Any mature adult who understands relationships and love knows that physical appearances are not everything. Sure, physical attractiveness does play a part, but friendship, trust and respect are also major factors to a healthy relationship.
Unfortunately, some people are just shallow. One woman was so alarmed to discover her boyfriend's views on women, that she began to question if she should still be with him.
As some do when in doubt, she took to the internet to gather the opinions of impartial strangers.
The Original Poster (OP) explained how much her boyfriend seems to love her.
"My (27f) boyfriend (37m) tells me he loves me, and has told me that I'm the first girlfriend he's had that he's proud to walk around in public with. He says that he's proud that I'm the hottest girl he sees most days."
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That's all very sweet...
Except, something about his last statement didn't sit right.
"I was confused and asked him to explain. He stated that with all his ex-girlfriends, he would compare them to other, hotter women throughout the day, and would always wish his girlfriend was as hot as the other women."
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Wishing that your significant other was "as hot as the other women" sounds extremely insulting and OP was disgusted.
"I immediately felt sick to my stomach. Isnt that super shallow? I have never seen a guy in public, and thought to myself, 'Wow, I wish my boyfriend was as hot as him.'"
OP didn't understand how you could love someone, yet wish they looked like someone else.
Love goes deeper than physical appearances, after all.
"Because I love my partner and the way he looks... because that's who he is! I understand admiring attractive people, but to wish that your partner looked like them? Won't that just leave you feeling dissatisfied in your partner?"
"I wonder, did my boyfriend ever truly love his exes? Does it mean he's super shallow? Am I being ridiculous for being concerned about this? Does every guy do this?"
She also realized that with age, her looks may change.
Would that ruin their relationship?
"I believe wholeheartedly that comparison is never the way to happiness, so I'm concerned that once I lose my attractiveness over time, and he begins to do this to me, will it **** with our relationship? Am I crazy?"
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The people of Reddit understood where the OP was coming from, and didn't think that her line of thinking was crazy at all.
In fact, everything about his actions were a big red flag.
"Sounds to me this 37 year old is actively showing you why he's dating someone 10 years younger than him. He wants someone hot. He wants you to make him look better. No, this is not something all guys do. This is something controlling guys do." - livinghapa
"At the age of 37 if he hasn't figured out relationships go deeper then physical appearance he probably never will....do you want to continuously be compared to other women? Chances are he will 'upgrade' to a younger, hotter girl by his standards as you grow older....kinda depressing really don't waste your time on him...there are 2sy better men out there" - Jbean97
"I think it's safe to assume he's going to dump you in a few years where you no longer 'pride' him" - dontgivemeawards1
So he bases his choice of partner on what makes better arm candy so he looks better in public? Yeah he's shallow and this is lame. You aren't a trophy, you're a human being who needs love and care. Screw that. - hauntedvcr
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect by their romantic partner, and this boyfriend was not doing that.
"'I'm the hottest girl he sees most days'
Girl, he should be saying youre the hottest girl period' - eggstoasty
"Never date a guy who treats other women badly. You're on a pedestal now but trust me, you'll end up in the same position they are once the novelty wears off" - GoodBoyGrendel
Later on, the OP discussed her concerns with her boyfriend and updated everyone on his response.
It was not comforting.
"Update:"
"I brought this up to him. My boyfriend (who is Asian) states that he thinks white women are the epitome of attractiveness (I am white). He is not attracted to Asian women, but has only ever really dated Asian women because white women don't often date Asian men."
"He always felt like he couldn't date the type of girl he found most attractive. He said he then often dated these other women to fight loneliness, rather than because he was truly attracted to them."
The update only confirmed the fact that the boyfriend was treating her and other women like objects.
"Your edit just makes this worse. Not only is he shallow, he's also racistly sexist towards women of his own race. That shows a serious lack of character and moral fiber."
"That kind of attitude will effect you and your relationship. He undoubtedly has other sexist beliefs. He's also fetishizing you, and he does value your looks to highly. Yes it's for a weird reason, but that doesn't change that he's fixated on appearances."
"If you plan to have kids, you cannot have them with this man. He will pass on his sex based racism to his sons and destroy the self esteem of his daughters." - abundantmonkeys
Everyone had already confirmed that the boyfriend was shallow... but following this update, one Reddit user succinctly summed it up:
"Eh, I'm going to skip all the detail on the objectivity and shallowness and sign-off with the simplest truth to this story: a person who exclusively values aesthetics isn't going to hang around for better or for worse. It's only a matter of time before (in his mind) someone even more appealing comes along and off they go." - FUTFUTFUTFUTFUTFU
The consensus was that the OP needed to end this toxic relationship as soon as possible. She really does deserve better! We hope that she took all of the advice she got to heart.
@marawilson.bsky.social/BlueSky
