Let's just get it all out on the open. Shall we? I think one of the main reasons we're having so much societal breakdown is due to everyone's inability to communicate.
Now I know everyone feels differently about certain subjects, and everyone is entitled to their feelings, but a safe, open dialogue is for the greater good.
As a person who is part of a marginalized group, I'll be taking questions. Some of my people don't want to and sometimes I don't want to but I like to think beyond my own feelings. If someone is asking, that is an opportunity for us to educate.
All I ask is that you keep it polite. And don't test my patience.
Redditoru/jimmehbaconwanted the straights out there to have this moment to engage in an open dialogue, by asking:
Straight people, what burning questions do you have about the LGBTQ Community?
It's human nature to be curious about the things we don't understand. So let's probe these thoughts. Look at me already starting with a pun.
Let's Talk About Sex...
sex ed film GIFGiphy"Can I be gay without liking sex? I had moments when I was younger about wanting to be with a person but just that male-to-male sex turns me off or weirded me out."
"Absolutely. You could be gay and asexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but not sexually attracted to anyone. You could also be homo-romantic and heterosexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but sexually attracted to the opposite sex."
- jayraan
The Cycle
"Since a lot of people question their heterosexuality, do you also sometimes question your homosexuality?"
"Not necessarily homosexual, but in the bisexual community there's a term called 'the bi-cycle' which basically means the usual doubt and questioning cycle, because due to various reasons, most bisexuals question their bisexuality a lot and commonly."
Ladies?
"Lesbians: do you also find dating women hard? I know my gay buddies always complain that it's hard to find a solid relationship. So, I'm just wondering what your dating gripes are?"
"Yes absolutely. Dating pool is very small, you can't approach strangers because they could be straight and no one knows who should make the first move."
To Denmark!
"Why do asexuals want to invade Denmark? I'm nervous."
"There are estimated to be over 70 million asexuals in the world, which means that we can easily overpower the Danish military. Don't worry, we won't hurt the citizens, and we'll make it a great country. I know Denmark is already a great country! I've been there once, loved it, and in general I know it's a good country."
Flirts...
"Do you ever feel nervous when you compliment a guys looks or flirt with them because you think they might be straight and get super angry at you?"
"I used to be... I still don't flirt unless I KNOW they're not straight, but if a guy has a nice haircut, or a cool shirt or hat or mask or whatever, I'll say something. Brightens their day. I love when people compliment my wardrobe, after all."
How You Doin Kiss GIFGiphy"For all the people who are wondering about the sort of guys who would get their hackles up at a compliment from another guy—personal anecdote, I grew up in the southeastern US, 90s-00s. Very conservative area, very close to Alabama. Very homophobic. So... those sorts of guys. Lot of us LGBTQ+ folks gotta develop defense mechanisms to get by."
So far, so good. I'm pleasantly surprised by the actual thought behind some of these musings. Back in the day it was all sex questions. Dear I say, people have matured. Let's continue...
I have a feeling...
Season 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Is gaydar a real thing? How often do you hit on straight people straight people before realizing they are straight?"
"It's definitely a thing. Though it's never 100% accurate and it's really hard to describe the exact signs, there's just subtle signals that let gay people recognize each other more easily. I've personally never hit on a straight person before, and I've even called some of my friends being gay years before they came out to me."
People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Next to Normal
"Do you feel like it's genuinely getting better or heading in the right direction regarding equality and it just being considered as 'normal' or regular as any other relationship or lifestyle X?"
"In my country I think the shift is definitely more positive towards acceptance. Teenagers now just don't care what you identify as, when I came out my teenage sisters were just like yeah and then told me about their friend's identity and their own. It was a normal conversation not weird or hushed."
Options...
"I am not straight but I don't know what I am. How do I figure this out? Is possible not to be attracted to anyone?"
"Asexuality is s lack of sexual attraction. Aromantic is a lack of romantic attraction. You could be either or both, there's also demisexual/romantic, where you don't feel attraction without building a strong emotional attachment. They're all LGBT+, they're all valid and there's subreddits for all of them if you want to explore."
Friends?
"For lesbians/bisexual women (? idk if that's the right term sorry)—how do you know you're sexually/romantically attracted to women vs just interested in being friends? Because whenever I see a woman I think is attractive, I honestly can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to her or if I just want to be like her lol."
"It's been really fun and enlightening to read about everyone's experiences. Definitely comforting to know a lot of people have this dilemma too regardless of orientation! PS: I feel like I am definitely biromantic 😂 (Cannot decide on bisexual because I really cannot imagine the sex without experiencing it)."
