This Just In:
Childless millennials have lost the ability to grasp the basic concepts of time and the human lifespan, but should expect to regain that power some time around their 45th birthday at which point they will wish they had reproduced in order to stave off crushing boredom as they wait around to die.
That's not the plot of some Harry Potter and the Mid-Life Crisis fanfic, it's the basic gist of things according to writer/podcaster Shane Morris.
Morris is a "reformed Christian" writer for the Colson Center, which says it "exists to help you understand your place in God's story."
He took to his personal Twitter recently and shared his thoughts on childless millennials.
\u201cMillennials who are very cavalier about not having children are in for a shock when they enter their 40s & realize life is only half over. What do you do at that point? Keep trying to be sexy & have fun? I expect to see a lot of sadness & confusion about what to do at that point.\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661270730
It didn't go well.
Morris seems to have a lot of ire towards people who choose not to have kids. When his "have kids so they are obligated to hang out with you" stance ended up dragged all over Twitter, he kept digging in.
First, he posted again about how terrible their lives will be without children to visit and care for them—completely ignoring no one is obligated to do that and a large chunk of the elderly who did have children still end up with those children not visiting or caring for them.
\u201cThose seething at my tweet about millennials not having kids should read this old masterpiece, then ask themselves whether they have reckoned with what it will really mean to be aging seniors with no family to visit or check on them. \nhttps://t.co/MG0BSxjF3V\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661282805
Then he decided to try a "crowdsourcing" approach.
\u201cCrowdsourcing this one: please screenshot the most insane/unhinged/revealing replies to that millennial childlessness tweet (esp from blue checks) and post in the replies. Thanks.\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661360086
The crowd sourced alright.
It sourced hard.
\u201c@GShaneMorris "Crowd sourcing"\nFor when you're \ntoo humiliated to read 15,000+\nresponses to your exceptionally bad take\n\nLack of offspring didn't seem to upset John, on the island of Patmos\n\nShane, \nnary a word acknowledging your insensitivity to those who suffered loss & infertility?\nReally?\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661360086
\u201c\u201cSomebody - anybody - pls validate my tweet\u201d ftfy Shane\u201d— Datori Shorti (@Datori Shorti) 1661372193
\u201c@GShaneMorris Bargain bin Matt Walsh would like you to help him get the word out that he\u2019s edgy.\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661360086
\u201c@GShaneMorris Of the replies I saw, none were insane or unhinged, and most revealed an understanding of the basic fact that not everyone shares the same values, goals and desires \u2013 a fact that you\u2019re apparently incapable of grasping.\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661360086
\u201cshane you literally cast judgment on people you don't know while cosplaying as a reformed christian who thinks single old people don't find other single old people sexy\u201d— \ud83d\udcf5\ud83d\udd28 Adult-Coded Sex Frog \ud83d\udcf5\ud83d\udd28 (@\ud83d\udcf5\ud83d\udd28 Adult-Coded Sex Frog \ud83d\udcf5\ud83d\udd28) 1661364567
\u201c@GShaneMorris This one is pretty pathetic:\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661360086
\u201c@GShaneMorris Maybe you should spend more quality time with your kids instead of getting your ass handed to you by both parents and non-parents on Twitter\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661360086
\u201c@GShaneMorris I\u2019m dying at these replies. Backfire\u201d— Shane Morris (@Shane Morris) 1661360086
Batting 0 for 3 doesn't seem to be slowing Shane down in the least.
It's been a few days and he is still trying to dig in on this and still getting thoroughly dragged.
Judge Judy Eye Roll GIF
@elonmusk/X
Loop Home GIF by Homepoet.de
Solar Energy GIF by Nexamp
Shave Shaving GIF by Shawn Mendes
The Sandlot Wow GIF