A single mom ditched conventional romance to become a sugar baby in her forties. Often dating "toy boy" sugar daddies 10 years her junior. She revealed how she is treated to cash gifts and a $2,500 monthly allowance.
Finding little time for love as a busy events planner with two children, it was when Stella Smith was furloughed from her job that she decided to date. Forgoing the usual sites and joining Seeking Arrangement, a network connecting women with wealthy suitors.
Receiving over 100 messages within a few days of setting up her profile, Stella arranged 58 dates and has been on about 20 so far.
“Previously, if I thought of a sugar daddy, I'd picture a rich old man surrounded by beautiful young girls," she said.
“But it's surprised me that most of the men I've met through the site have been younger than me – some by up to 10 years," she continued.
“They are established, handsome guys, who want a drama-free life and are willing to pay any money for that. They don't want demands or pressures, but they are willing to support me and share what they have."
Born in Hungary, Stella lived all over the world before settling in London six years ago.
“I only ever had relationships lasting around a year or so and I've never had a one night stand in my life," she continued.
“I didn't have a type, either. Whenever I had a break-up, I'd want to go for somebody totally different the next time. I kept trying to find that perfect match."
“I was protective of my children and didn't want them to feel like I was looking for a replacement father for them, so I kept my mum life and my dating life very separate."
Moving to London in 2014, Stella threw herself into work, juggling her day job with teaching dance and gymnastics on the side.
Then, in March, she was furloughed and she started examining her love life history.
“I thought over my past relationships, what had been missing and how I could have made them better," she said. “It wasn't necessarily about money. I realized I wanted to be with someone more successful. I thought a more established man may be more relaxed and fun to be around."
“I was curious and wanted to give it a go," she said. “I thought there was no harm in trying to find a different type of relationship to the ones I'd had before."
In early April, Stella set up a profile explaining who she was and what she was looking for in a man.
“I didn't name an exact amount of money I wanted or anything like that. I just said connection was a must, but that I was also looking for financial support," she said.
“It was quite embarrassing to put all my cards on the table like that."
Within a few days, she had received over 100 messages from interested suitors.
“I've been on dating sites long enough that I've had some real horror stories," she said. “But everyone on Seeking Arrangement was nice and normal. I felt very welcome."
“Even those I wasn't interested in were courteous and kind, whereas on other sites I've been sworn at for rejecting men, as if their attention was a gift that I should've been grateful for."
During lockdown, Stella would not meet any of her matches in person, so instead began to get to know some of them virtually, chatting over video calls.
When lockdown restrictions eased to allow two households to meet in June, she had been talking to some for two months.
“Not being able to meet in real life meant we had no choice but to take it slow and get to know one another on a deeper level," she said. “It was really nice to have that company and connection during lockdown."
Stella arranged 58 dates, but only ended up going on around 20.
At first, she would meet them for socially-distanced park walks, then when pubs and restaurants re-opened at the beginning of July, she switched to dining at some of London's Michelin-starred eateries instead.
As well as paying for dinner, men would also offer her cash gifts.
“They would give me £100 as a thank you for dinner or £150 to make sure I got home safe. One man just slipped a bundle of cash into my pocket when I wasn't looking," she said.
“Because I wasn't used to that sort of thing, I had to force myself to take it. It did feel loving, though, not transactional."
“Just like traditional dating, some men that I met weren't as tempting in real life and I had no connection with them, but others, I got on great with and continued to see," she added.
So far, Stella has been out with two men in their sixties and the rest have been her age or younger, with the youngest 10 years her junior.
“I never considered younger men as an option, but 80 per cent of those I've spoken to and met have been younger than me," she said.
“I'm more attracted to them than I thought I'd be. They're all extremely handsome, but also mature. You'd never know they were younger than me and I find myself asking them for advice," Stella continued.
“That's what life is all about though – changes and surprises."
To date, Stella estimates she has received around $2,500 in cash gifts, plus a regular $2,500 a month allowance from one sugar daddy.
But she is keen to stress that she is not exchanging sex for money and that what she does is entirely different to escorting.
“There are other sites you can go to for that, but that's not what I'm doing," she said. “This isn't about sex – it's about company and finding someone who shares my values. The financial support is just an aside."
“I've never felt pressure to sleep with the men I've met. They don't expect it, either – they don't even expect a kiss. I'm a very friendly and warm person, but I've also been careful to make my boundaries very clear."
After years of struggling as a single mom, Stella now says that finding the site has been "life-changing."
Thankfully, she has not experienced any negativity so far and hopes that she will encourage others to be less judgemental about unconventional forms of dating.
“I've met exceptional men that I wouldn't otherwise have crossed paths with," she said.
“The good thing about Seeking Arrangement is that you put all your cards on the table and talk about exactly what you want from a relationship early on," she added.
“There are couples who've been married for years and haven't had that conversation. I found traditional dating almost like a big shopping mall, with so much on offer that you don't know where to look. This is much more exclusive."
J. Crew
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