People Explain Which Self-Care Trends Are Actually Toxic

For far too long, people overlooked the need to care for themselves mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

Over the last several decades that situation has improved.

People are aware of the necessity of aligning it all, but the pendulum has swung a bit too far in some ways.

The self-care movement has built a financial empire.

And the ideas about some things have gotten a bit out of control.

Books, workshops, retreats, teachers, and gurus all espouse the best ways to succeed in self-care.

Financially a lot of what's being peddled to vulnerable people is a disaster.

And some of the best options are just downright dangerous.

Bringing us to a full circle moment in a way.

Let's wave the red flags.

Redditor kendraxquinn wanted to hear about the supposed "healthy" things that many do that are actually unhealthy, so they asked:

"What’s a popular self-care trend is actually toxic?"

Funsuck

"Only doing things that feel good or spark joy. Sometimes for your own long-term health and future, you must do things that aren’t super duper fun."

- Avocado-Toast-93

Happy So Excited GIFGiphy

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

"Radical selfishness to the point that you don't think you should ever have to compromise, sacrifice, be inconvenienced by, or have an imperfect interaction with someone."

- St-Nobody

"I swear to God. The blatant selfishness I’ve seen under the guise of 'protecting your boundaries.'"

"Yes, boundaries are important, but sometimes you should show up even when you’re not in the perfect mood. Sometimes you should do the favor without keeping score. And sometimes you should have the uncomfortable conversation even though you’d rather stick your head in the sand to protect your peace."

"I completely forgot where I read/saw/heard this but it was something along the lines of 'These people are going to end up with perfect boundaries and no friends' and that rang so true for me."

- ikbenlauren

My Brilliance!

"Thinking so highly of yourself that constructive criticism appears to be hateful."

- HeartonSleeve1989

"I was on a discord for artists, and someone posted to the art crit server asking what could be improved. When someone gives her a bunch of advice and sources in a super respectful way, she goes 'Can you stop? B**ch did I ask?'"

"Everyone was just like 'Yes. You literally did.' I don't know, I feel like there are some young/beginner artists who think they’re going to post their work for crit and everyone is gonna be like 'NO IT'S THE MOST PERFECT THING EVER CREATED BY NO ARTIST IN HISTORY HAS MADE SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL.' You’re never done improving, and even professionals expect feedback when they ask for it."

- evil-rick

Don't Hide

"Avoiding difficult conversations in the name of positive vibes."

- sad_boi_jazz

"My entire family is like this. I didn't realize how bad it was until I started dating my husband. As an outsider looking in, he was able to see just how allergic we are to negativity and conflict of any kind. I love my family dearly, but it sucks not being able to just sit down with them and have an honest conversation about how maybe they stepped on our toes or did something that upset us. It became extremely apparent during the pandemic."

"I remember feeling upset with something my mom had said, and it festered in me for months. It was interfering with my relationship with her, which was especially distressing for me because she's one of my closest friends. I remember venting to my dad about it, wanting to know how to approach the subject with her. His advice was to not bring it up at all. I love my dad, but I was really disappointed by his 'solution.'"

- NightDreamer73

JESSIE

"That constant pressure to always look on the bright side and be positive no matter what. A friend of mine 'Jessie' went through a really tough time and every time she tried to open up about how she was feeling, people just told her to 'stay positive' or 'look on the bright side.' instead of helping. Sometimes, it's okay to feel down and talk about it because forcing positivity can actually make things worse."

- Peachy_Sofie

Therapy Speak

"Weaponized 'boundaries."

- Suilenroc

"Therapy speak as a whole. People parrot it with no real understanding, and the next thing, it's being misused and abused everywhere. Words like 'triggered' and 'boundaries' do my head in. They both mean something very important and significant, but they don't mean what the internet uses them as."

- Mendel247

Jake Johnson Fox GIF by New GirlGiphy

Age Limits

"Letting your children do a beauty regime. 9-year-olds do not need to exfoliate, use night cream and day serum, and beg their mommies to spend $50 on special face potions and silk pillowcases. Slap some sunscreen and a big hat on them, and keep them the f**k off social media."

- bugwrench

"YouTube recently recommended to me a video that seemed to be about kids who bought a lot of skincare products worth hundreds of pounds (or dollars, I don't remember the currency used in the title). From the picture, the kids looked so young. There are skincare products that should not be used on children. Can you imagine a 9-year-old using an anti-wrinkle cream?

NOPE

"Better Help."

