As you enter a marriage, the consensus is "what's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours".
Of course, should this marriage end in divorce, that saying becomes meaningless.
Indeed, when couples make the decision to end their marriage, they will both likely waste no time stating their claim in what belongs to them, and what they'll keep after their divorce is finalized.
While most of the time, couples will fight tooth and nail to ensure they keep their marital house, or have full custody of their children, some couples fight equally passionately about things that might not seem quite as vital.
Redditor ChronicWatcher1456 was eager to hear the things the most baffling things the clients of divorce lawyers fought hard to keep, leading them to ask:
"Lawyers, what’s the pettiest thing you’ve seen someone fight over in a divorce?"
Hoping to "Wash That Man Right Out Of Her Hair"?
"I was a divorce lawyer until last year."
"The pettiest request I ever got was a client asked me to get her half the shampoo bottles she left behind when she was kicked out of the house."
“'Like, full shampoo bottles under the sink?” I asked.
“No,” she replied."
“'The shampoo in the shower'."
"'There’s two or three bottles in there with about half left each'."
"'I want half of each remaining half'.”
"I ended up telling her she paid me $50.00 just to send me that email, and I’d waive it if she just went to CVS and got some new gd shampoo herself."- mkkm0593
The Winner Takes It All!
"I am a lawyer."
"I had a couple fight over a Settlers of Catan scorecard."
"The card that they kept track of all of the wins and loses with."
"Hours and hours of fighting over this stupid little card."
"I even had to send a 'spoliation' letter (which warns the other party of consequences of the destruction of possessions or evidence)."
"In the end, we resolved that my client would receive the family copy of the game and a framed copy of the scorecard with his ex-wife's signature on it."
"She got a new copy of the game, but the original card."
"My client was about 35 when they divorced."
"He died unexpectedly three years later."
"I shudder to think about the distribution of that estate with the scorecard out there."
"Thousands of dollars over literally nothing."- Benfranklinballs
Judges Gonna JUDGE!
"I was at my sister's divorce hearing, and the couple before them were fighting over the father's refusal to buy his teen daughter feminine hygiene products but also refused to allow Mom to send with their daughter."
"I thought the judge's jaw would never come back to normal...she asked 'so your daughter has a menstrual cycle?'"
"Dad: 'yes'."
"Judge :'you realize that women need feminine products during that correct?'"
"Dad: 'yes"
"Judge: 'so you don't wish to pay for them'."
"Dad:"yes'."
"Judge: 'and you don't want the child's mother to send them with her?'"
"Dad: 'yes'."
"Judge: 'So what do you want your daughter to do during this time?'"
"Dad: 'I don't care, I'm not spending money on that and her Mom ain't sending anything to my house'."
"Judge: 'Fine, I am ordering that the daughter does not have to visit Dad during her menstrual cycle since he won't provide for her basic needs'"
"Dad: 'That's bullsh*t'."
"Judge: 'Excuse me? You want to speak up so I can hold you in contempt of court? Either provide for your daughter's needs or she can choose not to visit'."
"I was gobsmacked!."- jersey8894
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Ain't Nobody Got Time For This...
"Not a lawyer, but a court paper pusher."
"The ex-husband dragged the ex-wife into court because they'd agreed to split costs for school supplies and extracurricular activities during the divorce."
"The older daughter was on the swim team."
"The husband was there to argue he shouldn't have to pay half of the cost of the $3 swim goggles because he didn't feel the goggles were 'necessary'."
"The judge says 'you don't think goggles are necessary? For swim team?'"
"Then he sighed heavily, then turned to the wife and said 'you've moved to California, correct?'"
"'And you'll be transferring this case there?'"
"'Then they can sort it out'."
"Good luck'."
"The wife flew cross country for that 15 minutes."- Its_Curse
Some People Bring Their Dirty Laundry With Them Wherever They Go
"A $25 service on a washing machine repair."
"The wife owned her own home prior to marriage."
"All the husband brought into the house were his office supplies."
"He paid half the bills, but wife continued to pay the mortgage, insurance, and home warranty herself."
"At some point a washing machine broke and he paid the service fee for the repairs."
"Years later, when divorcing, this man was bound a determined to get that $25 back."
"He claimed in the pleading he was forced to pay and he suffered financial abuse because he had to pay for something that was not his."
"Also, he did not want to meet to figure things out."
"He wanted a judge to order wife to pay."
"At the hearing, the wife pulled out an email from him from years ago when the machine was repaired saying she did not owe him for the washer because, 'I use it too'."
"This email was disclosed before the hearing, but the man refused to meet with us."
"Judge was p*ssed."
"Wife was over it."
"Hubby was ordered to pay wife's costs including my fee."- Life_Park
Everyone Was Seeing Red...
