The Real Reason Why People Cheated In A Relationship

Adventures Gone Wrong

"He had a side chick who was my best friend (she thought we were in a poly relationship but it was just him who wanted us both) so I cheated on him with her and stole his side chick."

"I told him I’d be okay with it if it wasn’t just him who got to date my best friend and me and that us girls also got to date."

"He told her I was okay with it just being him dating us, even though it was really me she wanted to date and he was just an extra since I was dating him at the time."

"I stayed with her for a while, but we mutually decided we were better as friends and are still best friends to this day."

- Outrageous-Dare2755

Growing Apart

"25 years in the military working away, I never once cheated on my wife. But after leaving the military, I was so busy working and earning, we started to grow apart."

"We both knew it but crucially, I buried my head in the hopes things would get better."

"She had a brief affair, citing the gap between us as the reason. She never once talked to me or tried to improve things but then again neither did I."

"The difference being I still loved my wife but she fell out of love with me... look after what you have as you never know when it will be gone."

"I do blame myself. Yes, she had the affair and she owns that and the fallout from it, but I created the conditions that allowed it to happen. I knew things weren't okay."

"There is so much more in hindsight that I could have said or done but didn't. That is on me."

- jimbojetset35

Simple Math

"I was young, selfish, and broken."

- theomniconian

"It was a decision I made, selfishly, getting caught up in the heat of things and not taking someone I loved into consideration when I did it. Just outright generally being an a**hole all around, something I’ve thought about over the years and deeply regretted."

"Once you really hurt someone like that, it truly sticks in your mind and you never forget it."

"You can’t take it back, ya know? You can only make sure you never make such a terrible action again."

- Neat_Theory_5236

Perpetual Lying

"Cheating is just a form of lying. It's not the cheating that's the problem, it's a symptom of a bigger problem which is lying."

- RaspberryTurtle987

One Similarity Between Bullying and Cheating: Self-Esteem

"I don’t think malice is usually the root of cheating, I think low self-esteem is. One can hate themselves so badly, that they cheat to prove to themselves that 'they still got it' or 'they win at life,' but it usually leads to just more drama, like they cheat to hurt someone else (that’s where malice comes in)."

"As for the person they cheat with… sometimes kind of the same thing… they hate themselves to the point of having to get the high of stealing what’s not theirs? 'One up' another man or woman, so to speak."

"Many times it’s the low self-esteem of lying to themselves that 'if it’s meant to be' or 'the cheater wouldn’t cheat if things weren’t really bad.' 'I’ve never felt this way before, it must be right,' etc. But in their heart, they know it’s trash reasoning, and they will feel like s**t in the end. Hurt people hurt themselves and others."

"And then of course, sometimes the person is just another victim of the cheater, who said she/he was single. And we all feel for that person, because they thought they met someone single and special, and it was doomed from the beginning."

"I dropped my best friend of 20 years when she became so desperate that she started entertaining the thought of affairs with married men I knew. She was never previously that type of woman… but she was hitting her late 20s, and just getting so desperate to find someone and settle down. I loved her as a friend, but I was no longer recognizing the girl I once knew."

"We as a society can’t preach but then stand by. Her act was selfish, and not only affected her but affected so many of our friends that knew the family. When I walked away, to my surprise, so did everybody. I felt bad for her, but I wasn’t going to be a part of a family being torn apart."

"Luckily in the end, the guy she was interested in didn’t cheat on his wife, and the family is still intact 15 years later, doing great."

- Koko-Bear

All Part of the Wedding Planning...

"Reason given was, 'one last fling before the ring.'"

- vanroy241090

"If that’s what you decide to do before you get married, why even get married in the first place? What a waste of f**king time. I’ll never understand people like that."

- GoldenGlobeWinnerRDJ

Exiting Abusive Relationships

"My ex-wife was incredibly abusive and controlling, and she used violence and the police to keep me from leaving her."

"Women around me started to sympathize and approach me, and I was so starved for affection that I didn't even hesitate."

"I found the love of my life and we've been together for eleven years now. We've never even had a serious fight, it's bliss."

- Daetok_Lochannis

The Last First Kiss

"I was the other guy. A woman I'd known for a couple of years was becoming increasingly disillusioned with her husband, he was drinking too much and getting more and more emotionally and verbally abusive, and we had a two-month fling because she wanted to feel valued again."

"She dumped me and told me she was going to make a proper go of her marriage, she gave him six months to quit drinking or she was going to kick him out, he just got worse, and the final straw was when he drunkenly dragged their eldest kid out of bed at 2:00 AM to berate him about the state of his bedroom."

"She kicked him out. A week later, we hooked up again. 22 years and two grown-up children later, our fling is going quite well."

- vinny876

The Apology Isn't Coming

"I was selfish, I can think of a hundred reasons why I did, but in the end, I was just selfish. I do not have many regrets in my life but that one will stay with me forever. A life lesson learned the hard way."

