The Sweetest Revenges

1. In Need Of Some Training Wheels

My brother had just turned 16, got his license, and got a car from my parents. Then trashed his bicycle—just because he said he didn't need it anymore. I was 13, and my bike was what got me around.

My brother is a jerk (in case you can’t tell) who gets grounded a lot and grounded from the car too. At that point, he would then just help himself to my bike. After many warnings, I took matters into my own hands. I loosened the handlebars on my bike.

Seeing the handlebars pop off the bike and him eating the street was a glorious day in my revenge book.

theraf8100

2. A Boy Only A Mother Could Love

When I was in 7th grade, there was a boy who started spreading rumors that he and I hooked up. My revenge may have been a bit too cruel, but I mean, that was a big deal in middle school:

I told his mother.

I even teared up a little bit for effect when I told her the story. She went home, tore him a new one, and I got a phone call apology. Screw you, Evan.

sambucca66

3. Don’t Forgive, Don’t Forget

I think I can safely confess this now. It has been probably 8 years. I got hired by a law firm to do their IT and to do training. It was a 50/50 split of IT and training. Soon it became all training, and the IT was handled by a few people.

After a while, someone else wanted to do training, so they asked me if I could take someone on to teach them. I did. This was the beginning of the nightmare. It turns out that person really just wanted an easier job. They soon learned that training wasn't EASY.

They wanted to go back to not training. However, I had planned so many different training lessons with this person that I couldn't have that person just leave without finding a replacement. Anyway, the firm was starting to feel the effects of some financial shifts and was starting to let people go.

When this little problem showed up, my whole world changed. The company took it upon themselves to decide to cut training altogether. I no longer had an IT spot and I was no longer needed for training, so they brought me in and fired me because of some trumped-up charge.

They said I had logged in from home and clocked out. Which I had done, but I always did because I worked on training packets from home and had permission to from the IT Director. Anyway, I got a job at a different place and started to work and forgot about the firm for a while.

One day I am working for the new place and they are about to buy a huge piece of land. They need to build a new office downtown. It is going to be a huge, multi-million dollar building and purchase. It is going to be our home office for over 10,000 members.

As it turned out, the firm that I left was going to be the lawyers to handle the sale, looking to make the firm a nice hefty fee on the sale AND purchase. Enter: my revenge. I convinced our president that the firm was not secure.

To prove it, I hacked into their server using some inside information I had from when I worked there and showed my President how EASY it was to access personal information. He dropped them that morning and went to another firm.

What is even better is he talked to other places and convinced them not to use them, too. I don't feel great about that because it ended up costing a few people in IT their jobs once word of WHY people weren't using them got out.

But still, one of the people to be fired was the director who lied and said he never gave me permission to work from home.

jaxmagicman

4. Eau De Toilet

Back in college, I lived in the fraternity house and shared a bathroom with several other guys. I noticed my bottle of cologne went dry much faster than it normally did, and I started to take my toiletries back to my room since then.

Before I did though, I peed in the empty bottle. Throughout the semester, I'd take note of the fill line and how it got lower and lower. I finally told my suitemates they'd been spraying themselves with my pee after I moved out.

jat0369

5. Waste My Time, I’ll Waste Yours

My jerk manager put me exclusively on night shift when he knew I had a very pregnant wife at home. He then gave me a poor review despite an inch-thick stack of printed e-mails from customers saying I was awesome.

Fast forward 10 years and my wife (who works in HR) hears a familiar voice next door in a job interview. After the interview, my wife pokes her head in and asks: "Was that [my manager’s name?"...it was indeed my old manager.

"Let's have a chat about him," she says to the interviewer.

He didn't get the job. When she told me, I was happy for a month...mainly because he'd never know it was my wife that completely screwed him over.

olafthebent

6. One For You, One For Me

I worked in IT at this company. The IT department has its own budget, and one particular line item is for chairs. My chair had just broken, so I looked around for one that wouldn't ruin my back like the last one did.

It was a $400 chair and the budget was already allotted for it. I told the finance guy who took care of ordering from vendors the chair I wanted and sent him a link. He said he would order it right away. Two weeks pass and my new chair comes. When I saw it, I also saw red. It's the exact same model as my last horrible chair.

Needless to say, I was unhappy. A couple of months go by and the finance guy wants his computer upgraded. Not only does he want an upgrade, but he wants a laptop as well so he can take it home. I then denied his upgrade for two years, and when he did finally get a "new" computer, it was a hand-me-down from another department.

advicevice

7. A Chain Reaction

This was the last of a series of revenge pranks. The first prank I tried to do, I did because every day this guy came into my office (I do a lot of work for him) he would see a picture of my mom on my desktop (I was homesick) and he always commented on how hot my mom was.

So I decided to ask my mom to call him at work and call him a bad influence and whatnot, which she thought was funny. This backfired on me so badly. It turned out they ended up chatting for an hour after he realized it was a joke and he told everyone in the office my mom was trying to pick him up.

Then every single day for two years he asked me "How my mom was doing and when she was gonna call next". He even copied down her number and called her to wish her a happy new year both years just to get at me.

At my five-year pinning at my work (weird eh?) he told the story to a room full of "higher-ups" and of course, I turned red. This is when I decided how to get him back. I had recently become single and he was giving me advice all the time about how I needed to go out and play the field.

I ended up finding out his daughter's name and looked her up on Facebook. I asked if she would help me prank her dad and she agreed so we went out for dinner and I took a picture of us drinking out of the same drink with two straws.

I got it developed and put it in a heart-shaped frame on my desk. Then I got my boss to let it slip to him that I have a new beau and that I have a picture of her on my desk already. He came straight in and stood in silence for a bit and muttered "but that's my daughter."

Since I did that prank, he has stopped asking me how my mom is doing. Also last Christmas, I got a mug made with that picture on it with "World's Greatest Dad" written on it.

