Reddit user throwaway-egg posted her story in the r/AmITheA**hole subReddit to get some outside perspective on an uncomfortable situation she's facing with her sister.
Throwaway-egg had the opportunity and foresight to freeze some of her eggs when she was younger.
But now her sister wants to have a couple of them so she can have another child.
Her story starts out simply enough, she had the opportunity to freeze some of her ova when she was young, so she took it.
"When I was in my mid-twenties, I froze some eggs. We ended up freezing 10 eggs. I was lucky enough that my job covered part of the costs."
She didn't need the frozen eggs for her first child.
But she and her husband do plan to have more children.
"Fast forward: when my husband and I were ready to get pregnant, we ended up just getting pregnant naturally (I am currently 35, I had my baby a year ago). We do want two more children, so we will likely use a few of the eggs."
Her sister wasn't quite so lucky, though.
"My sister (30) had one kid in her teens (my 12 year old niece) and has recently gotten married. She and her husband have been together for less than six months. Even though she was young, my sisters first pregnancy was a struggle. She has been told that she probably will not be able to have another baby."
Instead of pursuing other options for egg donation, the sister wants to have a baby that is genetically related. Throwaway-egg is really uncomfortable with the idea of her sister having a child that is genetically hers.
She quickly set a healthy boundary and said "no."
"Now, she and her new husband are asking me if they can have one or two of my stored eggs. I instantly told her no, I would feel very weird about it."
Throwaway-egg didn't enforce that boundary for long though.
Bowing to pressure, she gave in slightly and gave her sister an option to make it happen.
"I then softened my stance, and told her that if she paid me a substantial amount of money, I would let her have two eggs. I have been paying $70 a month for the past nine years to store them and paid a hefty fine for the process of removal. I gave her a price of $5,000. I admit that this is mostly done to dissuade her from asking me."
Her sister didn't like the ultimatum, though.
She is now trying to guilt throwaway-egg into giving up her eggs.
"She's really torn up, and blaming me for not being able to 'enjoy sharing a child with her husband'. I told her to find a donor egg, and she would be able to do that. She says she wants a baby that is related by blood (my baby??). I also told her, frankly, that if she can't afford 5K for the egg, she can't afford another baby. Before she got married, she was constantly asking me for money."
When the guilt trip didn't work to get what she wanted, sis decided to involve the rest of the family.
"She has now gone on to whine to any family member or friend in ear shot about how much of a horrible sister I am. My parents are begging me to help my sister start a family, and are saying that if her new husband leaves her because he wants kids, it will be my fault. Other people are even coming out of the woodwork to shame me for not giving her the eggs."
"I feel for my sister, I really do. But these are my eggs. Even if they are not used, they are mine. Am I an a**hole for not giving them to her?"
Reddit users determined that throwaway-egg was, indeed, not the a**hole.
Many were not impressed with the way her sister is attempting to guilt her into something she is uncomfortable with. They recommended that she just not give her sister any of her ova at all.
"NTA. I have eggs frozen and would not give them to another person, not even my sister. You can't take it back so if you're even the tiniest bit uncertain, don't do it."
"Tell your sister you won't do it for any price. The $5k makes your sister feel like it's possible if you waive the cost. You just need to be firm and honest that you don't want anyone but you to have them." -Cat_got_ya_tongue
"NTA - your entire family are being super shitty here. “Start a family,"? She already HAS ONE. Make sure poor niece isn't being ignored in favor of these baby rabies." -butt5000
"That made me really sad and mad too. Some people don't see the value of what they already have. Also, unless they have recent and specific indication from a fertility professional, this might all be unnecessary. Six months isn't a long time trying, And if pregnancy is difficult, wouldn't that still be the case with IP's eggs?!" -quattroformagixfour
"NTA, your stuff, your right. But putting a price as a deterrent was probably a wrong move." -audreyla35
Reddit users were solidly in agreement that throwaway-egg was not in the wrong for refusing to give up any eggs, but many did question if the $5,000 price tag used as a deterrent was helpful or made the situation worse.
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AMC