It sounds like a plot out of a horror movie.
Yet one woman is claiming that her friend was plotting to steal her baby.
Redditor savsheaxo had just cut off a friend, and turned to the "Am I The A**hole" subReddit to find out if she did the right thing.
But this user's story wasn't a typical spat between pals. Instead of a run of the mill argument or misunderstanding, savsheaxo, felt that this friend was capable of hurting her and her unborn child.
After savsheaxo offered a content warning for infant loss and miscarriages, she began her story by introducing herself and her ex-friend:
"I (23F[emale]) met this friend (24F, we'll call her J) in April of 2018. We didn't speak much but from what she told the group we were with, I learned that she currently had lung cancer and had a stillbirth about 2 years before."
While the Original Poster (OP) was going through a joyful time, J was unfortunately not.
In October 2018 I found out I was pregnant, when J was supposedly going through a miscarriage and found out she had a tumor in her uterus. She was the first person in our friend group that I told about my pregnancy.
J was very excited for the OP's pregnancy.
Mid December 2018: I hadn't seen anyone for weeks but finally went to brunch at J's house. J kept saying she KNEW I was having a girl (for context-her stillborn was a girl) and that she was already buying my baby dresses and pink girly stuff, and bought me a pink maternity dress for a photoshoot. (More context- she was doing all this without telling or consulting me.)
Maybe a little... too excited even.
"She also said when she was buying some pregnancy items, the cashier asked when she was due and she went along with it and said my due date... she also said she'd be in the delivery room with me, that she was glad the baby might look like her so she can pretend it's hers when she babysits, and was referring to the baby as 'my baby'. I was insanely uncomfortable, but didn't say anything to her."
J was starting to behave more and more inappropriately.
"A couple weeks later and she was calling my fiancé her baby daddy, and even said, 'I'm the baby's godmother right?' If she and I were close I could understand the assumption, but this girl didn't even know my last name."
The OP was trying to keep her cool, until one night...
"Finally, around mid-February the girls were having a game night and J was there. We ended up leaving at the same time and had a similar route home, so we saw each other on the road."
It appeared that J had followed the OP home!
"I texted the group chat that I got home safe and J responded saying I drove too fast! I figured she just meant that I got home quicker than her so I replied that I was going the speed limit, and I saw her pass me!"
The OP shared the strange text exchange that sent her over the edge:
"J: 'you weren't paying attention at the light though'."
"Me: 'mind ya business haha'."
"J: 'Nah, that's our baby in there.'"
The OP had enough of J inserting herself into her pregnancy.
"I exploded. I replied telling her that first of all it is MY baby, and second how dare you criticize my every move and insinuate that I'm putting my child in danger??? She said it was just a joke and I told her it was not funny."
Afterwards, OP gently ended the friendship with J.
"After that I thought about everything, and I texted her basically ending the friendship. I was as empathetic to her situation as I could be, offering condolences for her lost daughter and urging her to find a good therapist to help her with her grief and other issues. "
She explained that she sympathized with J, but also believed that J needed professional help.
I truly meant it to be heartfelt because I was sure her stillbirth was a huge factor in why she was acting this way. I certainly didn't mean it as an insult, because I think everyone would benefit from therapy.
Still, the OP wanted to know what other people online thought about the situation.
"I guess my question is, AITA for cutting her off? Should I have been more empathetic? Was she just excited and I was being dramatic? I honestly still feel guilty about it at times and wonder if I should've gone about things differently."
Many strangers were happy to judge the OP's actions by labelling her as:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors understood why the OP felt threatened by J.
"NTA
Your friend's trauma and pain are understandable, but her behavior was strange and terrifying." - Otrachicamas
"NTA whatsoever, she was constantly going way over the line. However, I hope for the sake of your safety that the text conversation was enough to keep her away and that she respects your boundaries. She seems to have a bit of an obsession going on, and if she feels some degree of entitlement to your child I'm worried she might show up in person. Someone this unstable might not be able to give up her attachment to the baby as soon as the friendship ended.
I don't say this to worry you, maybe I've just watched too many movies, but is there a non-emergency police line you can call just to inform them that there's a precedent for odd behavior here? They might be able to add your street to their daily driving route or something!" - runaway-bunny
"NTA those are some pretty large red flags, id be concerened for my childs safety as well" - BlingBeanBoi
"NTA. She set off your creep-o-meter, legitimately. Warn your family and friends about how she made you feel and how creepy it was, tell them to keep an eye out for her, and make darn sure the Labor and Delivery nurses know to watch out for her. She is not acting normal, even for someone grieving and sick. Do you have ANY medical proof she actually has cancer and had a tumor???" - maroongrad
"NTA. While it's sad to see a friend go, she needs help that you can't provide. It's totally fair to take no chances with your child's safety." - Just_Damaged_Goods
The general consensus was that the OP was in the right, but some also added that she could have handled it better.
NTA. Your baby is not her emotional support animal. I mean, I wonder if you could have addressed some of it earlier, but I think it was just so weird that you didn't say anything until she really really crossed a line. - libre-m
"NTA. Your ex friend was a stalker and potential kidnapper that you felt it necessary to protect your baby from. Dont second guess your protective instincts.
MAYBE, just maybe, you could have been kinder in how you broke it off with her. But the decision to break off with a stranger who didnt know your name but felt entitled to be the godmother or in the delivery room with you is obviously the right one." - Red_Sparx
"ESH. Seems like you didn't tell her off once and then exploded at her. Should've asked her politely to stop." - PlayBoobsLikeBongos
Though fetal abductions are extremely rare, pregnant women are sometimes targeted by others who want their babies.
In 2019, expectant mom Marlen Ochoa-Lopez of Chicago was murdered and her baby was taken from her womb. The infant later died from the injuries inflicted during the brutal attack. A similar incident happened in 2017 in North Dakota - the pregnant victim was killed but the baby survived in the incident.
