Most of us have worked at one problematic workplace, with reasons ranging from toxic coworkers to terrible bosses to unlivable pay. Sometimes, it feels like a joke that the employees are even being paid at all!
But the biggest joke of all might be the end-of-year bonus, or lack thereof. They're at times so laughable, they take the cake for horrible work conditions, or are quite literally, a slice of cake.
Cringing in solidarity, Redditor vomirrhea asked:
"What's the worst 'Bonus' a job has ever given to you?"
Ice Cream Sandwiches
"Ice cream sandwiches."
"We didn't get raises because 'it was a tough year,' and 'your department didn't increase revenue' (we were Research and Development, or R&D)."
"Our competitors brought an ice cream truck and parked it next door and were giving out free ice cream and job applications, and you could talk to their HR while they were there. They were specifically targeting our R&D team."
"Most of my coworkers went because it was a fancy ice cream truck they had seen but never bought from because it was expensive."
"My director freaked out and told his EA to go get ice cream and told people not to go."
"She came back with Value brand ice cream sandwiches. And only, like, six boxes. (There were 120 engineers in our department.)"
"I only remember the managers going over and getting them."
"About two-thirds of my team left within the next six months."
- BaaBaaTurtle
A Very Un-Merry Christmas
"He laid off the crew on Christmas Eve. I was the foreman, so he called me first."
"Then he asked me to call the rest of the guys and let them know."
"I said, 'You do it. I don’t work for you anymore.'"
- bobbysessions449
"The audacity to think he can still give you orders immediately after firing you. F**k these ghouls, man."
- Immaculatehombre
"What a cowardly, pathetic human."
- phantaxtic
Free Coffee
"I worked at a big auction house for people with lots of money, doing manual labor."
"For Christmas, we got a coupon for a cup of coffee........... from the coffee shop in the building. We already had free coffee."
"I still have the coupon. It’s a nice reminder of what I walked away from."
- ohhhhfcuukkkk
"I got a gift card for a coffee shop from my employer for saving them a few thousand dollars in one week."
"I went to the coffee shop, and there was NO MONEY on it."
"I finally decided to ask the company if this was a mistake, and they apologized and gave me a new card. There was two dollars on the card, enough for a small black coffee."
- pantomimist
A Big Slice Of Cake
"The biggest piece of cake..."
"I worked at a company for nine years and through some of its toughest times. I often worked unpaid overtime and went above and beyond."
"These were some of the highlights the boss pointed out while giving a recognition speech about me."
"He ended it with, 'Most families save the biggest piece of chicken for the bread-winner, so keeping with that tradition, I'm offering you the biggest and first slice of cake.'"
"After being recognized in such a manner, I waited for about a month for an actual monetary bonus. Upon receiving nothing, I put in my notice, citing the speech and lack of actual reward for my efforts."
- theonlybuster
Work Is Like A Box Of Chocolates...
"A box of chocolates with five small chocolates. To thank us for the release of a product that doubled the company's revenue."
- ConsciousnessWizard
"This is why you negotiate a new salary when the product is 80% complete, and if we're speaking IT, an unoptimised mess that can only be developed by one or two people because of its complexity. Yes, it's considered in 'bad taste,' but so is doing giving a couple (probably cheap) chocolates as a reward for drastically growing the company."
- South-Suspect7008
Not Really A Raise
"Target, my annual review got me an... eight-cent raise! Oh, and if they increase the minimum wage, you don’t keep the ‘bonus,’ haha."
- workscs
"I got an eight-cent raise once from a former employer. I almost told them to keep it because they obviously needed it more than me, but that would have gotten me fired. $3.20 per week before taxes. Kiss my a**."
- QueenRotidder
Pizza Party For Adults
"We had 11 workers quit on the spot because they wanted to have a meeting with the COO about their wages and schedules, but he shut them down. The office was scrambling to replace them, and it was chaos."
"Later that week, they ordered pizza for everyone 'to show their appreciation for their workers.'"
"Pizza doesn’t pay my bills."
- Fill-Chapo
A Token Gesture
"A poker chip with 'APPRECIATION' written on it... Literally a TOKEN of appreciation."
- yepthisismyaccount
"I bet someone really thought they were clever with that one."
- Kris918
"That is incredibly insulting. I’d hand it back with my resignation letter."
