November is looking to be a busy time for a pregnant woman who is looking forward to welcoming her first child in the fall.
However, she is not looking forward to her brother-in-law's grand wedding—which follows two weeks after her expected due date.
When Redditor "throwawaysil120" turned down a mentally daunting wedding task due to childbirth recovery concerns, the family accused her of being "impossible" and exaggerating her "pregnancy woes."
Now, the Original Poster (OP) is considering boycotting the wedding and asked WBITA (Would I Be the a**hole) if she decided not to go.
She wrote:
"I (29f) am pregnant with my first child and due to give birth in November."
"My BIL and his fiancée have planned to have a wedding during this time (roughly 2 weeks after my due date) and I'm super excited for them!"
The elation was short-lived when the OP found out the nature of her assigned interactive duty.
"However they have huge plans in place, with over 100 guests. The argument started when each family member was assigned a certain wedding task."
"Mine was to ensure the guests walked out with their 'thank-you' gifts (which is to be segregated by age & gender)."
"This would involve initiating small talk and bidding adieus to guests, coordinating with the gifting committee etc. I said that there is no way I would be able to do this after giving birth only 2 weeks earlier and this sounded ridiculous."
Suggesting an alternative solution was futile, and tensions further escalated.
"I offered to do the excel work- sorting names, addresses and gifts but this idea was also shot down."
"In a short while, the argument took another direction and my in-laws went off saying that I'm being an impossible woman and exaggerating my pregnancy woes and that there are thousands of women who give birth everyday and go to work right after and this is an excuse to disrespect the family."
The OP felt the wedding was becoming a higher priority than her postpartum health.
"I said I won't be attending the wedding if that's what they think of me. Honestly, I don't even know how my body would react 2 weeks after giving birth and I'm worried it's all about the wedding now and not about my health or the child's."
"My husband took their side too and I've had it with this family!
"AITA for not wanting to attend this wedding although I love my BIL and his fiancée?"
Unfortunately, the next few hours brought on more anxiety.
The OP updated her post, writing:
"It's been almost 8h since the first argument and my MIL is still going on about how people are gonna gossip about the missing DIL and the shame this is going to bring upon the family and if I'm so paranoid about coming to the wedding, I should consider a C-sec 2 weeks in advance as that will give me a 4 week rest period."
"BIL's fiancée is now crying saying that I've made the wedding about me and not about them."
"Apparently I've ruined the first major family event in 8 years. There was a lot of shouting and cussing, even our neighbors came to check on us & invited me to stay with them till the situation calms down."
"My dad is driving home to pick me up tomorrow morning (5-6h away) and suggested that I stay at my parents to be away from this hostile environment."
"As for my husband, he got told off for suggesting to postpone the wedding by a month. This incident has made me realise a lot of things, mainly that the in-laws are inconsiderate a**holes."
"No screenshots will enlighten them all of a sudden. And also I'm a fool for agreeing to cover 20% of the event cost as our wedding gift."
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP and slammed the in-laws for their lack of understanding and irrational response.
"NTA. Of course. Your husband siding with his family is insane and tells a lot [about] how he sees you, the pregnancy and how life will go on after having the baby." – Cocoasneeze
"I think the problem for him is...when you grow up in crazy you don't even understand until you remove yourself from it. This is normal behavior for his family." – JudgyLurker
"Your in-laws are nuts. Your husband also sucks for taking their side. Glad to see your dad is getting you."
"Have you already given the in-laws money for the wedding? If not, don't let them have it" – nonanonaye
"It deeply saddens me that you're already pregnant and still just wishing he'd care enough to educate himself, but if he won't take the initiative, maybe forcefully educate him."
"Make him watch birthing videos that include tearing, make him read up on 'real talk' postpartum blogs (including post-natal bleeding e.t.c... what's coming to mind is some lifestyle blogger who showed herself wearing an adult diaper because of the bleeding and discharge), and so on." – Puzzled-Snail
"An extra thing to remember: a first baby often comes late. The median delivery date for a first time mother with health ins. and prenatal care is 8 days after the 'due date.'
"Take him to one of your appointments and have the dr explain to him what your first weeks of postpartum care will be like." – thumb_of_justice
The in-laws were castigated for suggesting the OP get a C-section.
"I can not believe they had the f'king nerve to suggest you get a medically unnecessary c section just so you could do one job at a wedding! That level of entitlement is unfathomable." – gataattack
"The idea of a scheduled C-section to accommodate doing what i see as a stupid job at a wedding is beyond ludicrous! A C-section is major surgery FFS!! what a pack of entitled, ignorant a**holes! NTA OP!" – starwarschick16
The OP was also made aware of the fact that the delivery might not happen on the expected date.
"You might not have even given birth when the wedding happens. First babies are often overdue by one or two weeks."
"NTA op but your inlaws and especially your husband are. The health of a mother and newborn > a wedding." – PaddyCow
Here are some examples of what the new mother can expect that justifies why the OP will not be the right candidate for the delegated role at the wedding.
"Two weeks after giving birth you will have a two week old baby - that means maximum sleep deprivation, for you and your husband."
"Takng a shower, putting on nice clothes and going somewhere other than you house is already maximum effort."
"For me it was peak coming down from hormones bursting into messy tears for no reason at all and feeling totally alien in my own body time."
"Asking you to do something mentally and emotionally taxing is asking for you to have a breakdown in the middle of their wedding, which is really something most people don't want."
"And I'm honestly assuming you are not planning to breastfeed, because that would make even attending the wedding about 100x harder than it already would be, and mean you would have to spend about half the time there pumping or feeding the baby." – Music_withRocks_In
This Redditor can vouch for the emotional roller coaster that typically follows childbirth.
"At two weeks my hormones were all over the place!! I couldn't control my emotions or feelings at all. I was such a mess and couldn't even think straight due to lack of sleep."
"I didn't even want to put on pants.... Pushing out a baby is not easy!!! Plus he was 6 days late so he was super stubborn coming out lol."
"Your husband is going to have his MIND BLOWN after you give birth. You will be so exhausted ..like you have never been in your entire life and he will see how ridiculous his family's demands were."
"I also think they are very selfish and their requests are absolutely ridiculous and unfathomable. They have no right to tell you how you are going to feel after you give birth and to suggest a c section."
"I don't think they are 'ok' in the head. Absolutely bonkers."
"I wouldn't let them see the child.... if they think that giving birth and recovering is no big deal then meeting the baby is no big deal either."
"Sorry you have to deal with this! I wouldn't go to the wedding and i would stop talking to those crazy people because they are insane." – KayBee36
November is still months away.
Hopefully, a sound compromise and understanding will restore the peace.
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