The only person who knows whether or not they're dating material is ourselves.
In spite of the flaws we hide, we put ourselves out there in the hopes that someone will be interested or attracted to us and appreciate who we are.
But we know all too well there's only so much a person will know about us based on what we reveal.
Strangers opened up about their insecurities when Redditor Candid_Exercise3263 asked:
"One reason why wouldn’t you date yourself?"
These Redditors have low self-esteem.
Zero Personality
"I’m a boring person. i’d get bored of myself."
– Onomadekowo
"Sameeee. I think I’m literally dead inside."
– Obviously_duhh
"That's okay I'm dead inside too, makes dating impossible doesn't it?"
– NightOwl1995
The Introvert
"No as long as I'm alone in the room it's all gucci. Soon as I'm around humans, problems start. That's because we're being made self aware and the truth is, there's no need to be self aware. It does not improve anyone's life, rather makes it sh**ty for everyone participating. Others don't need to remind us, without that judgement we can be anything we want to be. True freedom of imagination is not supported in the world, so I remove myself from it and exist here, behind this screen. On this screen I have hobbies, hobbies I enjoy and can continue to enjoy without the opinions of others. Society is just this thing that exists, but it's not necessary. Since 2020 I've been doing fine without it, I'm kind of sad lockdown is over, now they crawl the earth again. It was nice and quiet for a while."
– NightOwl1995
Self-Deprecating
"Why would I date someone ugly, overweight and with poor hygiene?"
– DukeMenno
"you can work on your weight and hygiene. start today!"
– RcadeMo
"I’d date someone ugly that has good hygiene and wasnt over weight over someone that looks « good » but is overweight and bad hygiene any day of the year. A lot of people are ugly especially because they dont take care of themself."
– erichaskell
Work In Progress
"I know I prefer solitude over company, I have anger issues, and I don't talk about my feelings. It would be like dating my dad, basically."
"Fun fact though, I started treating myself the way I'd want a partner to treat me and the way I'd treat my partner. It's changed my entire perception, and while I am not 'in love' with myself, I managed to reach a level where my own comfort feels just as fulfilling as being comforted by someone else would. I actually love myself now, in a healthy, wholesome way. Also, the sex is amazing. Best ship ever."
– AdorableParasite
These traits can be annoying to the other person.
"Too clingy. I’d seriously piss myself off."
– Equivalent-Path-8803
"I'm the exact opposite. I'd never see me as I'm a huge introvert, so I might as well not be in a relationship with me."
– Lana_Del_Roy
Being Impulsive
"I either act without thinking or overthink without acting. Very little in between."
– StasnoFrete
Idiosyncrasies
"I need someone who'll *handle* me on my Manic\Mad-Science days, not egg me on to make a explosively pumped flux compression generator and set it off near the highway behind my house."
– Thaser
It's Always About Me
"I need to be the center of their attention, but I have the attention span of a squirrel. Id be in a constant loop of arguing with me about how Im not paying enough attention to me. While im trying to figure out whats going on over there. But i need you to watch me as i wander off...from me. Then get mad that im also wandering off and not paying any attention to me."
– WanderingOoze
Weak Candidates
"I’m a picky eater…could never find a place to eat out."
– Idontmakedeals
"I’m a walking red flag absolute nightmare."
– carpizzauk
"Because I'm toxic and too busy."
– LightStargal
Some people need a confidence boost.
"I'm extremely off/on. Some days I want human company, others, I'm content to go days without talking to someone else."
"That and I have trouble forming attachments. Mixed with the above and some social anxieties, I'd never approach another until I was head over heels madly in love. And that sort of relationship imbalance is extremely inconducive to building healthy, stable relationships on either side."
– Daeyel1
Once More With Feeling
"An anxietal habit of mine is to repeat myself. I hate when people repeat themselves. I hate when I repeat myself."
– Vlaed
To cap this conversation, here's what I think.
The whole "even I wouldn't date me" line is just an excuse to avoid working on yourself.
We all have room for improvement and nobody is perfect.
But unless you're fine being single–and I know plenty of people who prefer not being in a relationship–you have to love yourself to be able to give that love to others, and that takes some introspection and effort.
RuPaul was onto something when he touted the self-love mantra on Drag Race.
"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
@kileywrestling/Bluesky
