Making a pizza shouldn't be rocket science.
These are not those. These are things that should in no way ever go onto a pizza.
Reddit user, u/swervetastic, wanted to know what you monsters were putting on your pies when they asked:
What would be the worst pizza topping?
When it comes to pizza toppings the world is literally your oyster, in that you could probably put oysters on a pizza and it would make sense.
So long as it was a seafood-themed pizza. It's when the toppings don't make any sense that you run into problems.
"True story: I used to own a pizza restaurant. Guy calls up one day and orders a special pizza. He wanted pizza sauce mixed with chocolate sauce as a base. Sausage and hamburger for toppings. No cheese. But he wanted sunflower seeds from the salad bar sprinkled on top. I told him no way until I had payment in hand. He came up there and we made it. That pizza stank so bad. Horrible. Absolutely rancid."
Wait For It...
"okra"
"Can't be that bad"
"Pickled, slimy okra."
"Ok so it can be that bad"
Don't Knock It Till You Try It?
"Tarantulas"
"I saw a video where they ate fried spiders and they liked it."
You can just smell some foods so powerfully they rattle your bones through your nose.
These are those foods.
You Can Smell This Suggestion
"Office microwaved tilapia"
"How did that even enter your twisted little mind?"
"You've clearly never worked in an office."
Seeping Out Through The Wrapper
"Assuming we're talking actual food, durian."
"A group of us are at my friends cottage on Lake Erie one fall. Yearly bad movie weekend. Food, drink, smoke..."
"Someone smells gas. Then someone else. So we start looking for the source, checking the tanks, the stove. And then it dawns on my friend, It was her. She ate one of the durian candies I brought. The smell of gas was coming from her."
"I bought some durian candy. I passed it out to the children in my life. Expand their horizons or some sh-t. I would sneak it into candy dishes. Most of my friends new what it was upon seeing it."
[deleted]
"My wife's sister travels for her job and bought chocolate covered durian for my wife and I as a joke. We could smell it through the chocolate and sealed box and wrapping paper. We each took a bite just to say we tried it, but it went right in the outside garbage can afterwards. Every single thing about it is disgusting."
Do They Cook It With The Pickles On?
"There's a shop in town that advertises "HOME OF THE PICKLE PIZZA". Probably not the absolute worst, but that sounds silly. Can't knock it till I try it, though"
And then there's potential toppings like these, foods that shouldn't be anywhere near a pizza.
No, You Can Smell THIS Suggestion
"Surströmming"
"According to the videos I've seen that would be super gross."
"I've had it before. When prepped correctly it's pretty good. Open it outside, under water, and pull the meat apart and add to a flatbread with toppings. An issue is that a lot of the imported stuff cooks in the can due to the summer heat and dissolves the meat, causing it to be extra foul."
And Our Winner Is...
"Pineapple, no contest."
"It's because of people like you that I lived a lie for most of my life. Around friends and family I'd dutifully [munch] down those margaritas, pepperonis and mexicanas. I'd stomach stuffed crusts, deep dish, and anchovies. I even married a marinara-loving girl to reinforce the facade."
"But every Tuesday night when the wife was at her pilates class, I'd sneak across town to the shipyards, where, under a solitary flickering streetlight, Gord's Pizza Van served up individual slices of Hawaiian. It may have been sitting there most of the day under the heat lamps, it might have given me food poisoning on several occasions, but for those few short minutes each week, munching into those sweet, golden trapezoids, I actually felt alive."
"Finally, after my wife had been pressuring me to try for a child, I couldn't bare it any longer. So I mustered up my resolve, gathered my family about me and revealed to them the truth. My wife screamed and fainted, my mother burst into tears, and my father threw me out of the house and told me that he no longer had a son."
"I have a new life now, a new city, a new country. The weather in Toronto will be a challenge for me, a boy raised in sunnier [climates], for the rest of my life. And I know I have a long road ahead before I master the fine art of apologising. But it's a small price to pay to live among people who accept me, who love me, for who I truly am."