JCurry2

8. What’s Yours Is Mine

I was skiing a while back at a local mountain. I didn't have nice skis, but they got it done. At the end of the day, I set my skis in the last slot on the very full rack and turn to go inside. I hear a crash and I turn around.

Some idiot had knocked my skis out of the rack and was placing his own very nice expensive skis in the rack. I turn and confront him:

"Hey, those are my skis that you just knocked over, what's the deal?"

"Sorry man I just got these skis, they need to be set in the rack, can't have them getting ruined ya know? Plus your skis are really bad, so I'm sure you won't mind putting them on the ground”.

Stunned, All I could do was agree with him.

"Yeah you're right man, My skis are pretty rough aren't they? I'll just store my skis over here on the floor”.

"Thanks bro, I appreciate it”.

I was fuming. I saw the guy head for the lodge. My next move made perfect sense to me. Me and this gentleman had just agreed that it was time to upgrade my skis, so I did just that. I gathered my things, minus my own skis, and I scooped his skis off the rack, then hopped on the bus back to school.

He was right, they really are nice skis.

Chahles88

9. Don’t Bite The Hand That Helps You

When I was in middle school and high school, there was this guy in my friendship group who always teased me about being overweight, like maliciously. It didn't stop there. As we grew up, he started having gatherings purposefully not to invite me.

He also tried to take my stuff when I'd have him around with my friends, not to mention threatening to beat me up when we were alone together. The guy was a horrible person, but at the time I felt I had to stay civil and be “friends” with him because I was afraid of losing friends I actually cared about.

Anyway, skip forward to when we are 16. By then we've all realized how much of a monster this guy was being and decided not to hang with him anymore. I'd also lost a LOT of weight so he couldn't taunt me about that anymore.

He found other people, but my revenge wasn’t typical. See, he also developed epilepsy. We weren't sure if it was genuine or not because at the time there were a lot of people faking illnesses by “fainting” and having “fits,” so we thought he was jumping on board this trend. Also, he was not a good person.

One day after school he pops up on messenger to me typing things like “hlfp meegy”. Initially, I thought he was just fishing for attention, but after about five minutes I figured something serious was happening.

So I ran to his house (it was about a 10-minute walk from mine), looked through the window, and saw he was home alone and on the floor sort of twitching. I eventually got in through his back door, which was unlocked.

I put a pillow down to rest his head and moved what furniture I could out of the way so he wouldn't hurt himself. I called emergency services and then his parents, who were out shopping at the time, rushed home.

Once he came to, his parents explained what had happened and he looked at me. That look man, it was like he knew what he did to me through school and to see what I did for him brought him right to his senses. That was pure guilt.

I left without speaking to him but that look was good enough for me, that he truly felt bad for what he did. It's not your conventional revenge story I guess but the fact I made him feel so bad and regret those years, it was worth it.

lunaratlas

10. The Past Is Present

This lady at my last job was a real witch. Not just to me, but to everyone. She constantly interjected her opinions into conversations that she was not a part of. Would constantly try and throw people under the bus.

Try to get you to tell her personal information about yourself, then turn right around and spread gossip to others about you. Straight-faced during all this and she knew people did not like her....she just simply did not care.

People would try and pretend that they were friends with her just so she would not torment them or back-stab them. But the part that ticked me right off was that she was a horrible driver, and we took the same route home every day.

She would tailgate me, then when she got bored with that, she would cut me off. I am talking like swerve in front of me with maybe inches to spare before hitting me. On a street route with a speed limit of 55mph, she would be going around 80 mph.

Almost every day…and she would even bring it up at work the next day. Something like "So, you need to speed up and stop causing a traffic jam". In comes my revenge. I got sick of her antics and one day decided to look up her driving records to see if she had gotten tickets before.

This stuff is of public record where I live. What I found was so much more than I could hope for. She had been detained before, for walking the streets if you see what I mean. At first, I was going to go viral with the information and let all my co-workers know, but that felt too wrong.

So eventually I printed out the court docket and laid it on her desk...only where she would see it. She found it. From my desk, I could see her face turn from shock to horror as she glanced around the office. I felt good.

primesrfr

11. Cruising For A Bruising

I am a car enthusiast and work on my Jeep quite often. One jerk in my high school continually messed with my car, so one day I took four jack stands and a floor jack to school. During a study hall, I put his car on blocks and hid the wheels and tires all over campus.

The best part was I never got in any trouble.

disturbed_pickle

12. More Than A Little Inconvenience

My old neighbor is a horrible, crusty man who will fly off the handle at any chance he can get. One night he lost it because I parked in front of his house for an hour. We exchanged choice words. A couple of times he threatened to kill me. But I knew exactly how to get at him.

Knowing full well that he's a small business owner, I went home and signed his personal and business email up for thousands of mailing lists. The process was fairly slow at first, until I found the FDA mailing list site that will let you sign up to 2000+ mailing lists.

I added his business address to computer security lists, retail lists, you name it. I was furious when I started the whole process but after two hours of this, I had worked myself into a calm, trance-like state.

Does the punishment fit the bill? I don't know, but if you are going to be a curmudgeon, you deserve to have unfavorable things happen to you.

ectalGoPro

13. A Taste Of Their Own Medicine

In high school, I had an issue with someone taking my gum out of my backpack. I ended up painting the top piece in each row with the nail polish used to stop nail biting. Hilarious.

eric960430

14. Big Brother Is Always Watching

One of the kids in my brother's special ed area informed me that some kids had been picking on some of the more severely disabled kids. That part of the school had a huge range of kids and disabilities—this one was neurotypical but had some serious learning problems.

So, I just went there and followed my brother. I watched as some little sophomore pushed him down and called him names and spat on him. So I sucker-punched the guy and kicked his ribs in. It worked well.

