Content Warning: Mental Health, Body Image, Addiction
Most of us have a time in our lives that we regret. Many we wasted a lot of time, many we hung out with the wrong crowd, or maybe we dated someone terrible.
But some people find themselves regretting entire decades of their lives, and it's often their twenties.
From trying to figure out life to working multiple low-paying jobs to focusing way too hard on school, it's easy to let those years go by and forget to live.
Redditor grievingtights asked:
"How did you 'waste' your 20s?"
Not Valued At Work
"I have stayed for a company that doesn't value my work and contribution to them, I have wasted a lot of opportunity because of that, I myself have to blame for it too I didn't have the courage to explore and try something new for my growth and development."
- Just-Photograph-2679
Not Valued At Home, Either
"In a toxic relationship and not understanding how to invest in myself. I’m still working on the second part."
- John-Ada
Climbing The Ladder, Who?
"Drifting from one low-paying dead-end blue-collar job to another."
"In my late 20s, I put myself through college at night while working one crappy full-time job and one crappy on the weekends part-time job. I did that for 12 years and I got two bachelors degrees and one MBA."
"I have developed a career in operations for high-tech startups, doing OK financially and career-wise, but it got off to a slow start for sure."
- Alfred-Adler
No More People-Pleasing
"Caring what people thought of me."
- Mrmakabuntis
"Man, I wasted my 20s working and missing out on spending time with loved ones. I'm 29 and still trying to figure out how not to care what people think. Does it come with time?"
- Scoobydoob33
"It took me 30 years and a profoundly significant life event that left me wanting to end it all. After a couple of years of suffering, I realized how little everything mattered. How meaningless it all was. When I was no longer depressed, I no longer gave a s**t about what others thought of me. I just did whatever I wanted."
"After a couple of years of very unhealthy behaviors, I decided to focus my efforts on volunteer work and help people in need. It’s a very liberating feeling when you no longer feel the fear of being judged."
- MadNhater
Unmemorable At Best
"My 20s were mostly a blur, I get flashbacks of it every once in a while. From what I do remember, it was just saaad."
- Cautious_Optimist183
"This is comforting, as a 26-year-old sad person."
"Sometimes I just sit there like... What the f**k am I doing with my life? I was newly 22 when the pandemic hit, and I'll be 27 soon... It just trips me out."
- throwawayadvice12e
Drinking It Away
"I lived at a bar and was the worst version of myself."
- SaltyIrishDog
"Same. Well, I worked at one, as well, but if I wasn't working, I was drinking."
"I don't remember a good chunk of my 20s, but I sure as s**t remember all the bottoms I hit and the bridges I obliterated en route to sobriety."
"Hopefully, life has improved for you, as well."
- mfritsche81
Find The Balance
"I spent way too much time worrying about the future instead of enjoying the present."
- Brief_Sector_8397
"That was a big part for me too. I just spent most of college by myself, focused on getting good grades and avoiding social interaction because I didn't want to drink and fall in with the rowdy crowd."
"In typical millennial fashion, I believed that if I worked hard, didn't drink or party, and got a good degree, that adult life would be easy."
"Fast forward 10 years and I make about the same or less as a lot of my friends/colleagues who actually had fun and socialized and got worse grades/degrees than I did. Never going to get those years back."
- OMGitsJoeMG
"And my regret from doing that has made me spend the last 20 years imploring my niece, nephews, etc. not to do the same! You don't have to completely ignore planning/working towards your future, but you will never be as healthy and unencumbered as you are in your 20s, so make a point of living in the present as much as you can and enjoying those years!!!"
- Ambivert111
Low Self-Esteem
"I wasted mine by having a poor body image and low self-esteem when I was actually thin and in shape."
- SHIRER47
"I can’t believe I used to think I was fat and obsessed over my weight. I look back at my old pictures and marvel at how my body used to look! I’d give anything to look that way now."
- honeypeppercorn
Putting Others First
"I was always caring for others and putting them first. I came third or fourth or fifth. Everything suffered. Everyone took advantage."
