Teachers Describe The Funniest Thing They Witnessed But Had To Hold Their Laughter In

The Tantrum

"I had a kid who got extremely angry because I told him that he couldn’t do something - I honestly don’t remember what."

"He started stomping and screaming and became so angry that he dropped his pants and stood there in his underwear glaring at me."

"I wanted to laugh so bad but it would have just pissed him off more and that would not have helped the situation. I knew from experience with this child."

"This kid was crazy smart. He taught himself to read before he went to kindergarten - like full on books, not just sight reading. I was his preschool teacher and realized he was actually reading books on his own, not just reciting them from memory or using sight words."

"I brought it up to his parents - they hadn't taught him how to read. He taught himself because he wanted to know."

"He was also crazy manipulative."

"His mom is great about holding boundaries and not giving in, his dad on the other hand..."

"This was years ago and the kid's got confidence out the wazoo, still. It'll be interesting to see where he ends up in life."

- talibob

He Meant Gong

"The time a fourth grader asked me to show him my dong. Loudly. In front of his entire class."

"I’m a music teacher. And a female."

"He meant he wanted to see a gong."

- urbancowgirl42

"I taught middle school band."

"My student came to me to let me know he couldn’t find the bong."

"When I asked if he meant the GONG he totally realized what he had said and his face got so red."

- MustangSmilie

Ye Olde Phone Numbers

"I’m a history teacher."

"We were looking in the textbook at a section on the founding fathers. Several of them had their own subheadings and a little paragraph about them. Like this:"

"George Washington (1732-1799)"
"Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)"
"Benjamin Franklin (1707-1790)"

"I then had a student raise their hand and ask, completely serious, 'If you call these numbers, do they still work?' ”

"She thought their birth and death dates were their phone numbers. I teach high school, the class lost it, and it took everything in me to keep a straight face."

- snapdown91

Going Bald

"5 year old starts randomly bawling. Quite concerned, I rush over and ask what's wrong."

"She holds up a single hair and says her hair is falling out and she's going bald."

"I had to - with a straight face and with sincere concern to validate her feelings - explain that hair falls out naturally but new hair takes it's place."

- snoobsnob

"I had this fear as a child 🤣"

- KamuSugo

"I… no one taught me about this. I had to find out last year (I was 25)."

- LilLovelyLilly96

Virgins

"Field trip instructor."

"I was leading a discussion on food chains with some 4th graders and asked what we call animals that only eat plants."

"The answer I got was 'virgins.' "

"I was looking for 'herbivores,' would have taken 'vegetarian.' I was not prepared for 'virgin.' "

- Evolving_Dore

"I used to think virgins are nicknames for people from Virginia."

"It was very confusing reading a Dear Anne newspaper section and all I could think was:"

" 'Why does it matter where you're from? Why do you keep repeating it?' "

- AlienBeingMe

Easy To Remember

"My first year teaching, I was going over the parts of a parabola."

"So I had my boring ole parabola up and I drew a dot at the vertex. Some kid goes:"

" 'That is the easy one to remember, it's the nipple of the titty.' "

"I had to keep facing the board for a bit so push back the smile."

"Unrelated note: This is the exact thing my classes learned about this week. And I can't look at a parabola anymore without seeing a droopy boob."

- Makenshine

Candy What?

"Oh man, I was the kid and it was like 18 years ago and I STILL cringe/laugh at myself."

"We had to pick stories to read out loud in front of the class, and I picked this cute one about Candy Stripers - you know, volunteers for hospitals who get to wear the cute striped apron."

"My dumb kid self kept mis-reading it out loud MULTIPLE TIMES. So it came out like:"

" 'And when I grow older, I want to be a candy stripper!' ”

'I can still hear my teacher wheezing with a red face in the back of the classroom."

"For the life of me at the time, I could NOT figure out why she kept laughing. But as an adult it kills me."

- AntipatheticDating

Phlebotomy Flub

"I was a phlebotomy instructor (sorry not a 'teacher teacher') and one of my students (fresh out of high school, so she was young) was practicing on an elderly patient."

"He asked her if she was going to take all of his blood. She responded quite joyfully 'Yes, I’m gonna suck you dryyy!' ”

"The old man got the funniest surprised look on his face and I about lost it but somehow kept it together."

"Oh man, the look in her face and the 50 shades of red she turned after she realized how that came across… absolutely priceless."

"Will never forget that."

- Secret_Squirrel97

Never Learning Subtraction

"I was helping a third grader who didn't want to work on his subtraction of three digit numbers that required borrowing."

"I told him, 'Fine. Never learn to do this. Then I'm going to open a store that sells things you absolutely love. And when you give me your money, I'll just randomly hand you back change that is less than you should actually get because you can't do the math to figure it out...so I'll just take all your money and you probably won't even know.' "

"He looked at me dead in the eyes for a few seconds before stating, 'That's bullsh*t.' "

"I had to hold back laughter for about a good 20 seconds before I could reply, 'You're right, so learn to do addition and subtraction and you won't have to worry about it.' "

- DawgHogger33

'You' Isn't The Bad Word?

"I used to teach 3rd graders who were non-native English speakers."

"One time one of them ran up to me to tattle on his classmate and said 'Teacher, Teacher, Tunwa just said 'F*CK YOU!'!!' "

"Tunwa, who was running behind him goes 'No teacher, no!! I only said 'F*CK' I didn't say ..." *looks around and starts to whisper* '...you...' "

"I was like, 'No, no! That's not the bad word, it's the other one!' "

"I was dying, I had to turn around and go laugh behind a corner."

- nickbkk

Parents, teachers, childcare providers, people who have spent more than 4 minutes and 28 seconds in the presence of a sassy-kid:

What's the funniest thing YOU'VE tried not to laugh at?