He wore the black eye for a good two weeks and it was still visible after that. His ribs had to be wrapped for a while too I believe. I got suspended for a week. The principal asked me to apologize, and it offended my dad and I both.

It was a school in a really nice neighborhood and fights were extremely uncommon, so a lot of people wanted me expelled, but the principal has a disabled kid and he was kind of on my side. Meanwhile, my dad bought me a new video game and gave me $100 to enjoy my week off school.

I knew that this was my duty and he was happy that I did it.

ThoughtRiot1776

15. That’s A Stretch

I had the evilest teacher in 2nd grade. She hated me more than anything. So one day I raised my hand and for about 30 minutes she didn't call on me, but I was persistent. My hand got so tired but reluctantly she called on me. The joke was on her. I already knew what I was going say: "I was stretching"

She looked at me for two seconds, then started to shake in anger. You could truly see veins on her temple. She put me on read that day, but I know it ruined her day.

CobyFingers

16. Standing Up

My brother was a massive monster to me growing up. We moved to a new town and I made friends while he fell into addiction. He also tried to keep doing the awful older brother thing. Finally, one night at dinner when he was laughing at me because of something nerdy I said, I just replied "I don't care what you think of me. I have friends”.

The snide look on his face just dropped. I know it sounds like a small thing, but it was a turning point in our relationship, and was extremely satisfying.

krebstarpatron

17. Lay Back And Watch It Happen

My ex-wife left me for another guy. This guy was average looking but made good money. Six years later, she has 5 kids, got fat, is broke and calls me complaining about how much she can't stand him or her new life.

The best thing about this "revenge"...I didn't have to do a thing.

pb5434

18. Revenge Of The Nerd

Years back I was a manager of a tech support department for an ISP. The company had two call centers plus a data center. I had to manage all personnel, so we used AIM (I know, I'm old) to communicate between buildings.

This new CEO comes in and decides he needs to eliminate all chat clients because "people can use them for non-work purposes”. In case you didn’t already know, he had no IT background whatsoever. When I heard his “solution,” I nearly burst out laughing. His idea? Just use the phone!

Never mind that when I'm being messaged by a subordinate, they are already ON the phone with the client. Can we just create work-only handles? No. He says he'll have our developers build an internal chat client "at some point". This never happens.

So, since I'm also admin on the mail server, I start reading this fool’s email. And wouldn't you know, he has been spending the vast majority of his time emailing back and forth with his girlfriend in Colorado.

Even sending, er, “pictures,” back and forth, quite a few taken in his office. I printed the whole load of them out (it took about a ream of paper) and handed them to the company owner. Dude was fired the next day.

The moral of the story is, if you're going to mess with the admins, you better make sure you’ve got a clean bill of health.

sp0rkah0lic

19. I’ve Got Your Back, Bro

I used to live with a buddy who was dating this girl none of our guy friends got along with. She was insecure, super prissy, and clingy all at the same time. The final straw was when she started “inviting” herself to guys’ night and then complaining that all we did was drink and play video games.

So fast forward to them getting engaged. She practically lived at the house now and it was high time I got a different abode. So, as my parting shot, I gifted my buddy four years of a bunch girlie mags. I think it cost me a grand total of $54, I got some deal.

Worth every penny. My buddy gets to see beautiful women and she gets volcanically mad every time they arrive. And since the bill comes to me, all I have to do is renew it. Sweet, sweet justice.

squizzix

20. Monster-In-Laws Get Monster Punishments

My mother-in-law is the worst person in the world. When my wife was pregnant, all three of us had to share a house; her mom because she's worthless and got kicked out of her last place, and my wife and I because we were trying to save some money.

The things this old woman did, oh my God. She tried splitting my wife and I up on numerous occasions. She would tell everyone that I was mistreating the both of them. She would stomp around late at night on the main floor to wake us up; we lived in the basement. Then it got much worse.

Once our son was born, she seemed to reach her final form/ Often, when we would have dinner, we would leave the plates in the sink for an hour or two and do them when our boy went to bed. She would stack our dirty dishes and take them downstairs and leave them in front of the door.

Play her horrible Ukrainian polka music late at night. Loudly. Constantly make fun of us, and me in particular, about how we were raising our son. She would usually get home before me, so she would hide my mail.

She’d also send threatening letters to my parents. I didn't find out about this until a couple months ago. I found a handwritten note from her to my wife recently and it's the same as the letters. We moved out of there before my boy turned one, so I doubt he remembers this, but my wife told me that she caught her mom telling him that his dad is an idiot.

Of all the things she's done, that was the worst, and I can't forgive her for it. Being new parents and all, the first year of my child's life should have been a wonderful experience. He'll only be a baby once, and we should have been able to enjoy the wonderful world with him.

But with my mother-in-law, we constantly had to worry about what craziness she would do, and she ruined that first year for us. I look back at those times, and I can't really remember witnessing my boy growing. I can just recall her garbage and I hate her for it. However, I had just the plan for payback.

When we moved out, I took a couple days off work to deal with it. At the end of it all, we had left a few small things behind that I could pick up in my car. My mother-in-law had also left a box of things for my wife to take that I was supposed to get.

So early afternoon of the last day, I go over there and notice she's at work. I can go freely throughout the house. I check all the rooms to make sure I had grabbed everything, and then I come to her bathroom.

I see her toothbrush sitting on the counter. I had an idea. I had been working hard all day moving, and was pretty sweaty. So I figured I'd clean myself with her toothbrush. I scrub every inch. Everywhere. It felt amazing.

I leave it in the same spot that I found it and go home. I never told a soul and she never said anything about it. But I know she used it afterward.

isoceles1980

21. We Are Never Getting Back Together

​My girlfriend and I moved to her hometown with my then two-year-old son, and we were staying with her parents while we saved up to get a place. Well, the week before Christmas she decided she didn’t want to be with me anymore.