- zirouk
Some Dinner Assembly Required
"My old retail job gave us all turkey vouchers for Thanksgiving. When we went to redeem them, it turned out they were actually just five dollars off coupons if you bought a turkey worth $25 or more."
- CurvyTigerGirl
"My old office gave everyone a frozen turkey. I don’t know whose genius idea it was but they rolled in a chest freezer and handed out frozen turkeys as everyone is leaving for the day."
"It's a really nice gesture, but I'd feel totally differently about it if it were in lieu of a bonus or raise."
- MrsSchnel
The Sweet Relief That Management Was Paid
"Although we’ve made record profits, we can’t give you guys a raise or a bonus, but management will get both."
- Brjsk
"My wife got told that they couldn't afford bonuses because of tough economic times in the same meeting the company boasted about the record sales of the past year."
"All the managers got bonuses."
- JPMoney81
"'If we give bonuses to everyone, management won't be able to get one. Think of my children.'"
- vengefulspirit99
"I worked at Macy's for the holidays one year. We had a record Black Friday, so they got us Little Caesars (one slice per person) while managers had a catered lunch from one of the nicer restaurants nearby."
"Compare that to when I worked for a Hyundai cousin. We met a production goal, so we had an excellent dinner served to us by the management, as well as a two-week pay bonus."
- Mochigood
A Drop In The Bucket
"I worked in sales for a major wood products manufacturer. I sold record-breaking volume to the tune of 51 million for my territory. The second place person sold 12 million."
"I received a 100-dollar bonus. The guy in second place received a Rolex."
"The CEO made a joke about it at the sales conference, 'Sometimes it’s best to come in second place.'"
"I walked out, typed out my two-week notice, and started my own company as a direct competitor of my former employer."
"I’m still in business. They are not."
- rollcasttotheriffle
More Of A Gag Gift, Really
"I worked for a small sales-based company. They were pushing hard for the first ‘Million Dollar Month’ and kept saying they would make it worth our while! We assumed a big bonus, a trip, a fancy steakhouse… something!"
"When we finally hit it… we each got a bobblehead of one of the executives."
"We decided to trade them. The CEO was worth less than the CFO, and HR was worth the least. It became a big running joke until HR sent an email out saying we had to stop trading and joking around."
- bondsman333
We Only Want The Money Inside, Thanks.
"As a thank you, we each received a Christmas card with signatures from the management team."
"It was Walmart... Why the h**l would they think the associates would want a picture of the management team? We didn't even want to see the managers when we were working."
- just-another-taco
"I used to be in Walmart management. Believe me... We knew the cards sucked, but we had bosses too. It was terrible signing 200 to 300 cards knowing full well they were gonna end up in the trash five seconds after being given out."
"I remember one year that they told us we couldn't just sign our name and we had to include a meaningful unique-to-the-individual message. I'm guessing they got complaints, but talk about an impossible crappy solution."
- mturch02
"This reminds me of when I worked at McDonald's, and we got a VACATION FAMILY PHOTO from the owner as a Christmas card. What the f**k?!"
- wharleepoof
A Shoutout To The Economy
"At my old job before this one, I was promoted. They couldn't give me a raise because 'the economy, you know how it is,' but they sure as h**l could saddle me with twice as much work. I was there for three and a half years and never received a raise despite exemplary work."
"So when my coworkers were getting poached by a company we worked with, I threw my hat in the ring and was hired off my initial phone interview."
"When I handed them my notice, I made sure to say that my decision was based off of 'the economy, you know how it is.'"
"Anyway, this coming September, I'll have been with the latter job for 15 years. I get annual raises, quarterly bonuses, a yearly bonus, and company stock."
"Know your worth and go somewhere where they value your worth."
- Ghstfce
The Best Of Bonuses
"After seven years of being a top-five employee in my part of the company and no raises, I awarded myself a new company to work for."
"I was told there wasn’t much of a budget for merit increases, but they had enough money to hire U2 to play at a C-level brunch."
- andymfjAZ
From ice cream sandwiches to pizza parties to coupons, there was no shortage of side-eye potential throughout this particular conversation.
It's also quite ironic that so many of these companies gave bonuses in the form of fun treats when they hardly paid enough for their employees to buy groceries, let alone healthier options.
