Wikipedia Commons: Alex E. Proimos
We've all had those "face palm" moments, where you can't believe what someone just said or what what you just said. Sometimes, they even reach, "Why the hell did I say that?" levels of awkwardness. Reddit user, AyBake, posed the following question and got a multitude of responses:
"What was the worst "why the f*** did I say that" moment?"
So, SO Hard
Teacher asked me working hard or hardly working?. I had a brain fart and said Im hard. One of my friends heard me say it, Ill never live it down. Excal1pr
Honestly, We Would Have Simply Screamed
My wife walked in on a burglar in our living room earlier this month (she's fine, he ran away and didn't get anything or hurt anyone). When she saw him there she screamed "F***ing excuse me!"
For days after the event she's been like "Why was I polite???" Circleseven
*Sound Effect!
In 5th grade we were at an assembly where they told a story and would hold up cards for the audience to yell. When they held the card that said "GASP" everyone gasped while I screamed the word gasp as loud as I have ever screamed anything in my life. larksideoftheloon
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At Least They Still Got Married
My then future mother-in-law asked me how I like my steak at one of my first sit down dinners with my then fiancs family.
I said: If it bleeds, Ill eat it. And then I... winked. God dammit. simple_polejam
Punk-tuality Is Key
I was interviewing for my first job, I was probably 15-16 and nervous as hell. It was a job bussing tables and washing dishes at the golf club/catering area.
During the interview, the interviewer asked, "are you punctual?" I replied with, "I think you can tell from my appearance that I'm not punk at all, and I don't really like that kind of music."
Next question, "are you frequently on time to appointments?" And I answered normally, thinking it was just the next question... rhcpbassist234
The Lesson? Honesty Is Not Always Best
At my first interview for a large retail store I responded to the "what's your biggest weakness? " question with (in a slight fake southern drawl, for some god forsaken reason) "I'm not really, what you call, a people person"
Needless to say, I didn't get the job. Hidden_Samsquanche
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Less Friends = Less Problems
Was at the liquor store a while back, making small talk with the cashier during checkout. Dude is telling me about how one of his friends got hit by a car down the street a few nights ago - no major injuries were sustained, but they still got hospitalized and freaked everyone out. My response? "Haha dang, well maybe you should have less friends!" My ears started burning immediately and he kind of lets his voice trail off while finishing up the transaction. I later called the place, asked to speak to him, and apologized profusely for saying such a stupid thing. He was laughing about it, thankfully, but agreed that it was out of left field and that he had no idea how to respond. Good times. aman1420
Maybe Just Say, "Thank You, Come Again!"
I am a waiter. I try to hold the door open for every guest I wait on as they leave. One time I was holding the door for 3 women I had just waited on. One being an elderly lady, and using a walker. As she is waking towards me she says, "Thank you honey for getting me so full, and being so good to me." Before I tell you my response I will try and justify it by saying if you work in customer service you know we have a mental catalog of phrases we use in certain situations. Well, I turned to the wrong page and said, " No problem ma'am. So full you can barely walk, huh?" All 3 women looked at me in disgust. The elderly lady's walk got much faster as one hugged her in consolation. The other lady, I'm assuming her daughter, said to me, " She is 89 years old thank you. We are very proud of her." I began to try and explain myself, but she wasn't having it and walks away. Bam_Bam_Boone
What A...Cute? Baby?
My wife and I were having dinner with her boss (B) and B's husband and new baby. The baby had a loose pocket of skin on her head. My wife had mentioned it before, so I was aware but not really thinking about it. I couldn't see it at the angle that the baby was being held at.
[Boss] moved the baby to hold her with the other arm, and I saw it move. It was like a large, fleshy blister. It covered half of the back of her head and was partially full of fluid. As the baby was moved, it sloshed.
I quietly exclaimed, "That baby needs a hat!" [Boss] shot daggers out of her eyes at me while her husband suppressed a laugh. Nesman64
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Oohhhhhh...
I once started laughing at a sweet little girl pretending to be a horse.