May I?
Confused Where Am I GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Are you annoyed when people ask you a lot of questions? Or any at all?"
"Depends what the question is, but I'm usually very open and I'm always happy to help."
The Bi-Way
"Closeted Bi-guy here. I don't know anyone who would give me grief over it, but is it weird that I just have no interest in "coming out"? I mean, I'd obviously tell family and friends when required (I.e if I was to start dating a guy) but unless I had to I just prefer to keep it to myself."
"You don't need to come out. Both my parents are bi. They are in a monogamous, hetero relationship and have been married for 32 years. I only learned they were bi when I was in my teens and we were watching a documentary about bisexuality together. They never talked about it before that point and have rarely mentioned it since, and they don't need to because it doesn't significantly affect their lives."
to be the rock...
"My 15-year-old daughter came out to us a month ago. How do I best support her as her dad, knowing that her life will have additional challenges that I'm not experienced in? Many of my best friends throughout my life are LGBTQ, and I'd hope that I had been (and still am) a supportive and loving friend, but wasn't necessarily in the role to be their shoulder to lean on or a mentor."
"With my daughter, I want to be her rock. I want to be able to give her comfort that I will do anything to help if things are tough. Perhaps this is the same as being a supporting father in any child's upbringing. However, I know she'll have more challenges. Am I overthinking this? I just want to be the best dad for her."
- redtray
Decisions. Decisions.
Tell Me More Jeff Goldblum GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy"Who decides what goes into LGBT+ and what doesn't? Who decides in the order of, don't know what to call them… sexualities/sexual identities?"
Out of the Box
"So i'm a rural bi-guy it's rare that I bump into others like myself but it's such a relief when I do, being rural and bi is interesting i'd say, there's not that big of a gay scene and it's still a bit shunned sadly. I've never been to a city and experienced the culture, but can safely say I like penis and I like vagina."
"I told my dad this and he just laughed and called me greedy and good for me, he liked my first boyfriend as well good man. Anyway i'm rambling I guess my question is are all these labels important? honestly I don't really understand it too much i'm just like, let people love who they want to love do we need to put everyone in these neat boxes?"
- Gaunts
For the Wife
"My wife didn't really accept herself as bi until after we were together. We are monogamous. I do my best to support her. She really wants to be part of the community and participate in things like pridefest but I think she feels uncomfortable. I've offered to both go with her or let her go alone."
"She doesn't want to go alone but also doesn't want to be seen as straight either. I think it's awesome who she is and want her to not feel left out and I also think it's important that she helps represent her sexuality to help combat bi-erasure. Are people really judgy about things like this? Is it ok for me to go with her? What can we do to make her more comfortable?"
- fuzzthed
Support Issues
"What do you think about pride and moment when every company changing their logo to rainbow?"
- Cup4ik
"I personally have two different opinions that coexist in my brain:"
"A) It's nothing but transparent virtue signaling meant as a marketing ploy, these companies do not truly care and often are actively harming the LGBT+ community behind the scenes."
"B) The fact that huge corporations feel confident enough that their pride messaging will garner a favorable public opinion to go through with it is a great litmus test for how society as a whole is starting to warm up to the whole concept, and that in itself is heartening, even if the companies themselves are focused solely on profit."
Difficulties...
"Is it difficult coming out of the closet? Like, for very religious families?"
"Honestly, I don't even have a religious family and coming out is still difficult. It's important to realise that yes, you "come out" to your family, but there's never one big "coming out" where it's like noted on your file that you're gay and everyone knows you're gay after that?"
"I still have to "come out" to my coworkers, and yes, it looks different from the "mom, dad, I'm gay" conversation (i.e simply using "husband" instead of wife, or talking about my partner as "he/him"), but the feeling of anxiety is still the same. Am I going to be suddenly shunned? etc."
Left Out
Trans Day Of Visibility Lgbt GIFGiphy"Do trans men feel left out of the conversation on trans rights at all? It feels very focused on trans women."
- Hcmp1980
"Extremely. And trans women are choked by it, on the opposite end of the plank. Trans men get less positivity, trans women get more negativity. It's a huge lose-lose."
"People don't seem to think trans men exist, which is probably because transitioning seems nefarious and sexual and only "men" are those things. But that means every time you see "trans person evil blah blah" it's never a trans male athlete on a men's team or a trans man in the men's bathroom."
That wasn't so bad. Was it? We all learned and grew as humans, I hope. And nobody was offended or ridiculed, I'm hope even more. Let's keep dialoging, it's the only way.
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