- Petty_Paw_Printz

"My first BH therapist felt that all women should strive to be good wives and mothers, and told me Covid would disappear after the 2020 election. Noped outta that guy."

"The second BH therapist that I reached out to, after expressing my very normal reasons for seeking therapy, told me (edit) in a manner that was not kind, helpful, or professional (/edit)that I had way deeper problems than she could deal with and to find someone qualified to help me with my issues."

"The third therapist, however, was a godd**ned genius. She easily saw right through all my issues and down to the roots and gave me the most excellent and helpful advice any therapist had ever given me. I did feel bad for her because she was always always working and would sometimes have to eat during our sessions. Maybe it wasn’t professional, but she did keep it as minimally distracting as possible, and if she’s busting @ss like that to make ends meet, and she did amazing work… f**k it, let the woman eat."

- winter_laurel

Flushed Out

"Any kind of 'cleanse.' That’s what your liver and kidneys do."

- gothiclg

"I've got an aunt who definitely has an eating disorder because she's always on some weird cleanse. She was also raising my cousin to have the same type of eating disorder. One time, they both decided to go on a 'cleanse' from protein. They stopped eating any meat and even plant-based protein as well. My cousin was so anemic that she got sick. I'm just glad my cousin's an adult now, so she can unlearn those messed up disordered eating habits."

- Such-Anything-498

Self-Entitlement

"Too much retail therapy/little treatment culture. Obviously sometimes buying yourself something nice or getting a little treat because you did something great or had a bad day is fine and good. You can’t just constantly deprive yourself. But there’s a fine line between 'I had a bad day, gotta get a Starbucks/cave in and buy that thing I’ve been looking for' and coffee out every day and a constant stream of Amazon boxes full of trinkets you don’t truly desire coming to the house. I’ve seen people put themselves into bad financial situations or turn into borderline hoarders because 'I deserve a little treat' but it’s literally every day."

- TerribleAttitude

Alone

"Insisting that self-care needs to be solitary and cost money. For most people, the self-care they really need is quality time with friends, family, and community, not buying some crap to put on your face while you're alone in the tub."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm an introvert, and alone time keeps me sane, but I don't know if I've ever seen people celebrate 'self-care' as being social."

- flyingdics

Sad Season 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy

Perfect

"The rise of productivity systems."

"It’s horrible to market more systems to perfectionists that they have to upkeep, only to get discouraged because they can’t perfectly use the system given, and then say 'well you just aren’t actually doing dopamine cleansing perfectly.'"

- TheSoloGamer

"Also, the people who promote productivity systems and explain to you how they are really productive and successful while their only output is telling you about productivity. So it's a kind of Self-Perpetuating illusion about productivity."

- Fennek1237

For Others First

"Looking after yourself first, but to the point of narcissism. If I’m having a shi**y day, 9/10 doing something nice for someone else leaves me feeling better and distracts me from what’s sad."

- leannespock

"This reminded me of my overly zealous religious childhood, where we had the exact opposite message to sacrifice everything in the service of others(the church) as a self-care sort of thing. God that was toxic, but I am in total agreement with you, making somebody’s day makes my day better."

- Remarkable_Seesaw_74

Catching the Right Zzzzsss

"Neglecting sleep to get ahead in school or your career. Not getting enough sleep will catch up to you."

- DangerzonePlane8

"This one. Psychotic episodes/mental breaks are very real, and not sleeping is a great way to trigger one."

- bitemePam

"This! I was going through a divorce with 3 children. I worked all weekend, getting around 4 hours of sleep a night. Caught up to me. Ended up with pneumonia (I was not someone that got sick often). On my way home from work at 4 am, I swear I saw a huge ship in the sky. That was wild."

- Vivid-Soup-5636

Together

"Thinking you shouldn’t have to change for a relationship to work. How about bettering each other and growing together?"

- theflyingchicken96

"As soon as the 'people should accept me for exactly who I am.' comes out, I’m 9/10 silently removing myself. If me confronting you about a behavior or something said that upset me, is me 'not accepting you.' then I have no business being in your life. Mutual accountability and growth, please."

- tumbleeweed

Relationship GIF by Studios 2016Giphy

I believe everything in moderation is the best course of action.

I also believe that social media has really propelled a lot of the toxicity in this area.

People acting like therapists is dangerous.

I know money is tight when it comes to this issue.

That's why research is key.

So don't just listen to the last momentary TikTok star when it comes to your self-care.

Dietary cleanses should be discussed with healthcare PROFESSIONALS.

Take this as a what NOT to-do list.

Good luck.