She was not pretending to be a horse. She had a severe spinal deformity. FogInTheDog
Sometimes All You Can Do Is Walk Away
I was a math tutor for grade school kids at a franchise place. One day a middle school aged girl came in several hours after the time she usually does (we didn't do appointments, the kids usually followed routines though). So I asked why she was coming in later than usual just making small talk and she said she went to her grandmother's funeral that morning. So I said, "Well, at least that's better than doing math on a Saturday!" trying to joke around. She kind of sheepishly faked a smile and I immediately realized I'm a f***ing idiot and walked away instead of apologizing. I just didn't speak to her again for a while. Because I'm an idiot. IHadACatOnce
Of All The Things...
An ex was explaining she was self-conscious about something, and it was slightly odd, and I intended to say something reassuring and comforting. What I actually said was, "That's strange, of all the things you could be self conscious about." Her face dropped and I realized immediately what I said and unsuccessfully tried to backtrack. phantastic_meh
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Linda, Linda, Linda!
On the morning of my wedding, the third time I'd met my soon to be mother in law, I was understandably jittery about the day. Probably not at the top of my game.
So, I warmly greeted her by saying "Hi Linda! It's so good to see you!" She's quiet for a moment, and then says "Actually, it's Laura." I knew it was Laura. I have no clue why I called her Linda. I was mortified, and felt like I had only one way out of the situation. I replied after a pause, "No.. I'm pretty sure it's Linda.".
To her credit, and to this day, whenever she calls me she tells me it's Linda, and I've never called her anything but that since. hughnibley
They Might Have Great Sales, Though?
I once complimented a girl I know on her cute outfit and asked where she got it. She named a plus size store. For whatever stupid reason I replied, "Really? I need to gain a bunch of weight so I can shop there!" I immediately realized what I had said, and we looked at each other for a moment, looked away, and sat in uncomfortable silence for the rest of class because I'm a jerk. phinnaeusmaximus
A Yes Is A Yes
I've told this before but I'll never forget it.
I took my girlfriend to a very beautiful park and served her a gourmet picnic. After we were finished I nervously took her hand in mine and asked her to marry me. I mumbled, or her ears failed, or I don't know what but she replied with "Sure, whatever" obviously missing what I had said. In my mind I thought "Andrew, you idiot. You screwed this up." But out of my mouth came the words "No, you idiot. I'm proposing."
Yes. I called my wife an idiot as part of my marriage proposal. After that I kind of blanked out until I saw her crying and saying yes over and over again. Our 18th anniversary is coming up in the spring. andrewse
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Muy Problema
I've had so many in my life but one that sticks out ismy 7th grade teacher was telling us about her sisters wedding in Mexico it was the first day back from summer vacation.I raised my hand and waited for her to call on meI then asked if they had "Mucho Sexo"immediately kicked out of class.
Now here is the thing, on Letterman the night before a guest was telling him about his Mexican wedding and Letterman asked if they had "Mucho Sexo" and got huge laughs.
Not everyone watches Letterman, especially not my teacher. Quadrapolegic
Nothing Looks Good On You...Wait?
About seven years ago, trying to find an original way to compliment my gf, now wife, Told her You look good in nothing
Fast forward an hour later.
OH S***! No, I meant that you look good naked! DrStupid87
Um, Yeah, Got Nothing
At one point I was having lunch with my then girlfriend. I asked if she wanted to say hi to her friend. She said she didn't see her. I pointed to her and asked, "Do you not recognise her bent over?" To which she responded "Do you?" cmndrloki
A Wife's Sympathy
Not me, but my husband.
He was out drinking with his friends, a girl comes up to him asking if he wants to dance. What he means to say is "I only dance when I'm drunk, and I'm still sober", but what he actually said was "I'm not drunk enough to dance with you".
I wasn't even there and I can feel that poor girl's self esteem drop every time he tells the story. LizGlob
Um, Yeah, Got Nothing
At one point I was having lunch with my then girlfriend. I asked if she wanted to say hi to her friend. She said she didn't see her. I pointed to her and asked, "Do you not recognise her bent over?" To which she responded "Do you?" cmndrloki
A Wife's Sympathy
Not me, but my husband.
He was out drinking with his friends, a girl comes up to him asking if he wants to dance. What he means to say is "I only dance when I'm drunk, and I'm still sober", but what he actually said was "I'm not drunk enough to dance with you".
