We are all not destined for the same life path. Some of us are meant to be lawyers, some doctors, others writers. We're all groomed from a young age to believe that "procreation" is the key to the meaning of life. We're all here to breed and populate the world. But that is not true. Parenting is not for everybody! It takes skills many of us are not equipped with. And thank GOD for the people who realize it sooner that later.
Redditor u/DallasAnonymity wanted the non-parents of the world to speak up asking... For those of you who *chose* to not have children: Do you regret or stand by your choice? Why?
No green thumb here!
I can't even keep house plants alive. This is best for everyone, including me.
A therapist once said to me the test of whether you are ready for a relationship is - Can you keep a plant alive? Great. Now you are ready for a pet. Can you keep a pet alive and happy? Great. Now you are ready to branch out into a relationship.
I have no idea what the test is for having children but somehow like you, I think I might not be ready yet!
NO means NO!
I'm 51, wife is 53, been married 24 years.
Knew from and early age that kids weren't for me, saw the struggles of raising one and said "Oh hell no !" to that. Had plenty of others trying to tell me different along the way.
Dogs to the rescue!
My test for deciding whether i was ready or not after getting married was to get a big dog and keep him alive. Buckwheat the german shepherd St. Bernard is still going strong. Second test was to put my wife and I in a situation where we were both exacerbated and exhausted. We went for a 5 day road trip and slept only in the car. we didn't kill each other so we feel we are ready.
No Regrets!
Mid-fifties here too, married almost 28 years - never regretted not having kids. Not even a little bit. I don't have the patience, knew I was not meant to be a parent, and yes, obviously you discuss that (and everything else) before you marry.
I'd do it all over again, exactly the same way.
You'll change your mind! :
Agreed. I have had co-workers look at me as if I grew an extra head with horns when I revealed I had no kids and was not planning on having any. They were the worst. Shaking their head in pity, whispering behind my back, patting me on the head while saying "you'll change your mind." I have had people tell me I was evil for not wanting kids, that I would burn in hell.
It got so bad, so persistent at about 30yo, I started telling people I was infertile...
BTW, for those of you in their 20s - you will be harassed until about 40.....
Yet, my family accepted it 100%.
There was one point at 35, we wishy washy tried to get pregnant. All I did was go off the pill. We also went to genetic counseling. When we found out there was a 50% chance of a babe being learning disabled like dyslexia (both of us had LD) and a 25% chance of the babe being disabled in other ways like CP or developmental disorders because of a quirky piece of my DNA, I went back on the pill.
Before you all start yelling at me, my CAREER is working with people with disabilities. In theory, I would have been an AWESOME mom of a child with a disability because I knew about IEPs, therapists, interventions, etc. But I knew in my heart, I could not get pregnant knowing I may produce a child that may suffer through what my hubby and I had gone through.
Seeing is believing!
I figured that out by 15 when my first nephew was born. I made a promise to myself that I was going to avoid that life no matter what it took.
Been there... Done that!
I was constantly taking care of my older siblings kids when I was 15-16, decided then and there that I didn't want kids. I don't regret it.
No way out!
Being the oldest girl from a family that multiplied like rabbits made me the automatic babysitter. I think that's where my resentment for kids comes from. I love my cousins and will love the siblings to come, but I don't ever want to care for another kid unless it's an absolute last resort.
Parents & Non-Parents Unite!
As a parent, I completely respect this outlook and opinion. I actually advocate this. I love when people who don't want to have kids recognize it for what it is and refuse to let other people pressure them into the "societal norm." We are at a point in the world where people are perfectly capable of having children later in life. It's completely normal for women in their 30's to get pregnant naturally and it's not unheard of for women in their 40's to do it either. And, as long as both people are healthy, it's perfectly possible to get pregnant with help if you struggle to do so naturally. That being said, there is no rush for people to decide if they want to be parents or not. If you hit 35 and still have no desire to have children, it is extremely unlikely you will ever change your mind. I'd rather have fewer children in the world than more parents who don't want and/or don't love the children they brought into the world. So I applaud your honesty with yourself and the world. Good on you!
It's just not for everybody!
This gives me hope. I've never wanted children and it seems the men that I date try and change my mind and obviously they can't. I'm coming towards the end of a relationship that will end because... you guessed it, he wants them and I don't.
I'm losing hope that I'll ever find a suitable partner that doesn't want children but I love hearing things like this because they make me feel just a little better :) Thank you.
u/Duskymoonlight/Reddit
u/Duskymoonlight/Reddit