’ll help them through it. If they don’t then I really can’t be around that person."
"I understand now that the women around me implicitly trust the men I’m friends with, so I need to be careful who I bring around. I couldn’t allow a cheater to use me to get to the women I’m friends with and do the same to them."
- Renshato
A Moral Issue
"No, I wouldn't, this is something my partner and I have been arguing about semi-recently. We have these friends who are a couple, they moved back to the guy's hometown and about 6 months later it comes out he had been cheating on her since they moved back. She decides to stay with him, I want to completely cut ties but my partner doesn't. His argument is that it's not our business, my argument is that I don't wanna associate with people whose morals I don't agree with."
- beanboi34
Deep Regret
"I have once. They came clean themself. It happened when they worked away for months. It made our relationship rough for a while, but he definitely regretted it and has done his best to be a better person since so our relationship got better in time and he's one of my closest friends. One of the few I hang out with one on one from that friend group still. People make mistakes. He had a choice between continuing his behavior or being a better person, and he chose the second. It definitely took time, but we got there."
"He and the girl are still friends. Similar situation. It took time but she forgave him, but reasonably chose to move on romantically."
"I think what matters is how people respond. There needs to be growth after. I will not stay friends with somebody who can betray somebody's trust like that, but I may if they legitimately regret their actions and become a better person."
- Injured-Ginger
So High School
"Yeah, I had a friend in high school who was always jumping around from one relationship to another and also cheated on them she didn’t seem to get her sh** together till she dated a mutual friend of ours and still I was Leary of her decisions... I did let her know that her behavior didn’t fly with me."
- MajesticBlackberry65
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The Bad Queen
"I did for a few years. She started due to low self-esteem and postpartum depression. When I found out about it she was 6 months into her first affair and already broken. I had some hope for her as there were flashes of a guilty conscience because her husband was a great guy and treated her like a Queen."
"She was my friend, so I tried to help her snap out of the validation-seeking mindset and recommit to her marriage, but she was too far gone and started f**king every attractive guy who paid attention to her. I gave up when she tried to get me to f**k her despite repeatedly telling her no. I felt bad for her but had to cut contact."
"Last I heard she was divorced and shacked up with a bartender who treats her like s**t."
- panachi19
Unforgivable
"I have a friend in college who cheated on his bf (the guy also has a gf, they both cheated on their partners, poor them) IDK how to feel at first coz what they did was REALLY wrong like that s**t was unforgivable and they knew it, they knew what they did, I kinda lost trust on them and after that, I slowly detach myself from them, I rarely hang out with them and realized they're the toxic one and now I don't socialize with them anymore... lol."
- mesTTupid
A friend is a friend...
"To be honest, I always have mixed feelings about this. A friend is a friend. People make mistakes… but I cannot stand people who excuse horrible behavior. If they’ve messed up and own up to it and suffer the repercussions then so be it, their karma has come to them however, if they make jokes about it and think it’s a laugh or lie to me about details… I personally cannot be friends with people like that."
- nymtrash
It's a tough call.
You hope the people you love will treat others with love and respect.
But humans are so flawed. Mistakes happen.
This will never be an easy end, especially if you're friends with all the parties involved.
Sometimes, you just have to stand back and say, "Not my circus."