CW: abuse and neglect.
Some people see their family on a regular, sometimes daily basis.
Others see them in person maybe once or twice a year, even if they remain on mostly good terms and stay in contact via phone or video chat.
Then there are those who sadly are no longer in contact with their families, by their own choosing.
Some people slowly realize that being an active part of their family's life simply isn't healthy for them, and gradually phase them out.
While others might cut ties with their family immediately following one inciting incident.
Redditor Alarming_Basil6205 was curious to hear why people made the bold decision to cut ties with their family, leading them to ask:
"People who cut off their family, what did they to you?"
Still Trying To Cut Ties
"Grew up in an explosive and abusive household, when I was finally able to move out I started slowing distancing myself."
"Mom went off the deep end."
"Started out accusing me of sleeping with every single person I know (yes, EVERY person),coming up with outlandish stories for why I was an awful person."
"When I cut her off completely she started stalking me."
"I changed my number and moved to a new state, I did not give anyone, including my brother, my new home address, and started receiving cards in the mail from her last year."- lovelyxcastle
Lies, Manipulation, And Abuse
"I found out my dad wasn't really my dad, and then my mother proceeded to lie about what actually happened."
"I experienced a childhood full of physical & verbal abuse, but he never laid a hand on my sisters."
"Now I know why."
"I corroborated the truth via other family members before cutting off all contact with mom & 'dad'."
"Still close with sisters though."- chAtoyant453
Couldn't Help, No Matter How Hard They Tried
"My cousin had addiction problems and just burned every bridge in our family."
"Used to be we’d buy him food and stuff he needs instead of just giving him money because it’d go straight to more drugs but he eventually became so toxic we couldn’t even do that."- KermitTheFraud92
Only Present When Convenient
"My father was an abusive alcoholic who left us when I was a teen."
"He was clearly not okay mentally."
"We reconnected in my early 20s and when I finally started to build my trust for him again he disappeared."
"He tried to reconnect with me a year later when he needed something."
"I haven't spoken to him since then."- Ducktheducky
Theft
"My cousin (still a12yo child at this point) lost both her parents and the family had to help her sell her parental house."
"Long story short, one of my aunts secretly sold the house without telling anyone and kept the profit (250k) for herself."
"Everyone thought the house was still up for sale until the real estate agent informed my cousin's actual guardian (a different aunt) that my other aunt had sold the house and he thought it was sketchy."
"Good news though, my aunt was sued, had to pay everything back and the 250k was directly deposited into my cousin her bank account and my aunt received an additional 50k fine she had to pay my cousin and guardian aunt for emotional damage."
"We do not speak about this aunt anymore."- locococomokko
Humiliation Over Help
"Aunt in the rich part of the family made my mother clean their bathrooms one day when she told them we couldn't afford food (unlucky situation, both parents unemployed within days), instead of just helping her out."
"They didn't even pay her, they gave her food they had prepared that day and some potatoes and oil."
"From that day on, my mother was so hurt and felt so humiliated I decided to pretend they don't even exist."- oo-----D
Greed And Elder Abuse
"I cut out my mother's side of the family."
"Her sister and brother made it their personal goal to financially ruin my parents."
"Then the other sister piled on."
"All three of them had been borrowing money from my grandparents for years and when the other sister sold my grandparents house out from under them 'because they cant live on their own anymore' my grandparents were appalled when they were told by my aunt that she was putting them in a home."
"So they lived with my parents instead and the other siblings accused my parents of taking their inheritance."
"They harassed, stalked, and vandalized my parents property until both grandparents were dead."
"I will never forgive them and hope their own children treat them as poorly as they treated my parents and grandparents."- Jubjub0527
At Least There's One
"Mother - was never really present."
"Even after my father died."
"Brother - Father died when I was not an adult."
"House was left to four of his sons."
"One brother conned into signing the house over to him for loan purposes to fix the house up."
"Stole house."
"Another brother - stole from me and my family with high regularity."
"Forgave him a bunch of times."
"Kept doing it so I gave up."
"Extended family - non existent."
"With all that being said I have a fantastic relationship with the last brother."- Hopchocky
Befitting Of A "Runaway"...
"They reported me to my country's officials for being a 'runaway' (I was 26), a heathen, a wh*re, and (I wish this was a joke) a witch."
