Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

People Break Down The Best PG-Rated Insults They've Ever Heard

People Break Down The Best PG-Rated Insults They've Ever Heard
RobinHiggins/Pixabay

Insults come in many forms, most of them involving swear words or similar affronts. However, there is something to be said for a truly cutting remark made without the use of such language.

Some favorites are always old Victorian slang and insults. They just hit different. Something about telling an a-hole “you sir are an unlicked cub and your wife a sausage wallet" is just more satisfying. Although we do not recommend going around insulting people, the list of swear-free insults below will certainly get a chuckle.


Redditor Beadiest_Cape wanted to hear the best cuss free insults out there and asked:

“What's the best insult you've heard without swearing?"

Professor burn…

“After getting a compliment on his assignment, A buddy of mine leaned back in his chair and told our college professor, ‘I'm not as dumb as I look.’ To which he leaned forward on his podium and said, ‘You couldnt be.’” dusty_boots

“…and may God have mercy on your soul.”

​“One of the best is from Billy Madison, ‘What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.’”maswriter

You should apologize…

“You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you'd better hope they don’t die.” WhatThatBoiDoin

“Whenever this question is posted, my favorite is usually along the lines of: ‘There's a tree somewhere in the Amazon jungle with sole purpose of producing oxygen you breathe. You should go find that tree and apologize." all_worth

How low can they go?

“The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel” BlckAlchmst

That reminds me of one comment i read saying: ‘the bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are dancing limbo with the devil’.give_it_a_vodkashot

Series 2 Limbo GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy

"Having been born an infant, and realizing he quite liked it, he decided to stay one forever." overt-wan-kenobert

From Casablanca: ‘You probably think pretty poorly of me don't you?’”

"’I would if I gave you any thought’" koiven

These teachers got clap backs for days…

“I had a teacher tell some kid ‘Nothing you have to say is of any consequence...to anyone.’ He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its sh*t in unison.” glib_battling

“I had a guy sit behind me in English class let out of fart that reverberated off the wooden seat. The whole class heard it. The teacher said ‘that's the most intelligent thing you've said all year’. Pricelessmelbers22

The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Bob Dylan…

​“Bob Dylan: One day, I wish you'd be in my shoes, so you could know... what a drag it is to see you.” WhatDaufuskie

I was at a karaoke 50th the other night and this one caught my eye. Thankfully I wasn't drunk enough to sing it. But I love this song for its sick burn. Poor old Edie. Bob really gave it to her that time.” crankenfranken

Down the Monty Python rabbit hole…

“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt... of elderberries!” UpTwoDownOne

“Elderberries were the cheap replacement for grapes in making wine. That is basically ‘your father is a drunk and can't afford the good stuff’.” ukezi

“And hamsters have sex all the time with no regard for monogamy.” draconum_ggg

“So, ‘Your mother is being cheated on but is also a w*ore and you father is a drunk who is also broke’.” EmpanadaDeMayonesa2

Firefly insults…

​“‘My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a...middle.’ --Mal Reynolds”

"’It's not that I hate you, exactly; it's just that any admiration I have for you is well under control.’” FlourChild1026

Shakespeare master of insults…

“Straight from Shakespeare ‘I wish we could become better strangers’.” Dundeklil

“Also from Shakespeare: (Fallstaff, after Bardolf calls him fat) ‘Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life.’” driving_andflying



Excuse us while we go grab the burn cream.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

More from Trending/best-of-reddit

Screenshots of Justin Bieber being hounded by paparazzi
X17OnlineVideo

Fans Defend Justin Bieber After He Confronts Paparazzi For Constantly Hounding Him

Fans defended Justin Bieber after he berated the relentless paparazzi and accused them of only being concerned with turning a profit over valuing people's lives.

According to X17, the "Intentions" singer's retreat to Palm Springs, days before the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, was anything but relaxing as he clashed with the paparazzi for a third day in a row.

Keep ReadingShow less
RFK Jr.
Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images

RFK Jr. Slammed After Claiming HHS Will Discover The Cause Of 'Autism Epidemic' By September

U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. declared that scientists would determine the cause of the "autism epidemic" by September, even though scientists haven't discovered a breakthrough despite decades of research.

In a cabinet meeting with Republican President Donald Trump on Thursday, RFK Jr. stated:

Keep ReadingShow less
J.D. Vance and Usha Vance listen to Susan Meyers during his Greenland visit
Jim Watson/Pool/AFP via Getty Images

Space Force Commander Fired Over Email Criticizing Vance's Greenland Comments

Vice President J.D. Vance and the wider Trump administration are facing criticism now that Colonel Susan Meyers was removed from her post as commander at Greenland's Pituffik Space Base after breaking with Vance in an email she wrote following his controversial visit to the island territory.

Greenland is an autonomous territory of the Kingdom of Denmark, alongside the Faroe Islands, the only other autonomous territory within the Kingdom. Citizens of both Greenland and the Faroe Islands are full citizens of Denmark. As one of the Overseas Countries and Territories of the European Union, Greenland’s citizens are also recognized as EU citizens.

Keep ReadingShow less
Karoline Leavitt and Scott Bessent
Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images

Karoline Leavitt Dragged After Making Mind-Numbing Claim About Trump's Tariffs Reversal

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt is getting called out after she attempted to justify President Donald Trump's sudden reversal on his proposed tariffs, telling reporters that his actions make sense because he has a master plan to make the world bend the knee.

Trump declared a full 90-day suspension of all the “reciprocal” tariffs that took effect at midnight April 10—except for those on China—in a dramatic about-face from a president who had long championed his historically high tariff rates as permanent.

Keep ReadingShow less
religion signs
Noah Holm on Unsplash

People Explain What Stopped Them From Going To Church Anymore

There's been a perception of a bit of an exodus from religion for the last several decades. But humanity has gone from no organized religions to oppressive religious regimes to rebellion and back again over the last several millennia.

But is the 21st century when religion finally fails to bounce back?

Keep ReadingShow less