She called me at work saying, "Come get your son, I've already packed your stuff”. I arrived there to a heartbreaking sight. I find my son in his PJs on the porch with no coat, standing next to our things while she was inside with her family and new boyfriend.

We took a bus back home and stayed with my parents. As I was unpacking my stuff, I found a customized T-shirt of hers that she mistakenly packed with my stuff. It was a screened T-shirt with a picture of her little sister who had passed at eight years old the previous year, and it was the last Christmas present she had gotten from her.

When I saw it, I took my laptop outside, set it on a stool in front of the burn barrel in the backyard, and proceeded to Skype call my ex. She answered with, "Before you say anything, I am so sorry for wh...HEY HOW DID YOU GET THAT!" as I started to douse lighter fluid on the shirt, and then proceeded to light it and throw it in the burn barrel before her horrified eyes.

Permalink

22. A Kentucky Showdown

This happened 20 years ago. My girlfriend is Japanese and had moved back home. I went to visit her in Japan, my first time there. We were doing the long-distance thing.

She had taken a job as a translator working for the city where she lived. She was new at work and the tradition in Japan is to take new employees out to drink, usually within a month or two of their starting the job.

I was staying in her parents’ house, so one day she explains that she will have to go to this new employee drinking event and will be home quite late, don't wait up, have dinner with the folks etc.

I'm eating with her parents, knocking back drinks with pops when my girlfriend appears at the table, kind of swaying. She says her bosses heard about her “friend” and they want to meet me. Whatever. We get in a cab, and on the way to this thing everything begins to change for the worse. She explains to me that I am going to see something of Japan that foreigners don't see, but to stay cool and no matter what happens she can handle it, just stay cool. Cue the foreboding music

We arrive at a sleazy karaoke bar and it turns out that she works for the local city council. The mayor and the city council are all there for this party. My girlfriend is the only woman, and there are maybe ten or twelve men much older than either of us.

The city council and the mayor are totally gone at this point and treating my girlfriend like a piece of meat. They would make her sit in their laps, or make her get on stage and sing a duet while drooling on her.

Needless to say I am very unhappy, but I promised to stay cool and well, it's the city council. I sit there all steamed, trying to decide who to hit first. There is a council member a bit younger and more sober who looks over and with my girlfriend translating asks me what is my problem? Revenge enters my mind, a clear glowing pathway to revenge.

With my girlfriend translating, I explain that I'm from Kentucky, and in Kentucky we drink bottles of Jack, and there’s none in sight here. All these dorks immediately hear the word “Jack” and start kind of chanting this, they want to act so cool.

The mayor says something to somebody, and a bottle of Jack shows up with 12 or so glasses. The waiter pours one, and before anybody can move or say anything I grab it and slam the glass back on the tray. Then I just look around the room.

Every guy, in every country, everywhere in the world knows this challenge. This needs no translation. I made all those guys take drink after drink. No toasts, no clinking glasses, just, you think you are cool, well, let’s go boys.

I realized really quick that half of them were faking drinking it pouring the shot in potted plants or wherever. Probably they’d been faking all night to “excuse” their behavior. At that point I realized, I broke that party up in five minutes straight.

I saw the whole crew several days later at a festival. They spotted me in a crowd, but they didn't wave, and neither did I. And yeah, I married her, best thing I ever did.

weaselsripmylesh

23. Spotlight On Revenge

This was my revenge on my wife's behalf. I worked for the BBC. I controlled the lighting on a music program "Top of The Pops". One day, they replaced a dance troop with a new lot.

One of them went to school with my girlfriend, now wife, and she told me of her bullying and arrogance and how she made my wife’s life miserable.

Now, quite a few performers can be a bit diva-ish, so this tracked. I also went to the same school and never noticed it, but being a studious kid I never hung with the in-crowd. I basically thought it would go fine. When I got to the studio, that changed.

The dancer recognized me and, thinking I was an audience member, said something along the lines of, "Hi there, fancy seeing you here. I'm a performing here you know, I might get you into the green room later, you can collect autographs".

I know that doesn’t sound so bad, but she said it with a certain tone of voice and twist of her lip that irritated me deeply. So when their spot came along, I dimmed the spotlight on her to make sure the camera never paused on her.

I did it the week later too. There wasn't another chance, as that dancer was let go. The camera didn't like her. I feel bad about occasionally, but there it is. I've done many acts of kindness since.

Lard_Baron

24. Don’t Fake It, You Won’t Make It

A guy had hutzpah to apply for a job using completely made-up credentials. He even listed himself as the CEO of a completely fictional company with offices in London, Berlin, Sydney, New York and Rio de Janeiro. But that wasn’t the worst part. His portfolio included projects he had ripped off my own portfolio website. Not sure he knew I worked at the company, but extremely stupid either way.

Our HR person noticed and sent me his link. He didn’t get the job. When friends in other companies asked me if I knew him, I decided to get even. See, the one thing he forgot was to register the URL he listed in his email signature.

So I did it for him and set up a redirect to the Wikipedia entry for "impostor”. Last I checked, that domain had 2,000 hits. He found out someone registered "his" domain, but he still has no clue who it was. I love domain privacy.

twobucksandsixcents

25. Childhood: Ruined

When I was about 14 years old, my friend and I were really into the anime show Yu Gi Oh and would get pumped after every episode we saw. This one time after we finished watching an episode, we decide to play the Yu Gi Oh card game for keeps.

After a heated one-hour game, I manage to squeeze out the W. My friend is obviously upset and grabs my rarest cards and chucks them into his turtle tank. He had a Snapper, and that turtle messed up my cards.