- cornandcandy
"Same thing with my family. I wish I took more priority back then. Now everyone is p**sed I am prioritizing and advocating for myself."
- practicalbuddy
"People like the version of you that they had the most control over."
"They’ll never like you as much as they used to because you changed and prioritized yourself."
- SailorGirl29
General Feelings Of Being Behind
"Laziness. I started getting my s**t together at 25, but I still feel perpetually behind at 30."
- QuotidianTrials
"I felt like this, as well. I was struggling to do math at Khan Academy, close to giving up and accepting an unfulfilling life. But then it hit me. If I want a better job, more money, more freedom, a better life, all that starts with me finishing whatever equation was in front of me. Baby steps, man. Break it up into small pieces."
- 12431
Discovering The Real Friends
"I went from going out drinking as much as possible to literally working 330+ days a year. Turns out you only have friends when you’re the fun guy, lol (laughing out loud)."
- Forthe-dawgz
"It took me a while to figure it out, but your actual friends, like real friends, are the ones who are still around when s**t isn't fun."
"The catch is, it's really hard to meet them when times are fun, because you run into so many 'friends' will stand with you when the music is playing and the drinks are flowing."
"The real ones are the ones who will stand with you when the music is a memory and the drinks are in the future."
- Bargeinthelane
Missed Opportunities Galore
"My job took me around the world in my 20s. I got to travel to some pretty cool places and a lot of not-so-cool places. I got to hang with locals and see a lot of things tourists never saw. It was a cool experience."
"The problem was, I was a heavy drinker at that point in my life. Instead of using what little free time I had to see and learn about where I was at and see the sites, I was focused on drinking and strip clubs."
"Yes, we did go see some things and do cool s**t, but I could’ve done so much more. I passed up on opportunities to see things while I was traveling to spend time in dank, smelly bars or strip clubs where pathetic guys like me were drooling over women."
- slider728
Rediscovery In Their 30s
"I married my first boyfriend. We were not a good match. I basically killed my body and mental health trying to be enough for him."
"I’m 30 now, about four years divorced, wayyy happier, learning what I want in life, and learning who I want to be."
- Opening_Top_5712
Self-Sabotaging To The Max
"All these responses are actually making me feel a bit better about my wasted decade."
"All I did was play games. A combination of chronic pain and a crippling fear of strangers made me give up on a normal life and live as cheap and humble as I could. I couldn't get my driver's license out of fear, couldn't hold a job out of panic, had no friends or even many acquaintances, and couldn't afford most hobbies."
"I'm nearing my 40s now and the experience at least helps save money. I learned to enjoy things that are free and have even made money from some. Things like propagating plants from clippings. It took my twenties to get going."
"I continue to waste my life by most people's standards to this day."
- LamiaBrandy
Just Start
"Staying in my bedroom and playing video games instead of living. This started when I was 18, I will be 26 in eight days, and I'm still living like this."
- Odd-Hyena-9704
"I was the same two to three years ago (27 now). I played video games, watched TV, and worked, while being angry that my boyfriend and I were doing nothing."
"The only suggestion? Just start."
"Start stuff, be bad it, laugh and forgive yourself, and either keep doing if you like, or find something you are OK with being s**t at for a little while as you figure it out."
"I got told and it is still true: the difference between nothing and a little something is huge. It is huge how it impacts you, and it is huge in how hard it feels. But (this quote is cliche and dumb but I like it) 'The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.'"
"Oh, and if you have any mental health thing making it hard, see if you can get professional help. This also falls into 'the difference between nothing and something' line."
- Skyraider96
While it's tough to think about "losing" a whole decade of your life and fearing your inability to never be able to get those years back, it's heartening at least to see that this isn't an isolated experience but a severely common one.
The second most important takeaway is that it doesn't have to be permanent.
If you want to live a different lifestyle, you have to decide what you want that lifestyle to be, and then?
Just start.
