Children: it takes a village.
Sometimes literally.
In this crazy world we live in, it seems almost unaffordable to have a child these days. Feeding, clothing and taking care of a child costs an insane amount of money and a lot of folks simply do not make enough to make ends meet.
But does that mean someone else in the family should be financially responsible if a person chooses to have a child?
Redditor inthewrongbrother went to the popular subReddit, "Am I The A**hole?" or "AITA," to figure out If this should be the case for a sister's upcoming child.
"AITA for telling my sister she shouldn't have another kid?"
Our original poster, or OP, began with how his sister ended up with her first children.
"I am (35 Male)."
"So my sister Lisa (33 Female) has 2 kids,( 4F) and(2M). She chose not to have their father in his life as she constantly harassed and him and said he was nothing than a 'sperm donor.' He tried really hard to be there for his kids but he was so sick of her toxicity that he ran."
"He offered child support if she wasn't going to let him see them and he even asked for supervised visitation and she refused both. I tried really hard to reason with her and say she couldn't keep the kids from their dad but she glorified the idea of single motherhood."
"That has led to things being strained between me and Lisa. I'm only civil for the kids and I've had to listen to her constantly say how hard it is being a single mom and how she barely has enough money. I have told her as best I could she chose this and was horrible to her ex, a lovely man for no reason but she refuses to believe she's done anything wrong."
After years of a strained relationship, then came the pandemic:
"With lockdown, Lisa's been laid off. She's on various benefits right now and had to live back with our parents due to not being able to afford her own place. She's got a lot less money now and she's complaining even more now."
"Our parents have given her a break by letting her live rent free and we've all suggested online work she could do to get some money but she's just currently accepting defeat."
And then came Lisa's unwise desire to have another child--and not only that--to have her family help out with that child.
"Recently, Lisa announced she wanted baby no.3. She said as soon as she can get back out there, she's going to try get pregnant. I said that's a bad idea as having another kid would make her financial situation worse. She then said something like 'oh you're family, you guys can help out.' That comment drove me over the edge."
OP, a dad himself, had no sympathy for his sister:
"I have 2 kids myself (5M and 3F). My wife and I both work and we're not rich or anything but we are comfortable. I should add I help out money wise with my niece and nephew if I can, but I do not provide for them as they're not my kids."
"I said to Lisa, 'I can't provide for your kids cos I'm a dad myself. You also can't expect me or your parents to provide for a kid you'd be stupid to have. Don't have another kid you cannot afford as it's not other people's jobs to provide for them, it's yours'."
Lisa didn't like that and even got her kids involved:
"Lisa got really pissy and told me I was being an AH for denying her right to be a mother. I asked her if she was planning on having the potential dad around and she said 'no! I've raised two kids by myself and I can do it again. I don't need a man.' I basically said she was stupid, she can't use kids as a weapon against a man and I hung up."
"I then got a barrage of abusive texts from Lisa saying I was an AH and that I didn't care about being an uncle. She even got my 4 year old niece to send me a voice message asking why I didn't love her and her brother and why I didn't want them to have a younger sibling."
"She's dragged my wife into it and my wife said my sister is being a manipulative b*tch and is trying to bleed me dry out of my money and my parents whilst disagreeing with Lisa's plan think I was way too harsh with what I said to her. AITA?"
Redditors decided where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Support came in overwhelmingly in favor of the OP.
"Lol obviously NTA and your sister needs a reality check."
"First and foremost, she has not 'raised to kids by herself.' She had help from family and more importantly, a 2 year old and a 4 year old have not been 'raised'."
"She's got about 16 more years before she can even start to say that."~Hunterofshadows
"Bruh. Your sister sounds like a piece of work! NTA! At ALL!!!"
"It's bad enough she behaves this way but then involving her 4 year old child in her manipulation?? She sounds like she needs professional help."~shadynasty____
"Not only are you NTA, but I feel I would probably take it a step further and either call CPS or threaten to call them if she gets herself knocked up again. She isn't caring about the kids, she's caring about being a single mother. She's weaponizing them, which is gonna do long-term psychological harm"~UrdnotChivay
"NTA. I don't understand people who want to have as many children as possible, when they can't provide for them (financially and emotionally). It's incredibly selfish. And the other behavior is just painting the picture of a narcissist. But it sounds almost cartoonish. I know people can be self absorbed and some people just suuuuuck a lot, but she is like a cautionary tale from the depths of the MGTOW imagination."~OwnGap
The whole situation sounds so manipulative and outlandish that it's hard to believe people like Lisa really exist.
"NTA unless the other parent is abusive who chooses to be a single parent?! How the hell did she force the father out, isn't that parental alienation? You've done nothing wrong, don't ever apologise, she cant afford the kids she's got, what sort of monster would bring another 1 in to the mix? If she's going to drag her kids into it you can tell them the truth uncles don't pay for nieces and nephews, mommy and daddy do."~NinjaSarBear
"NTA at all she needs professional help but only if she is looking for it. protect your family from her toxicity, unfortunately for your nephew and niece she's their mother and have to deal with her. As daughter of a man who was in your position I say cut her out of your life."~throwaway_6338
"NTA- your sister needs a giant reality check. How dare she bring life into this world with no means of providing for them? Your wife is totally right. The vibe I also get from this is she is desperate for attention and will do whatever she has to in order to get it. Don't give it to her! Stand your ground!"
"Also, side note, wtf is she doing sending you voice messages from her kids? Is she teaching them her bad behaviors? I feel so bad for those kids."~himoto-liz-chan
"NTA. If the father is a decent guy like you said, contact him and see if he wants to take her to court for custody. The way she manipulated her kid is borderline abuse. Keep the voicemail and any other communication for proof. Even without bringing another baby into the mix, this is not a good situation for the kids. The father probably does not realize how badly they need him."~birdingisfun
Parents have a responsibility when they become parents to do what is in their children's best interests, even if it means putting their own feelings and desires aside for that purpose.
OP's sister does not seem to have the power to make that distinction. For that reason, it was decided that OP was NTA, once and for all.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*
@PaulRieckhoff/X