At this point, I storm out of his house and devise a way of getting back at him. It’s then that I remember he liked chocolate. I proceed to poop onto a napkin and cut it into several small bite-size pieces. I then roll them up into small, milk-dud-shaped balls and pack them in a Ziploc bag.

The following day I meet up with him and offer him some chocolate…He ate an entire nugget before he realized what I’d done. I don’t think I’m a bad person, but when you mess with a 14-year-old’s Yu Gi Oh, you’ve messed up his childhood.

guywhoeatsblindnuns

26. Peaked In High School

There was a girl in middle school who was a holy terror. She tormented a friend of mine who had Tourette’s and a bad stutter. She would threaten us and write untrue stuff about us in the bathroom stalls.

She would make fun of our clothes, our hair, everything. We would meekly take it because she was really scary, and had a little posse of girls who hung on her every word—but were probably just as scared of her as we were.

Fast-forward ten years. My awkward friend is engaged and a teacher in a ritzy private school. I just got a great job in an office, and I had moved out and bought my own car. I went to the local gas station, walked in, and who should be working there but the holy terror!

She actually tried making small talk with me. She was still living at home and I could barely hold back my glee as I told her how well my friend was doing, how hot her fiancé is (he really is) and how I just bought a new car and moved into my own place.

I could almost see her ego shrink. Living well really is the best revenge.

Permalink

27. Direct And To The Point

When I was in first grade, there was a girl in my class who was always mean to me. I don't rightly remember how, only how much I despised her. One day she got snotty with me on the playground…and I kneed her right in the chest.

Five-year-old me was not to be messed with, apparently.

Patternsonpatterns

28. A Prank Gone Right?

My girlfriend and I are in a very fun relationship, and we always like to joke around and prank each other. One time when we were passing by a toddler’s section in a department store, she told me she was pregnant.

She thought I wasn't ready yet and would freak out, thus giving her a good laugh. It turned out she was wrong. I was pretty ecstatic about it and she was surprised. She started crying real hard and I thought there was something wrong.

Things started coming into my brain like I'm not the father of the child and such. Only, she was crying because she was so happy that I was ready to commit to her and to a family. But she also felt guilty—after all, she did it in good fun and now had to crush my dreams.

To make amends, she was extra nice to me and pampered me that week. I think that's a pretty great revenge. Also, I’m engaged to her now.

PotassiumAlum

29. Down And Brown

I have this friend who is a bit of a legend. He was out with a few friends at the pub one night and he noticed that his pint of Guinness went missing when he went to the toilet. He just assumed someone took it mistakenly and ordered another one.

My friend goes to the bathroom again, comes back, and what do you know his pint is missing again!! So he says to the guys, I’ll be back in a few. He comes back acting really distracted, scanning the room all the time.

His friends are like what are you up to!?!?...."Oh, you'll see". After a few minutes, he starts bursting out laughing as this guy across the room starts puking all over the place while simultaneously throwing a pint of Guinness to the floor.

Well, my friend had bought another Guinness, went to the bathroom, and pooped in it. He then left it on the bar for the thief to enjoy. As I said, a legend.

mitchellack

30. Didn’t Have To Lift A Finger

I was in my early 20s, living in NYC, and my then-boyfriend blew off date night to go out with co-workers and drink. This was fine, except I had left some work-related stuff I needed for the next day on his desk, so I let myself into his place. The next events sealed his sorry fate.

I was in his office when he came home bamboozled with a woman who was definitely not me, and was equally blotto. Unquestionable infidelity ensued. I was too shocked to react and let myself out after they had gone to sleep.

I knew I needed to end it but felt too ashamed to admit I knew he had cheated. So I showed up at his door early the next morning with no warning and proceeded to end it for infuriatingly vague "this isn't working for me" reasons.

He proceeded to go a bit nutty. There was a lot of begging and crying over the next two months on his part. He suspected I knew and proceeded to accuse all of his co-workers and friends who had been out that night of telling me. This only revealed to them that he was quite the prize.

His accusations and volatile behavior in the workplace apparently escalated and made people uncomfortable, and him a liability, so he was let go. I was told all of this by a former friend and roommate of my ex. The roommate also thought his behavior was despicable and slowly began to cut ties.

They also signed a new lease without him. With no job and no roommates, he had to move back to his hometown and in with his parents.

CrackersDoMatter

31. Stormy Weather

This all started in my freshman year of high school. As many of us know, this is a time of insecurity and apprehension for boys at this age. Well, what was I insecure about, you might ask? I was very insecure about my height.

In my freshman year of high school, I stood at 6 foot 11 inches, making me the tallest kid in the school by a solid five inches. And keep in mind that I was a freshman. Well, I didn't like being tall. It made me stick out, and everyone wanted me to play basketball.

I wanted neither of these things. I just wanted to be a normal kid, not some tall freak (my thoughts at the time). So naturally, when I started getting harassed and called names by a kid two grades below me, I wasn't very happy.

I knew that I was getting singled out because of my size, and ultimately my size made it impossible for me to physically retaliate unless he hit first. So anyway, one day I was just in a bad mood. I'd been fighting with my mom earlier that day about grades, and everyone just seemed to be particularly awful.

The fourth bell rolls around and this kid starts getting up in my face wherever I went, calling me all sorts of foul names. I was shaking with anger, but all I could do was clench my fists at my side and take it. I was in a truly awful situation.

But then this kid who loved tormenting other people made a very unwise decision. I anticipated that he would say it one day, he just happened to do it on a day when I was REALLY not taking anything. This kid looks up at me and says, "Hey freak, how's the weather up there?"

Without a second thought, I proceeded to inhale hard through my nose, bringing every bit of mucus down into my mouth. I then proceeded to bend down to his level, spat on his head, and said "It's raining”. Every person in that hallway saw me do it, and every person was laughing at my tormentor's misfortune.

