People Break Down The Dumbest Thing Anyone Has Ever Seriously Said To Them

The Eager Patron

"Excitedly told me that a stripper he bought a lap dance from liked him so much that she asked him to come back again to see her."

– thirteenpants

Everyone's Favorite Customer

"A buddy of mine is like this with bartenders/servers we go to the same bar pretty frequently and hes convinced that the bartenders there are attracted to him. He doesnt understand that the reason that they come over and talk to him is because he always tips them a minimum of $20 each night, normally its more."

– Legion_707

Bleach Bath

"Is this all the bleach we have?" This was said by my sister who was holding a gallon of bleach in each hand. Her plan? She was going to fill the bath tub up with bleach and bathe in it because she wanted to bleach her hair blonde."

– not-a-real_username

Mummy Dearest

"While watching the Mummy 2, these mummies are chasing a bus thru London. My mom asks, 'they didn't use real mummies did they?'"

– Pickle-Wife

Her Way On The Highway

"Had a roommate in college that would drive me everywhere cause she had a car and I didn't. The first time I got on the highway with her she got on the left lane and floored it. We were going 90+ on a 60. I freaked out and asked her why the hell she was going so fast. She said, 'What's the big deal? There's no speed limit on the left lane on a highway. You can go as fast as you want!' She refused to slow down till we had to take our exit. We had a long argument on why that wasn't true that involved calling several people and googling things to prove it to her."

– sm1020

The Environmentalist

"While driving with my sister's then-boyfriend to go disc golfing, he was staring up in the sky very intensely. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, 'Just doing my part for the environment.' Confused, I inquired further. He then went on to say how chemtrails from planes are spreading chemicals, but if you stare at the chemtrails, you can use your willpower to get rid of them. He was bat-sh*t crazy. Lizardmen crazy."

– PittiePower

One Of These Are Mythical

"With my mother at an aquarium. 'Are those seahorses or unicorns? I always get them mixed up.'"

– Educational_Ad9260

Once More With Volume

"A friend of mine met and married a German man. She lived there with him. He speaks English and is very fluent. Yes, there's an accent but he's perfectly understandable."

"After they married they came back to the US to have a reception for her side of the family and friends."

"As one particular family friend was making his good byes he goes up to the husband and shouts, slowly, 'IT WAS...VERY NICE MEETING YOU! I HOPE....YOU ENJOY...YOUR...VISIT!!!"'The whole room has stopped talking at this point. The husband says 'Thank you. Maybe next time we meet you'll speak English more quietly.' (In a very joking manner)

"Man was a bit embarrassed as he hadn't realized what he was doing."

"The whole 'if you talk louder they'll understand you' situation was hilarious."

– stitcherfromnevada

Vegan Lady

"'Turkey is vegan."'

"-Random lady stating that she's vegan and then proceeding to order a club sandwich."

"I was the waiter."

– millennium-popsicle

All About The Eyes

"I was waiting at the DMV, and my baby was asleep in his carrier on the floor. Some totally normal-looking middle-aged guy in a suit leaned over and smiled at him, then said, 'How cute! Are his eyes open yet?'"

"Dude literally thought humans were like puppies or kittens."

– NoCuntryforToldMen

Two Things At Once

"You're Korean? I thought you said you were Asian."

– _WhiskeyTrance

Cautious Pet Owner

"I shouldn't be giving my dogs ice water because ice has chemicals."

– Xenocrosser

"dihydrogen monoxide is SCARY 😱"

– HEXN3T

Completely Lost

"What county is Germany in again?"

– spicybEtch212

Well quite a lot of them, there for a while.

– steelgate601

Not How That Works

"I was talking about how i was getting a birth control implant in a few weeks and someone asked if i was scared of getting stuck up my butt."

"Had to clarify with him that birth control implants dont go up the butt...."

– fang_silverwing2

Milk & Navels

"An old school friend refused to breastfeed or formula feed their baby. They gave the baby milkshakes instead. Because ya know 'milk is milk.'"

"Also my mother told me, (in all seriousness) that we have belly buttons because that's where our tails used to be."

– OnemoreSavBlanc