Having a family is a lot of work.
You have your varied schedules, school and things to buy.
But for some couples, the hardest part is having a family at all.
Redditor "FormerSavings1" has been facing this problem, after months of trying hard with their wife to get pregnant.
But now that they've put some time into this, the wife believes it would be best if she focused solely on getting pregnant and treated that as her full-time job.
The Redditor wrote in to the "Am I the A**hole?" subReddit, wondering if they were in the wrong for thinking an income-based job and trying to get pregnant are not the same thing.
The Redditor stressed that they really have been trying hard to get pregnant.
"My wife has been out of work for 6 months due to recent things at her job, none of which are her fault. We have been trying for a baby for over a year with no results, besides IVF and have been working hard to have a baby."
But after working as hard as they have, the Redditor's wife recently threw a curve ball.
"With all this in mind my wife has taken it upon herself (from recent world-changing events) to say that getting pregnant is now her job."
Though the Redditor knows the work they've put into their attempted pregnancy, they also see the value in earning paychecks.
"I completely disagree. She's stopped looking for a job now and has stopped any amount of side work she was initially doing as well. I said to her that her looking for a job would help with the income for our baby later but she says all the work required for making a baby has made it a full-time job."
Not to mention the value of a clean, welcoming home.
"Now I don't necessarily disagree with her that this is a lot of work but I've been working 70 hrs/week for the past 6 months, I don't want to come home and find out I have to do 50% of the chores because she was 'working all day' as she says."
The Redditor hasn't voiced any of this to their wife yet but needed to know if they were in the wrong.
"I find this to be a cop-out and quite frankly lazy and ridiculous. Now I never said this verbatim to her but these are my thoughts. AITA for this?"
The Redditor also clarified they know each pregnancy is different.
"I want to be clear before we start, I TOTALLY understand that being pregnant has a multitude of different effects on different women. I understand that some women have it easier than others in terms of their pregnancies, like some women can work on their feet until the day the baby is born whereas some can't after 3 months; that is not the issue at hand."
They also understand there's a major difference between having a job while being pregnant and while trying to get pregnant.
"I understand BEING pregnant can be a job in and of itself but getting pregnant is something else entirely."
Reddit replied, emphasizing that their fellow Redditor is NTA (Not The A**hole) for believing in sharing the workload.
On the contrary, most think that focusing some of her energy elsewhere, such as on a job, would actually be good for their relationship and chances of having a baby.
"NTA. As someone who had difficulty getting pregnant I can say stress can play a factor. However it doesn't mean she should live completely stressed free while expecting you to carry the financial burden and also half of the house chores. She can only do half of the job of trying to conceive. She needs you to do the other half."
"In fact, staying at home and becoming baby obsess[ed] is pretty unhealthy. She needs to redirect her attention elsewhere (like working)." - bearbear407
"Yeah, she's taking advantage of you. Getting f**ked and watching netflix is not a job."
"If it was, could you please direct me to the line where I can sign up?"
"You really shouldn't be doing 50% of the chores either if she is home all day. Vacuuming is not stressful." - Jurgen_Wildwood
"Plus, if getting pregnant is a job, then f**king him must be a chore. Yuck."
"This poor guy-- she has reduced their intimacy to work." - NotThatValleyGirl
"Well, and when you're trying to conceive there's only like one week a month that you're fertile and can actively try! It's a really stressful time for sure, but unless she's exercising round the clock and taking vitamins and meal prepping healthy foods, I really don't see how you can make it a full time gig.. Even on the fertile days." - ObiWanCombover
It's clearly important to this couple to have a baby, but it seems even more obvious that something needs to change.
It would probably help in their situation if the Redditor talked to their wife about this, and if the wife did something to pull some of her focus away from trying to conceive.
By the end of this, if all they've thought and talked about is having a baby, their relationship may look quite different.
The book What to Expect Before You're Expecting: The Complete Guide to Getting Pregnant is available here.