Ironically, he told on me and wound up getting me into trouble. My punishment? A 20-minute detention, administered by the chuckling assistant principal. Because I stood up to this kid, I gained school-wide fame. Oh, and he also stopped bothering me.

XtremeGuy5

32. Paying For It

I don't know what will come of it, but I got a letter from the IRS saying I owed $10,000 in unpaid taxes plus penalties yesterday. I found this confusing since I had no income in the year they specified, so I called the number the letter provided.

An hour on hold later, I cleared up the issue. The letter was actually for my father, who has the same name as me. They had him still at my address. I pulled off my revenge flawlessly. I VERY quickly gave them his current one. After the years of mistreatment and what he put my mother through since the divorce, I slept like a baby knowing the IRS hate train was heading at him thanks in part to me re-directing it at him.

HighKing_of_Festivus

33. Fuel To The Fire

In college I worked for a laboratory that farmed student researchers out to local businesses. We were supposed to direct the research and produce publishable results. I was farmed out to this biofuels plant.

The man in charge of me was one of those people who oozes incompetence. I was supposed to spearhead a new research project where we used an alternative method to process lower-quality oil into biodiesel. In addition to me, the guy I worked for also hired a "biodiesel guru" at the last minute.

This was a celebrity in the biodiesel world, Maria Alovert (who for some reason calls herself "Girl Mark"). Now, this woman’s claim to fame is inventing the "Appleseed" home biodiesel production method—innovative and useful, but not really relevant to what we were doing.

I was immediately put to work sweeping floors and washing dishes, and she was put in charge of the actual research. This continued even after the lab complained that they were paying me to create publishable results, not clean up the lab.

It also quickly became apparent to me that Girl Mark was not doing anything. She had no idea what she was doing, did not understand the method we were working on, and got extremely rude and defensive when I asked her questions. But it took a bigger turn. Then lab equipment started going missing.

I tried to bring this to the attention of our boss, and he fired me...in an email. He wrote a diatribe about how Girl Mark is an icon in the biofuels world and how dare I accuse her of this kind of thing, and she is doing a really great job and I'm not doing anything.

No big deal, my boss at the lab put me on a different project and cut off his relationship with the biofuels plant. I also wrote the director of the biofuels plant an email about what happened.

Two months later I get a call. It's the director. He asked me to come back to work for the plant, paid by them this time. Girl Mark had disappeared with thousands of dollars worth of equipment, there was a warrant out for her, and the guy in charge of the project had "resigned" and they needed someone to take it over. I had the perfect reply locked up.

No thanks. My old boss went to work repairing home furnaces. Years later, my landlord brought him over to give a quote on a pretty big job. I approached him later and said, "I used to work with that guy”. He asked what he was like and I said, "He's full of hot air”. The job went to someone else.

stoicsmile

34. Honesty Is The Best Policy

My ex and I were engaged to be married and the wedding had been paid for by my parents. It was big, fancy, and all his idea. Then one day, I got a call from a Russian girl claiming to be pregnant by him.

He was in the Army and was stationed in Alaska for some time and I was still home. When I confronted him, he of course denied it, swore it was a lie and a desperate attempt at her getting to stay in America by being knocked up by a soldier.

I was young, dumb, and believed him. The girl called me over and over. To this day I don't know how she got my number, but whatever...about three months prior to the wedding, his best friend called me telling me that it was in fact true and that he had been unfaithful for months leading up to him coming home.

I finally talked to her, and she told me she'd even be willing to do a paternity test. She claimed not to have known about me until recently before she started calling. Angry and confused, I gave my ex a chance to explain himself and come clean.

I hoped he'd just be honest and we could somehow work through it, but no. He lied to me, straight in the eye. He told me I was crazy to believe some "dumb Russian princess”. So, I told him that I wanted him to consent to a paternity test.

He refused. But there was something he hadn’t kept in mind. What he failed to realize was that his CO was really good friends with my father, along with HIS father. My dad got hold of this information (because I knew what he'd do, I told him) and gave his two buddies a call and they got the Grandpa to do it.

Turns out, he was in fact the father of this soon-to-be beautiful little girl. He now has to pay child support to a woman who doesn't let him see his daughter, lost an incredible amount of respect from his officers, and had to pay my father back for the wedding that never took place, downgrade in apartments, and sell a lot of his musical equipment.

In the process he had to sell his beloved car that he loved more than anyone/thing, and I took the engagement ring and sold it, got $10,000, and went on the honeymoon but took my friends. We spent the 10 grand like it was nothing.

Permalink

35. A Hate Follow

One of my college girlfriends decided it was a great idea to sleep with of my good friends in my bed while she was housesitting when my family and I were out of town. Once we got back to school, his dorm room was right across the hall from mine, and she basically moved in, which, as you might imagine, compounded the problem.

They finally got an apartment about midway through the semester and moved out, and a couple of months later she calls me and says he's a jerk and can she come over. I said sure, she comes over, we get it on.

This happened a few times, and the last night she says: "I was going to ask if we could get back together, but I figure your family probably hates me," to which I replied, "They're not the only ones. Get out”.

LoquaciousMime

36. It’s Getting Hot In Here

My first wife told me to grab my stuff and get out before she walked to the store and back (about 10 minutes)., She also said that she was in love with one of my friends...some would have packed, but not me. I grabbed her box of “toys” and rubbed them all down with my ghost pepper sauce...revenge is sweet and ouchie.

kodidoggie

37. Words Have Weight

When I was in grade school, I was chubby. I wouldn't even say fat. My small private school needed five players to have a basketball team and fell short at four, since no other boys in my grade wanted to play. This was partially because the coaches were mean, and partially because they didn't like sports.

I hated basketball quite a bit but I knew how much the four who signed up loved it and looked forward to the season. Anyway, once I joined up, one of the coaches decided to start calling me names. It started when I couldn't keep up with my other teammates since I was fatigued from recovering from the flu.