"All are crimes in my country."
"So yes. I have nothing to do with them anymore."- just_lurking_b99
Lies And Abuse Were Just The Tipping Point
"My sister was cut off about 10 years ago after several incidents involving her spreading rumors about me at my work for a third time."
"She told one of my boss that I was a hard drug user (i never touch the stuff)."
"She kept doing that after I warned her."
"I cut off the rest of my family when I confronted them about multiple historical events of physical abuse and torture from when I was a kid."
"They refused to talk about it and were verbally abusive about it."
"I cut them off about 5 years ago and my life has taken a positive turn since."- riconoir28
Not Cut Ties, But Rather Loosened Ties
"Just stress."
"Every phone call, every visit, holidays , events."
"Constantly berated, questioned and feuding."
"I didn’t cut them off in the sense of no contact."
"I just stopped caring."
"I don’t ask, I don’t get involved."
"Phone calls last 3 minutes because I have nothing to share everything is good here."
"Holidays I eat and leave."
"And I’m too busy for random drop ins because kids have sports and friends and I have hobbies."
"When they come to me and vent I simply respond in unique ways that they’ll figure it out and I’m unsure what I’d do in their place."- MochiSauce101
Unhealthy Work/Life Balance
"I grew up in a family that looked perfect from the outside."
"4 kids and parents as a solid unit."
"One thing we never talked about was dads explosive anger which led to 'episodes' that he would never apologize for."
"Just be nice later and we would all just brush it under the rug."
"Cut to my age of 31 and I had been working with my father as a financial planner for 6 years helping grow 'our' client base."
"My mother and younger sister work with us as well as assistants."
"Only problem is every 6 months to a year I’d get fired by my dad."
"Massive blowup and a 'f*ck you, I have everything and you have nothing'."
"'Get out and I will never talk to you again'.”
"Then he would be nice in a day or 2, make some promises to put things in writing and we’d all just forget it."
"But you only want to bring up 'that contract' so many times before you worried you would cause another episode."
"He would say things like, 'you really think I would throw you, my daughter in law and grandkids out on the street?'"
"You would think no of course not, it is what you threaten and I do get scared but no, he wouldn’t actually do that."
"Surprise, that’s what happens."
"Business value almost triples."
"He tortures me until I lose 17 pounds (and I’m a skinny guy) and I quit."
"Walk away with nothing."
"We end up hiring a company that works with family businesses for over 20k to help solve our family crisis."
"Specialists, psychologists and lawyers all involved."
"They write a report after interviewing every family member multiple times for hours and hours, including my siblings that don’t work there."
"Report comes out, my dad loses his mind."
"Fires the company that wrote the report."
"I make peace that it is all over."
"Start interviewing to just work at the bank."
"I have not been paid in almost 6 months."
"I have two daughters 3 years old and 1 years old."
"But my dad comes back and starts making promises again, re-hires the family business specialists."
"We have a meeting where I agree to not take the position at the bank after 3 successful interviews."
"I will manage the business while my father vacations for a month and he will sell me my own clients."
"But I agree cause I don’t really want to work at the bank."
"My dad leaves on his trip."
"I think things are finally getting worked out (for the 10th time) but he comes back a month later and won’t answer my calls."
"I go and see him in the office and bring my 1 year old who hasn’t seen for 4 months."
"He says he is going to finalize the list of clients I am to buy."
"I haven’t talked to my dad since."
"That was over 6 years ago."
"He ended up getting me fired from our investment dealer because I contacted 'his clients' even though he had either never met them or they were some of my best friends."
"Then he sued me."
"I had no money or anyway to fight him so I just abandoned everything and started over."
"I don’t talk to my dad, mom, brother, older sister, grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins and many family friends."
"They all got my fathers narrative."
"The patriarch said get out and everyone else just let it happen."
"Only my younger sister who worked there knows what happened and we are very close."
"We both just don’t talk to our family."
"My wife and I are way better off and super happy."
"I made more money last year than I ever would have imagined and I’m my own boss."- bosonsNblackholes
Cutting ties with family members is never a decision to be taken lightly.
And working towards a resolution and reconciliation is always an excellent first step.
Sometimes though, the only way to reach a peaceful resolution is to move on and step away.
