Learning that your partner is cheating on you can be a devastating blow to your confidence.
It's difficult to let go of someone that you love (or at least really like).
The emotional toll, denial, and feeling the need to compare yourself to a romantic rival, can lead to some not so clear thinking.
We've all witnessed this fairly common scenario in relationships marred by cheating; People focusing their anger on "the other man/woman" instead of on the person who broke their trust.
A Redditor posting under the username booberellla—and who also identified herself as "Sam"—found herself on the receiving end of her roommate's rage after proving that her boyfriend wasn't being faithful.
Sam then took to Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) to see if she handled the situation wrong.
booberellla , a.k.a Sam, started by naming all of the players in her tale.
"I'm Sam, my roommates name is Lauren, and her boyfriends name is Mark."
Sam then gave some background on Lauren and Mark's short relationship.
"Lauren and Mark have been dating for maybe four months. Mark always hits on me. Like always. As soon as Lauren walks away, Mark is laying it on thick with compliments, and asking when our lease is up."
Sam knows she's attractive, but says that Mark is crossing the line, especially since he is always in their home.
"I wear a lot of body-con and sometimes low cut clothing , so I expect to get glances maybe mild staring. But this guy is very obviously hitting on me, and often times in ways that make me uncomfortable, especially since he is always at our apartment."
For some reason, Lauren just wouldn't believe the stories about Mark.
"I have told Lauren several times that Mark hits on me, and she just rolls her eyes. She doesn't believe me, which is confusing to me."
They'd been roommates for five years, so Sam was shocked that Lauren wouldn't believe her about this new guy.
"Lauren and I have been roommates for five years. In that time she has dated three other guys, and I have never complained about this before."
Sam thought up an experiment to show Lauren that Mark was being inappropriate behind her back.
"So yesterday she tells me that Mark is coming over. I was like, great, I told her if she would just walk upstairs in our apartment building, and tell Mark that she was going around the block, she would walk in and see him hitting on me. She actually agreed to do it to 'humor' me."
Lauren played along, and hid herself when her boyfriend arrived.
"Mark gets to the apartment, and I am just doing the dishes, I tell him that Lauren went to the store up the block, but she is really right outside the door."
Mark started behaving like he usually did.
"He sits at the counter and starts chatting with me normally, then the conversation turns to him hitting on me. Normally I just walk away from Mark, but I endured it so that Lauren would see/hear."
Lauren had an unexpected reaction to her boyfriend's flirting.
"She came in and told Mark to go to her room. Then she then she starts yelling at ME. Saying I saying I tried to seduce him and that I dressed like a slut."
In maybe the most epic comeback ever, Sam owned up to her personal style.
"And I'm like 'always dress like a slut Lauren! Who cares! Your boyfriend is hitting on me!' We argued and both said some stuff to each other."
Sam started to think that she did the wrong thing... so turned to Reddit for advice.
"She and Mark are staying in her bedroom and we haven't spoken to each other since. As I'm thinking about it, I'm wondering if I am an a**holefor even trying to do this but at the same time I think she sucks for not believing me in the first place."
She doesn't want her great living situation to be interrupted by the silly drama.
"I live in New York. I love my neighborhood I don't want to have to find a new roommate because of this idiot. If I did an asshole thing please tell me. AITA"
Well, the public readily gave Sam their opinion, and everyone was in agreement that Lauren the roommate was in the wrong.
One Redditor pointed out the flaw in Lauren's logic about Sam trying to seduce her boyfriend.
"Not The A**hole (NTA), if you were trying to seduce him then why would you be continually trying to tell her about it and warn her. Her anger is completely misplaced, probably because she is in denial that her boyfriend is a f'ing sleazebag" - 1_Justbreakup
A fellow Redditor agreed that Lauren just wasn't thinking straight.
"NTA, but she's fallen victim to the tired mentality of shooting the messenger. It tends to happen in these situations - she doesn't want to face up to the fact that her boyfriend is awful, so she's blaming you, despite the fact that none of her prior boyfriends have been stinkers like this guy."
"Hopefully she'll come to her senses eventually and realise that if you had in fact been trying to seduce him, you wouldn't have brought any of this to her attention in the first place." - AdderWibble
Indeed, why would Sam alert her roommate to Mark's behavior if she was the one that was flirting with him?
Another responder pointed out that this confrontation would have happened sooner or later, and probably would have been worse if later.
"NTA - I think things were going to implode eventually anyways because you were uncomfortable and you would have continued being uncomfortable until something happened where this same scenario happened later or Lauren found out on her own. Putting it off for longer would have made it worse." - chaoticridiculous
A commenter said that Lauren left Sam no other choice but to show her what was going on.
"She didnt believe you and you proved your point in the best way you could. Also, love your self awareness. And, what you are wearing doesnt matter when her bf is being a total creep in your home!" - kgofo001
Maybe most importantly, Sam is allowed to dress however she wants and not worry about creeps, especially in her own home.
"NTA. Dress how you'd like. If a dude is hitting on you because he thinks he can get away with it while his significant other is away, he's a major prick. Doesn't matter how you dress. You've been complaining about this for a while now- here's to hoping that your home situation improves." - TinyFriendlyGhost
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Another Redditor agreed that Sam's clothing had no bearing on Mark's behavior.
"NTA How you dress has no bearing on his behaviour Him hitting on/flirting with you is his problem you aren't responsible for that or your roomates reaction." - ellie9197
Sam hasn't updated the original post, but we hope that Lauren takes the time to cool off and rethink her relationship with Mark. It would be a shame to ruin their five year long roommate-ship over some guy.
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