I wasn't even there and I can feel that poor girl's self esteem drop every time he tells the story. LizGlob
Do Who?
I was in spanish class (I suck at spanish). We were going around the room saying what we were going to do after school and then saying who we wanted to speak next. Im a dude and I was sitting next to my friend (f) Ill call her hanna.
My plan was to say I was going to do homework and then say hanna so shed go next, but I forgot the homework part and just said in Spanish, after school Im going to do hanna. The whole class started laughing(including the teacher). I wanted to die. mb171
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Sometimes, Honesty Works
Job interview was quasi "good cop/bad cop" I guess you could say. First interviewer came out with some pretty tough questions and I was already a nervous wreck for the interview, as I had applied for something well above what I was qualified for and got the right person's attention.
I. F***ing. Bombed. I felt like a total idiot for even thinking I had a shot.
Interviewer #2 comes out and I just blurt out "Boy, did I f*** THAT up!"
He has a good laugh about it with me, we bulls*** around for 20 or 30 minutes and I started the next week. Still not sure how or why. kylew1985
What? What??
Co-worker's 8.5 month pregnant wife was strolling into the office when my 19 year old mouth said "You're almost as big as your husband". Thought nothing of it until an hour later when my co-worker and I had a chat about hormones. ih8hdmi
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Absolutely...
My friend was talking to me about some random stuff while she was getting changed, and I wasn't really paying attention. My replies were mainly yeahs and nos. I heard her ask me something (but I had no idea what), so I just smiled at her and said 'absolutely' and hoped for the best. Turned out she asked me if she looked fat. facesosunny
Don't Ever Stop
I was just at a wake three weeks ago for my aunt. I flew across the country on the red eye to make it, and I was in understandably rough mental shape because of all of that. I was talking to some family friends, and I said "I'm so tired, I feel like I could die." Upon realizing I said that, I then said "I'm mortified." Upon realizing I said that, I just said "I can't stop why can't I stop" until the folks I was talking to took over, said some nice things, and cheered me up. Bearstronauts
Absolutely...
My friend was talking to me about some random stuff while she was getting changed, and I wasn't really paying attention. My replies were mainly yeahs and nos. I heard her ask me something (but I had no idea what), so I just smiled at her and said 'absolutely' and hoped for the best. Turned out she asked me if she looked fat. facesosunny
Don't Ever Stop
I was just at a wake three weeks ago for my aunt. I flew across the country on the red eye to make it, and I was in understandably rough mental shape because of all of that. I was talking to some family friends, and I said "I'm so tired, I feel like I could die." Upon realizing I said that, I then said "I'm mortified." Upon realizing I said that, I just said "I can't stop why can't I stop" until the folks I was talking to took over, said some nice things, and cheered me up. Bearstronauts
You Look Like A Blueberry!
Back in high school, my sorta-girlfriend (we'd been dating for maybe 2 months) invited me over to her house to hang out at their pool and with her family. I went.
The dad was very intensely Baptist (of the common sort in the South) and, on my first date with his daughter, had asked me to explain why I deserved to go to Heaven. But I sort of got along with them, because I'm generally good at getting along with most of anyone, so I was having a good time that day.
Girlfriend, her parents, and I started playing some board game together. There was some friendly banter and smack talk going on. Gf and I had watched Anchorman a few days earlier, I'm pretty sure, so I started repeating some of the quotes from what movie back at her for the banter. I knew it was a little risky since the parents didn't let anyone watch anything that wasn't A Walk to Remember or "Seventh Heaven," but whatever, there was enough background noise where I got away with it a few times.
But then came one of those moments where all background and conversation noise ceases, which coincided with my telling my girlfriend to, "Go back to your home on Whore Island."
I muttered a thing or 2 about "being from a movie we watched" which barely helped anything since they definitely saw me as corrupting their good Christian girl from there on out. sertorius42
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And, The Best Of The Worst...
Company thanksgiving dinner. Siting next to a group of women complaining about their exes. One of them said something along the lines of, "He's still got his hand and a bottle of lube so he'll be happy."
I replied with "To be honest, we don't even need lube most of the time."
Right as everyone in the whole room stopped talking for some reason... aydeos
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