"Not a lawyer but I witnessed my friend's parents spend the whole day fighting about a $40 picture of strawberries'."
"The mom wanted it because she bought and liked it, The dad wanted it because 'she wasn't getting another thing outta the house'."
"The lawyers both made bank that day."
"Their son offered to buy the dad the same picture to let it go but it had to be that one on principle."
"Divorce brings out the CRAZY!"- RoxiKeogh
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Light's Out On This Marriage
"My girlfriend’s dad is a lawyer, it was a lamp."
"Not a special lamp."
"Not an expensive lamp."
"Not one with any sentimental value to either party."
"But boy did it turn out to be the focal point of a sh*t flinging contest."
"Basically what happened was that one person wanted it and the other person said absolutely not."
"By the time litigation was over they were in $6,000 deep, over the lamp."- NotAnUnhappyRock
Worse Than A Door Slamming In Your Face
"Doorknobs."
"I actually offered to buy them both new doorknobs if they would just settle."
"They wouldn't."- OwnAd8929
Always Know What You're Signing Away
"Loss of consortium."
"Basically a law where your spouse or family member can collect pain and suffering."
"A woman signed a prenup but she was caught cheating and wasn’t entitled to anything upon the divorce. In an attempt to collect money regardless, she plead loss of consortium for her mother who grew to depend on the husband’s financial support."
"Basically, the wife’s side of the family was leeching off the husband, and he finally woke up once she was caught cheating."
"It was petty and sad."
"People are wild."- Texas_sucks15
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Literally Sucks.
"Watching it right now between my cousin and her soon-to-be-ex."
"He doesn’t really care if he gets any visits with their 11-month-old son, but he damn straight wants that Roomba!"- Double_Analyst3234
Yikes...
"In my parents divorce my dad got everything, full custody, all of their stuff, everything."
"My dad also sued for my mom to no longer be able to keep his name, so she was legally forced to go back to her maiden name."-SweetCosmicPope
All The Best Stuff Happens Behind Closed Doors...
"While waiting outside the courtroom for my divorce hearing there was a young couple ignoring the f out of each other."
"The girl sat by me and told me that he was her ex."
" He hadn’t bothered to see or pay anything towards their two kids but was demanding and I mean legally demanding 2 pairs of designer socks his mother bought him years before."
"She told me that after she threw him out, the kids made sock puppets out of the socks."
"They were full of holes and sticky glue glitter and such."
"She opened her bag to show me them."
"They were going off into a mediation room and my case got called but damn I’d have given anything to see his face when she pulled out the designer sock puppets and presented them to him."- Peanutsandcheese2021
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Billable Hours...
"Friend was in negotiations with ex."
"He said she didn’t list all the extra shower curtains."
"He was entitled to half of them and argued the point."
"His lawyer had to remind him what he was paying her an hour."
"His lawyer offered to buy him a shower curtain."- MoreConfused58
The Only Thing Scarier Than Facing A Divorce Lawyer... Divorcing A Lawyer!
"My family member started what turned out to be an extremely lucrative family business using his last name."
"He used the profits to expand the business, set up satellite businesses for their kids, and paid for his wife to go to law school (in cash)."
"She graduates and is now in the DAs office and decides she doesn't like he works all the time, travel doe supplies, etc."
"She files for divorce."
"He gave her the family home, cars, chunk of the savings, etc."
"She, in turn, demanded the Family business."
"So he gave her the primary location."
"She then demanded that he agree to a non-competition."
"He fought that tooth and nail."
"But she then demanded and buried him in paperwork and permit and license issues and such from her friends in government until she WON the right to his own last name."
"He couldn't use his own name when he started a new similar business."
"And later when an advertisement put his picture on it, she sued him claiming a violation of their agreement as his photo was the same as using the name."
"After several rounds of separate lawsuits and claims."
"They finally settled."
"He indeed gave up the right to use his last name, but a court finally ruled that she couldn't block him from using his first name as it didn't appear in the original business."
"They then settled the divorce."- AmITheFakeOne
Taking A Cue From Solomon...
"As with many others, not a lawyer."
"I have a close friend whose parents when through a bitter divorce."
"When it came down to deciding what to do with the vacation lake house, they could not come to terms, so it ended up in court."
"The judge, finally having enough of the back and forth, told them to either sell the property and split the proceeds 50/50 or literally cut the house in half, after which he'd randomly assign each one a side of the house to keep."
"They ultimately opted to sell the property."- FlufflesMcForeskin
Some people are willing to end their marriages as fast, efficiently, and inexpensively as possible.
Others will pay more than they've ever paid in billable hours to ensure they don't have to say goodbye to socks, doorknobs, and shower curtains.