People Share Their Favorite Family Friendly Insults

Alone

"I'm lonely not desperate."

SiGMono

Schooled

I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.

WatchTheBoom

I freaking wish they would. Dad just had a laundry list of crap that I needed to change to be more successful.

I got straight A's, lettered in Latin and AP Physics, and took all AP classes, dad. No crap I wasn't getting out for more exercise or doing more pleasure reading-- I had 4 hours of homework a night!

Saith_Cassus

Being Everywhere....

In 2004 I once told a girl, "You're like Visa, everywhere I want to be". She giggled and then went on with her life.

in 2013, while drunk at a wedding after party of one of my best friends, I was sharing stories of dumb things I did as a teen and young adult to a table full of people when a very pretty lady sitting on her fiancée's lap drunkenly slurred out, "Where have you been all my life?" to which I replied, "I'm not sure, but I got here as fast as I could"...

The two of them left soon after that statement was made.

masheduppotato

Stay back

I once asked a girl, "Where have you been all my life?"

Her response was, "I don't know, but I wish I was still there."

jeff_the_nurse

Oscar Says...

"You're a conversation starter. Not when you are around but once you leave."

DonaldKey

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."

- Oscar Wilde

SheriffBartholomew

Burn....

I envy the people who haven't met you.

ItsShoesHere

Take the Boot

Dad's old one is "couldn't pour pee out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel."

ruessellvt

Oh no... this one got me because at first I was picturing someone lifting the boot above their head to read the underside. Took me a few seconds to realize you would flip it over instead. 🤦🏻♂️

Turns out I couldn't pour pee out of a boot.

sylveonce

You own a Mirror?

Calling them by a characteristic or article of clothing they are wearing.

Whatever you say haircut. Or sure thing sunglasses.

It will bother them long after the comment.

Shazam1269

Dumb Luck

I find the fact that you lived this long both surprising and disappointing.

p_cashew

I see that you haven't met some of my neighbors. Here's a good example. One of them lit their yard on fire, forgot they had a garden hose, ran around with a bucket trying to put it out, and then eventually remembered there was a hose.

Did I mention that they are a firefighter so none of these things ought to have happened? I am glad I don't live immediately next to them and that incident has resulted in me having less confidence in my local fire department... for obvious reasons.

24-Hour-Hate

Bless your Heart

Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.

hnikret

Or "honey, you're not pretty enough to be this dumb."

Fyrrys