Dating is kind of like continuous job interviews for a partner.
As such, certain questions and assertions become important right away. You need to know if this person is going to be a good match, and there are layers you can begin addressing right away.
u/berrybrain43 asked:
What is the most important question to ask on a first date?
Here were some of the answers.
Mulan Called
Firstly, if you are dating a guy, you need to ask him these questions and get an honest answer:
Are you as fast as a coursing river? Are you as forceful as a great typoon? Are you as strong as a raging fire? Are you as mysterious as the dark side of the moon?
Because if not, he's not worth dating according to Chinese standards.
Healthful Methods
How well are you dealing with your past traumas from bad relationships and how much do you plan to project that on to me?
Opposing Ideology
Accidentally got into politics on the first date (framed around our core beliefs) and relieved we did. Really nice girl but we would almost certainly wouldn't have been compatible and didn't have to waste time figuring it out later.
Someone Else's Story
Try to vibe with them. Play the story game. If you're at a restaurant, pick one random person in the restaurant and try to guess their story/who they are. It's fun, and you'll get to know a lot about the person you're with.
Getting To Knooooow Youuuuu
How are you?
You doing good?
Otherwise, icebreaker questions. Hobbies, food, cultural stuff, fun facts, share stories.
Just don't worry too much about it. It's all about conversation. Just as questions if you feel like you're talking about yourself too much.
Boundaries Early On
Sure, I'll nth the 'do you want kids' question... and I should note I actually asked this on a third date to the woman who is now my wife.
Knowing you agree on something that's otherwise a deal-breaker early on — when everything else is going well — means it's smoother sailing.
If your goal of dating is to have fun, hook up, awesome - this is probably best saved for later. If you're dating to find a life partner, it's a big one.
Down The Road
"What are you looking for right now?"
You don't want to get several dates in and find out that your goals are wildly different in terms of dating, life, career, relationships, marriage, etc. You don't need to get their life plan, but even finding out if they are looking for a relationship vs a free lunch, etc etc.
Still Hung Up
I've heard somewhere that you should ask what their ex is doing. The reason behind that is that if they know they probably haven't left their feelings and aren't ready for a new relationship.
But then I've never really dated but I've heard that one and it sounded good.
We Are Family
Its not so much a question but when i meet a guy i always make sure it leads to talking about family (mom, dad, siblings and upbringing).
I might be wrong here but how a person was raised and their relationship with their family will give you a lot of Intel on their character or the type or person they are. This works like a charm in my own dating life (when i have one)
Cynicism
What are your exes like?
If they answer, "oh they were the absolute worst, despicable person ever..." and so on, run. Three reasons why:
- They attract or at least date douchey people (bad news for you I'm afraid).
- They bad talk people they were in relationships with (could be you in a few months).
- They are usually more cynical/negative people. You dont want that kind of person as the most important person in your life.
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