Emotions are high during the beginning stages of a relationship, and when an individual is so enamored of the person they're with, they tend to cast aside skepticism.
Who can blame them? They're in love.
But as exciting as it is to be in a blossoming relationship, it's easy to ignore the signs that could indicate the impending downfall, and by the time they're too emotionally invested, it's too late to be immune to ultimate heartbreak.
Curious to hear from strangers online who should've known better, Redditor HappyHappyJoyJoy44 asked:
"What was the first red flag you ignored in your worst relationship?"
The common signs are obvious, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're not ignored.
Lack Of Presence
"Flakiness and excuses."
– Extension_Lack194
"Second this. The flakiness. Saying they’ll do something then forgetting about it. Cheap words that get your hopes high with nothing to show at the end of it. Not just a few times but Again and Again until you realise it is who they are. "
– Say_Fellas
No Interest
"Dismissive comments about my interests seemed minor until they became a pattern."
– ElegantMia
"Yes, this one! I wore dresses a lot and like the color pink. I was always told that was 'too girly' (even though I'm a girl, I was meant to think badly about liking this color). I started dating a high school best friend and he told me 'I don't like cute things' while also telling me how cute he thought I was and how he liked bending down to kiss me. It was confusing."
"He didn't like girls who wore dresses or hyperfeminine (which I am both). He didn't like being romantic and made fun of me when I kept flowers he gifted me. Being dismissive or even ridiculing things is such a huge red flag."
– MrGrumplestiltskin
Incompatibility
"I just broke up with someone who would belittle my hobbies and interests at any given opportunity I’m sorry I hope you find someone who appreciates you."
– ShoesOverboard
"This exactly. About two weeks into the relationship he spent 30 minutes telling me how sh**ty and absolute garbage he thought my favorite band was. I got upset and he said 'Well I'm not making fun of you, just this sh*t band.' "
"He then proceeded to mock me for literally everything I liked and did for the next two years. My taste in music, my favorite shows, my hobbies, what I liked to eat, what I read, what I wore, my friends, my family. He once literally turned me picking a bagel for breakfast into a screaming match about how I only eat gross sh*t and how I do it on purpose to upset him (I had no idea he didn't like bagels???)."
"It turns out it was never about the bagel or the music. He was just a controlling and abusive nightmare and was taking his bad day out on me. I left him after he physically assaulted me. I wish my self esteem had been good enough for me to get out of there sooner. I still have CPTSD over it all."
– Its_Curse
"And of course their hobbies are so much more important than yours. I hate that so much. Used to be with a guy who liked 'educational' passtimes like learning new languages and playing instruments and bs like that (all stuff his parents forced into him from a young age) so of course me wanting to read comics and take hip hop dance classes for fun was obviously just absurd and beneath him."
– anxiousBarnes
Some red flags couldn't be any more red.
Temper, Temper
"Rage. Sudden outburst of rage."
– Strike_Anywhere_1
"This was a red flag I ignored, too. 'He had a bad day,' or 'Wow, he hates this person & is so angry, this person must've wounded him deeply.' "
"Nope, he was just an abusive narcissist. He liked getting angry, hurting others, and making people afraid. It was how he controlled people and situations so everything would go his way."
"I'm glad I got the hell outta that marriage. Steer clear of ragers, it's not a phase."
– Financial_Neck832
Tantrum
"He threw an absolute fit at the quality of hummus in a Lebanese restaurant. Like, threw food around the table, yelled at the poor waitress, then stormed out without paying. Then we went to a pub and he was asked to take off his hat AND OH DEAR LORD was that a mistake."
"I was recovering from an abusive relationship so this guy was...differently bad...which was apparently OK?"
"I eventually had to block him (and his many, many alts) after he accused me of abuse and threatened to call the police. He had read The Ethical Sl*t and decided that he was poly and that I had 'abused' him through mutually agreeable monogamy."
"I now have a good therapist and self-esteem."
– nabbitnabbitnabbit
Ignoring Your Needs
"When they brushed off my boundaries like they were suggestions."
– SnowyShoreline09
"I should’ve known my ex didn’t know what boundaries are when I saw that his parents have two toilets facing each other in their bathroom. The whole family is insane"
"Edit: I just realized this is my not anonymous reddit account, so there’s a chance my ex might find this and see me sharing the family secrets lol."
– mariana96as
"Mine didn’t even have a bathroom door. Just a curtain. They removed the door! No knocking either. They’d look through the curtain, stair for a long moment the say 'hurry up' or walk away with an irritated vibe."
"Boundaries did not exist in that house. Everything was everyone’s business… even my sister’s monthly cycle… :("
– No__direction
Bad Notoriety
"People would give me a weird look when I told them who I was dating, and ask why. They’d say he had a reputation for being an a**hole, but hey maybe he’s different once you get to know him. Turns out he was, in fact, an a**hole."
– GlamSpam
"That she didn't get along with anybody. She was an argumentative and controlling person in all of her personal relationships."
"I ignored all that and thought she'd change but after I was with her, I saw that she blamed everyone for her own shortcomings and had anger issues and mental issues and refused to get help."
– Willing-Hour3643
Social Media Obsession
"Even though they were 'too busy' to respond to texts, they managed to spend the entire day posting on social media."
– imurdigigirlfriend
"Dude, this annoys me to my core. Most recently, a guy I was talking to used to run Call of Duty with me all the time, and now when I ask to chill and game he says he’s too tired for games. An hour later I see that he’s gaming with his friends."
"His excuse: 'they asked me.' Man, it’s all BS. Just say you don’t care to hang out anymore. Same with the social media thing, they simply don’t care to talk anymore."
– notSanii
The original poster (OP) then shared their personal experience.
"Mine happened on the very first date. He said he was late because he was having trouble finding parking."
"He later told me he actually walked to the place from his nearby apartment. Sure, we all make innocuous white lies, but all he did was lie the entire relationship."
These examples serve as a reminder to never be dismissive of any indication that the relationship you're in could lead to bigger problems, or worse, become physically or emotionally abusive.
Although we can be quick to make judgments in the heat of the moment, you have a gut instinct for a reason.
Being cognizant of red flags in relationships and taking action accordingly could be the difference between complete misery and freedom.
Erika Lee