Then he started calling me names on a more frequent basis, and I became the source of all blame for our poor record. Oh, we aren't making free throws. That was my fault. Oh, we lost by 20 points? My fault. He continued to belittle my weight and thus the other players and people I thought were my friends thought it was okay to do so as well (even during games, in front of the girls in our grade).

It shattered my self-esteem and left me with permanent damage. Among other things, I still have very severe anxiety, which I am working on overcoming but mainly rely on medicine. Anyway, I saw that same coach last year at a fancy restaurant. I am all grown up now (mid-20s).

I was out to dinner with a gorgeous blonde I was dating at the time, so I decided to completely embarrass him, as he had done to me for three years. Since I was now in perfect shape, looked great, and had a hottie by my side, I knew it was my turn to strike back.

I sat with my girlfriend at the bar and waved to him. He waved back and looked confused until I approached his table where he was sitting with another man (who had a bunch of papers out on the table).

I started it by disarming him of any alarm in his brain that might be saying. I walked over and said, "Are you Coach K?" in an excited tone of voice. He responded, "Yes I am," then I said, "Oh yeah, you used to be my basketball coach! Remember me?"

He must have thought I had forgotten all about how mean he was, and he said, "Oh yeah, how are you?" with fake excitement. That’s when I dropped the hammer. I responded, "I am doing really, really well after years of not doing so well. You probably know me better as ‘fat boy,’ since that is what you called me for three years".

He began to say "What uhh, I didn't, what are you talking about" and then I continued, "Yeah, because of you I developed very bad social anxiety, which troubled me for years and on top of that I was depressed from when you started coaching me until a few years ago”.

“Unlike you, I lost weight. I saw your family at church the other day and something occurred to me. You're fat, your wife is fat and ugly, as are your children. That must really, really suck. I am now very successful and own my own company, drive my dream car, and date women I never thought would talk to me. Also, screw you”.

I then promptly left with my girlfriend. He looked absolutely dazed and dumbfounded. The look on his face was that of "Did that just happen?" It gets even better. He was at that restaurant to interview to take on a coaching position at a private high school (upgrading from middle school to high school).

The athletic director heard what I said and didn't hire him. I found this out when his wife called my parents and said that I had threatened him and he takes that very serious and I need to call and apologize and because of me he lost a great opportunity to be the head coach of a big high school basketball team.

I was beyond happy. It still makes me smile. I saved many youngsters from having to be tormented by that guy. I never called to apologize, and I never threatened him...not quite sure where that part comes from.

Permalink

38. Scientifically Proven Revenge

My high school physics teacher once told me I was too stupid for a career in science, ending my dreams of being an astronaut. I now direct a STEM education project and am a second-year PhD student in Science Education.

Revenge is a dish best served with NHS funding.

skynolongerblue

39. Perfect Aim

This dude used to pick on me relentlessly in gym class, as these guys tend to do to nerds. I was catching some usual garbage this one particular day, but only as we were walking out to go back to class did I snap.

He grabbed my hat (just a baseball hat, nothing particularly special about it) and I decided that was the last straw. I started chasing him around the gym, but me being a nerd and him being a jock, I realized this plan was futile.

He was making his way toward the two exit doors and if he escaped, I knew I'd never see that hat again. All I had was my book bag on my back. So I stopped, sized him up, and slid the book bag across the freshly waxed basketball court.

Just as his hand is about to push the door open, the bag slides perfectly underneath his foot and he wipes out, smashing his face into the door at top speed. He crumpled to the floor in a bloody heap and cried like a baby.

I walked by, put my bag back on my shoulder, took my hat out of his hands, and stepped calmly over his twitching body. I never got in trouble (the teachers knew he had it coming) and he never said another word to me.

mjsamps

40. If You Build It, He Won’t Come

I had a jerk of a class teammate for an entire semester. He would sit in the corner of the room the entire semester saying he's working, but he was often just watching Glee. But whenever the professor rolled into the classroom, he would pop right up, and proceed to tell the professor about all the progress we have made.

But of course, when midterm comes around, he had absolutely nothing to show for it. He then goes around to everyone—the poor TA, the rest of the team, members of other team—for help. Of course, it's really hard to conjure up a midterm project overnight when all you've been doing all semester is watching Glee over and over again.

But alas, this was a team project in architecture and having a big blank where the classroom buildings are supposed to be in our piazza would have been bad. So the rest of the team and the poor TA all jump in and have an all-nighter to basically do his project.

It's around this time that everybody in the program realizes what an idiot he was. He hadn’t the slightest clue how buildings work or how to design them. This one instance he and the rest of the team had an argument about where walls and floors meet.

We were all designing a traditional Italian masonry house, and he swears that every floor should be two to three feet larger than the perimeter of the walls, resulting in all floors sticking out of the walls, and that that's how we should build his model.

This kid, an architecture student in his third year into the program, doesn't know how walls and floors work! Despite his ignorance and his lack of effort, he would still shake his tail in front of the professor and make snide comments about his one and only friend and how much his work was better than his friend's.

They no longer talked by the end of the semester. The professor wasn't an idiot, either, and caught onto this pretty quick. So while the rest of the team got a perfect mark, he got a C—a grade too high for him, in my opinion. But everything changed when finals came around.

By the season of finals, the rest of the team realized that if we want to have a good project, we should do his work for him. If you know any Architecture students, you know we are known for our ability to stay up and hammer away at a project day and night.

But not this kid. Every night at around 11 pm, he would stop watching Glee, tell the rest of the team how much of a headache he has and that he needs to go to sleep. At first we tried to tell him that he can't go to sleep without having anything done a week before the final, but soon we noticed how the project flowed more enjoyably when he was gone, and didn't care to stop him.

