When I'm writing a new script and I come across characters who are destined to be enemies it's aways fun to concoct scorching insults to sling. And right away what you learn from your dramaturge is that less is more. You can eliminate twenty words and infuse them into a ferocious look that leaves the audience heaving. So you realize it's actually quite easy to keep it clean and classy by leaving foul words--though they often send the point home--out first. Hidden meanings in plain sight that leave people in tears are the best.
Redditor u/AvPlayz wanted everyone to share some witty repartee that doesn't require scandalous words by asking..... What is your best insult without swearing?
lonely career suicide GIF by Chris GethardSchooled
I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.
I freaking wish they would. Dad just had a laundry list of crap that I needed to change to be more successful.
I got straight A's, lettered in Latin and AP Physics, and took all AP classes, dad. No crap I wasn't getting out for more exercise or doing more pleasure reading-- I had 4 hours of homework a night!
Being Everywhere....
In 2004 I once told a girl, "You're like Visa, everywhere I want to be". She giggled and then went on with her life.
in 2013, while drunk at a wedding after party of one of my best friends, I was sharing stories of dumb things I did as a teen and young adult to a table full of people when a very pretty lady sitting on her fiancée's lap drunkenly slurred out, "Where have you been all my life?" to which I replied, "I'm not sure, but I got here as fast as I could"...
The two of them left soon after that statement was made.
Stay back
Tell The Tea GIF by DreezyGiphyI once asked a girl, "Where have you been all my life?"
Her response was, "I don't know, but I wish I was still there."
Oscar Says...
"You're a conversation starter. Not when you are around but once you leave."
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
schitts creek burn GIF by CBCTake the Boot
Dad's old one is "couldn't pour pee out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel."
Oh no... this one got me because at first I was picturing someone lifting the boot above their head to read the underside. Took me a few seconds to realize you would flip it over instead. 🤦🏻♂️
Turns out I couldn't pour pee out of a boot.
You own a Mirror?
megan mullally nbc GIF by Will & GraceGiphyCalling them by a characteristic or article of clothing they are wearing.
Whatever you say haircut. Or sure thing sunglasses.
It will bother them long after the comment.
Dumb Luck
I find the fact that you lived this long both surprising and disappointing.
I see that you haven't met some of my neighbors. Here's a good example. One of them lit their yard on fire, forgot they had a garden hose, ran around with a bucket trying to put it out, and then eventually remembered there was a hose.
Did I mention that they are a firefighter so none of these things ought to have happened? I am glad I don't live immediately next to them and that incident has resulted in me having less confidence in my local fire department... for obvious reasons.
Bless your Heart
dumb patrick star GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphyYour grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.
Or "honey, you're not pretty enough to be this dumb."
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Steve Urkel Oops GIF 
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The Office Monday GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment 