All judgment aside, we're all meant to do some things and not meant to do other things, and there are simply some people in the world who would make better parents than others.
Those who decide to parent while knowing that they didn't want kids often wind up saying and doing things that do far more harm than good to their children.
Redditor Enockito asked:
"What's the most hurtful thing your parent ever said to you?"
Outrageous Beauty Standards
"I hate that something so ugly came out of me."
"For context, my mom is Korean, slim, and petite. She had two daughters with a Black American man, and we were never skinny, pretty, or smart enough for her. And she told us all the time."
- black_frost
A Ruined Life
"They gave me the advice to never have children and said that all of us (us six kids) ruined my mother's life."
- bbgmedusa
"First kid, shame on you... But the next five?"
- all4goats
Cancerous Entitlement
"I can't believe you expect so much from us just because you got diagnosed with cancer."
"My mother while kicking me out of her house in the middle of chemotherapy at 25 years of age when I couldn't afford to pay rent on unemployment."
- sKiLoVa4LiFeZzZ
The Projected Regret
"My mom stopped by for lunch while I was home with my four-year-old daughter."
"I was extremely pregnant with my future son, and she made a big production out of bringing fast food."
"While popping fries in her mouth, she asked me, 'Do you ever regret having children?'"
"I looked at my daughter lining up dinosaurs along the length of our couch and then said, 'No. But I think YOU do.'"
"'Huh,' she said while she popped more fries in her mouth. 'You're right about that.'"
"It's a core memory for me and something that comes flooding back any time I wonder if I was wrong for going no-contact with her."
- TheBookishAndTheBard
Failed Returns
"I'll be back to pick you up in three days."
"(She did not come back.)"
- ParrotOX-CDXX
"My kid's bio-mom did this when he was eight. She lost custody now but f**king ch**st, it still hurts when she doesn’t show up for her appointed weekends because you’re reminded of this s**t."
"Some people don’t deserve to be parents."
- violent-amethyst
An Uncanny Resemblance
"Last week, 'I've always hated you because you look so much like your dad.'"
"I told her that was her fault because why didn't she boink someone else?"
- Comfortable-Ad7591
Gaslighting Central
"I was having an argument with my mom and when I told her about some stuff I remembered that wasn't exactly nice as a kid, she said, 'Well, I don't remember that happening, so it must've never happened, and I choose to live in the reality where it didn't, but you can do whatever you want,' and walked away."
"Feelings invalidated? Oh, big time."
- Juda2112
Sleep Comes First
"I broke my arm on a school ski trip, causing the whole trip to come back late."
"Dad picked me up at school and told me he wasn't taking me to the hospital. Maybe Mom will take me tomorrow."
"We got home, and both parents refused to take me as they needed their sleep."
"They put sleep ahead of me."
"The look the orthopedic doctor gave my mother the next afternoon upon hearing this confirmed it was as f**ked up as I thought."
"This was the 1980s, so child services weren't involved."
- stevea1210
No Exchange Adoptions
"When I was 16, my adopted dad told me, 'I wish we had adopted a girl.'"
"It's been over three decades, and now the man can't even remember my name as dementia takes his mind, and I still resent him for that."
"As I noted when this came up elsewhere, there is a silver lining to be had from it. As a parent myself I am acutely aware of just how damaging words can be and even when my kids absolutely were p**sing me off I never said anything like this to them. I tried to always tie chastisement to behavior and not them as a person."
- slash_networkboy
The Favorite Grandchild
"I love your sister's kids more than yours."
"She justified it by calling my husband and me better parents, my husband's parents as better grandparents, and saying that my nephews 'needed it more,' which might all be true, but it still stung."
- Bullwinkle932000
Just Joking
"The one that rattles in my head the most (either not repressed or just recent enough to remember better) was from my dad, after I had lost a bit of weight, said, 'Wow, you actually look like a human being.'"
"My dad speaks in sarcasm so who knows how rude he was meant to be but, man... that one burrowed deep."
- VOODOO271
"My dad operated this way all the time. Everything was always just a joke. And then one day I realized that they might have all been jokes, but they all hurt."
"And this was so much worse to realize, because not only would my dad laugh, but he would get upset about it if you got upset at him for what he said. 'You know I’m only joking!' And then he would act all hurt and then I would have the apologize to him for making him feel bad."
"It wasn’t intentional, but it was 100% abuse. The way he was untouchable like a 'it’s just a prank, bro!' TikToker and how he would use the guilt to manipulate was just awful."
- zerobeat
The Mother Traitor
"My mom supported my ex-wife in the divorce and then told my now current wife, 'I'll help you get all the money out of him when you want to leave him.'"
"She also told me flat out that if I demand my kids' car seats from her, she will never babysit them again. The car seats... that she put into a storage unit."
- Icy_Penguin2786
Superficial Love
"It's weird, but out of the dozens of hurtful things, this one always sticks out to me."
"I wrote a personal essay in my senior year of high school. Real earnest one about myself, my values, and my hopes for the future. The teacher loved it and said it was the best thing I'd ever written (and I always struggled with English class and essay writing)."
"I took it home. Dad reads it, furrows his brow, and says, 'This doesn't sound like you at all.' Then he makes me rewrite it, scrubbing out all the parts he doesn't like and putting in things that aren't true about me."
"I always wonder if it would be easier if he openly didn't care about me. Straight up, 'Wish you were never born' kinda deal. Because a lifetime of someone who 'loves you' in superficial ways demonstrating open contempt, disgust, and disapproval for who you are has been painful."
- LotusFlare
This is a great reminder that people should actively think about who they are and what they want before they commit to having children. There are people in the world who are really not meant to have kids, but when they do, it sometimes announces itself in awful, traumatizing ways.