So every day the two weeks before finals, we worked on our individual projects. Come 11 pm, we would do his project for another 2-3 hours. He caused several scenes in the studio, which often ended with him making a girl cry or ticking everyone in the program off.

Next year, I got a job in the department. I managed the Facebook page and other social media groups for the department. It didn't take me long to find out about the option to delete people from the page. So every now and then, every time he ticked me off in fact, I would delete him from the page.

It wasn't a big deal; he missed some announcements about guest lectures that he never even went to and missed out on some fun comments on the page at most. But it made my week to delete him, and another week when I would see that he "liked" the page again.

This would happen two three times until I perma-banned him as I left the position. For all the idiotic theories he tried to shove down my throat and all the hours I spent working on his project, the revenge was petty, but I was trembling with power and excitement when I first deleted him from the page.

He then switched majors and is now working to get a structural engineering license to design buildings near you.

insomniac_maniac

41. An Expensive Mistake

My girlfriend cheated on me when I was 22. My best friend took all of her cosmetics out of my bathroom, threw them into an empty garbage can, and lit it all on fire. When she showed up to pick up her stuff, he just pointed at the still-burning container. Then she left.

It was probably several hundred dollars’ worth of stuff. She was super angry.

imakepeopleangry

42. You Get What You Don’t Pay For

I used to get paid to write essays for people. I wrote all of this girl's applications essays (to eight schools), but she made all sorts of excuses and ended up only paying a fraction of what she owed me.

This girl comes from a rich family and spends about $10,000 a month on her shopping. She could afford to pay me. But she decided to be cheap and not bother paying me, even though my essays helped her get into a much better school than she expected.

I got my revenge, though. The school was waayy beyond her academic capabilities, so she ended up flunking most of her classes and getting kicked out. Hah.

bankergoesrawrr

43. Not Fun And Games

In first grade, a kid kept making fun of me every day at recess, despite me telling him to stop. One day I was in the sandbox and he mocked me. I'd had enough. I grabbed a handful of sand and shoved it down his pants. He didn't call me names after that.

vski93

44. Hands Off

When I was in the service, this one guy would always come into our room and randomly open our fridge without asking and just take stuff and eat it. I took a lemon-flavored Gatorade (the yellow kind), dumped half of it out, and filled it up with my pee.

I then screwed the lid on tight and put it back in the fridge. I made sure it was the only thing left in the fridge as well. As sure as clockwork, he comes in and he takes it and drinks it. My roommate knew about it and felt bad, so he told him what happened.

In turn, the guy threatened to turn me in to the higher-ups for it. My response: "You're telling me that you are going to tell a room full of grown men that you drank my pee?” He never came into the room and ate anything ever again.

Bethesda_

45. Family Feud

When I was a kid, I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch "Handbook”. It was full of kiddie experiments and stuff and was pretty fun. My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the “tricks” from the book.

You fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, put some tinfoil on top of the cup, and the kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil. I put it under her bed. It takes a few days to "work" so I completely forgot about it…until one night I woke up to my two sisters whispering.

It had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.

caca_mills

46. Kids Can Smell Fear

When I was in grade 9 or 10, we had a substitute teacher for 2 or 3 weeks. She gave me detention (the very first I had received, I might add) not only for something I didn't do, but for something that was not even worthy of a detention if I HAD done it.

I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was something stupid like coughing while she was speaking. She had no idea who she was messing with. I systematically turned my entire class against her, and subtlety undermined her whenever I could.

We did stuff like the entire class coughing together on cue, every single person making a paper plane out of their worksheet and trying to throw it out of the window (we were on the 3rd story of the school), asking incredibly stupid questions about the simplest of tasks, passive-aggressively correcting her when she made minor mistakes while speaking…the list goes on.

We ended up pushing her to tears. In hindsight, it was pretty cruel. Anyway, I'm now working at my old primary school, at a childcare program. I (think) I saw her once, and she gave me this look like she simultaneously remembered and despised me...I just smiled and continued about my business.

roticCake

47. Best Buds No More

This guy at work started at the same time I did and we become buds. We hang out, play some Xbox, the whole nine yards. We worked together for two and a half years at this store and eventually were the two most senior associates.

A promotion comes up to become a Director's Assistant and basically get an automatic pay-rate bump plus full-time. We are both interviewed, and we agreed that we would put our best foot forward and not hold any regrets.

The dude beat me out in the end, and I congratulated him on his victory. He acts a little off but tells me it was a close run, and he knew I was a good candidate. Then I discovered his brutal betrayal. A week after the promotion, the store director calls me in for a serious sit-down.

He says, "I hear you have been cheating the time clock, possibly stealing, and giving discounts to friends". I deny, deny, deny that and ask for proof, or I was going to sue. I’m given a "forced three days off" while it is investigated by corporate.

I’m called in a week after suspension for a sit-down with the big shot. They apologized and promoted me to the DA position. They tell me that my buddy was caught on tape several times stealing, his electronic journal showed consistent unwarranted discounts, and other activities—even though he had “tipped” them off to my supposed activities.

When they confronted him, he broke down, apologized, and returned some stuff he planned to swipe after his shift. This jerk tried to frame me to get ahead.

sxcamaro

48. Pulling The Puppet Strings

I once had a colleague I hated because he was very condescending and really arrogant. As revenge, I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse and kept the mouse in my drawer.

I would just open my drawer and it would mess his computer right up. I kept it going for like two months. He was about to scream at the whole world when I thought I better stop.

Permalink

49. Avengers, Take Notes

I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the professor told me tough luck.

Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and got beautiful revenge. I began giving him edited versions. I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things, or just straight-up write stuff that makes no sense.

An example of the garbage I would put in: “To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Escher's factorial”. If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him.

He retook that class.

failing_forwards