- blister693

"My ex-girlfriend cheated on me (I'll have to see her for a while because I had a son by her). Reading things like this gives me hope that one day she'll look at herself and finally admit how badly she hurt me."

"Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you learned and hope you'll treat your current or future significant others with much more respect."

- Thre3zekiel

"Closure doesn't come from other people. Don't hang your hopes on getting closure from her."

"My ex is happy as a pig in s**t. He has no regrets."

"If my happiness was based on his apology, I'd still be unhappy."

- mykidisonhere

Long-Distance Relationships Aren't For Everyone

"I blamed cheating on being in a long-distance relationship. I think it's really that people like attention and can't turn away from it when it becomes something more."

"I personally would feel bad about it when it happened and wouldn't want to put someone else through that, and yet I'd keep doing it."

"But then I got cheated on later in a different relationship and actually got to feel the hurt. It's not something I'd want to do someone again."

- Tugonmynugz

Just Another Part of the Relationship

"Everyone is different. Some people were raised around it and therefore, it was normalized from a young age."

"Some people are cheated on early and often. When you're young and immature, some people don't have the capacity to really think about how their actions can affect other people."

"For me, my first, like, four or five girlfriends all deceived me and cheated on me in some capacity. And a lot of it was my being too clingy and emotionally needy and I would guilt them when they tried to leave me (which stemmed from a toxic, abusive childhood where love was a transaction or manipulation of some kind). And then when they did finally leave me and I found out they were talking to/dating/f**king other dudes beforehand, I extrapolated it to all women and figured it's just what they are all going to do anyway."

"It's twisted myopia birthed out of insecurity and inexperience. Most 20-year-olds don't possess the humility to consider the possibility they have no clue what they are talking about because they feel things so deeply and passionately."

"Ultimately, my experience was that I was conditioned to believe cheating was just a part of life and if everyone is doing it then on some level, it was okay. People get older and wiser. If you don't believe people can grow up, of course, you're going to believe things like 'Once a cheater, always a cheater,' but I sincerely question the growth and progress of a person with such a static view of humanity."

- nevertoomuchthought

Revenge Cheating

"I walked in on her with a co-worker, so I revenge cheated with someone close to her. It created a triangle of emotional damage. But I learned how to process the bad stuff in a healthier way once the dust settled from the three of us destroying each other."

- heastianvirgin

"I was tempted to revenge cheat, but then I thought about it and realized that being a cheater was who he is, not who I am. I filed for divorce instead."

- Queen_Aurelia

The Coward's Way Out

"I was young and dumb, not really ready to commit, and too much of a coward to break it off."

- BananaBrute

"I’ve had a few cowards in my time."

"I just don’t understand it. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off! Get it over and done with and not destroy your partner's trust in relationships. I bloody hate cowards."

- cyrilly

A Wrench in the Family Gears

"I want people to know… your kids WILL FIND OUT. Maybe not right away, but eventually, and they never look at you the same, speaking from experience. I was bartending, and my dad’s different friends and employees all would go on to get drunk and confirm things for me over the years."

- Koko-Bear

"I had a strained relationship with my father and I didn't like him very much as a person at times but I still respected him when I was younger. His problem was he always talked to me like I was his buddy instead of his son and overshared. A few times he would talk to me about one-night stands he'd had (despite me telling him I didn't want to know)."

"He was either too stupid to realize I would figure out it was when he was married to my mother or he didn't care. When he left my mother for another woman I was disappointed in him. When I found out he cheated on her several times I was disgusted with him and lost a lot of respect for him."

- MikoSkyns

The Pain of Discovery

"She found out. She cried a lot."

"I saw the amount of hurt I caused her. Honestly, I'm still not sure if I've changed. But I want to. That's a starting point for me."

- Empty_Regret6345

"For real: being able to understand how another person feels is the beginning of empathy. It’s something that cannot be taught but is so essential for a healthy life and society. You gotta keep leaning into it even when it hurts."

- mfkboston

"My wife finding out was the turning point for me, too. I thought she would be mad, yelling at me, and we would argue and she would eventually cool down. That is the culture I was raised with."

"Instead, she broke down, and she was just hysterically crying for the entire day, saying she wanted to die and that she can never trust anyone ever again."

"It genuinely shook me to my core, and all I wanted to do was comfort her but I couldn't because I was the person who made her that way. It made me feel a sense of guilt and shame that I shiver even thinking about today."

"She found out I was cheating on her at the club I was working at. Not with anyone, in particular, just random girls here or there. We got a divorce and got remarried three years later, and have been married for 20 years since."

- frogvscrab

While some of these stories are to be expected, some of them were genuinely surprising.

This just goes to show that you never really know what's going on in another person's relationship or what could be the reason for its failing.