Romance isn't dead, but it has evolved.
Some of the courting practices of the past ignored consent and any respect for the other person's boundaries.
Others were manipulative.
Reddit user sabletoothtiger_ asked:
"What was considered romantic in the past that would absolutely not land today?"
Stalking
"When my dad started pursuing my mom at the college that they met at, he went to the records office and got her schedule—apparently anyone could do that at the time—and waited outside of each of her classrooms to walk her to her next class."
"He did this for like a week."
"She thought it was both slightly annoying and romantic."
~ inflammable
Violence
"A duel to the death to 'win' a woman."
~ SocksOnHands
"Armed combat with lethal weapons has definitely gone out of fashion as a romantic gesture."
~ Look-Its-a-Name
Come To Your (broken) Window
"Throwing rocks at someone's window to sing to them in the middle of the night."
~ Appropriate_Ask_462
"I'd be so pissed if anyone started throwing rocks at my window."
~ UrFriend_isEconomics
"No kidding. Have you SEEN the prices for windows lately‽"
~ UsedToHaveThisName
Harassment
"Courtship that relies on being overly persistent."
"It used to be cute to hear stories of 'When I first met her she wanted nothing to do with me. I showed up to her job with flowers every day until she said yes and we eventually fell in love!'."
"Nowadays, that's just straight up harassment."
~ _forum_mod
Arson
"Like Endless Love with Brooke Shields."
"Dude causes a fire in her house to try and be a hero, later gets chased by the dad and dad gets hit by a car and dies."
"Brooke says that no one will ever love her the way he does."
~ Nuicakes
"I just read the summary of this movie and holy hell, how anyone could even consider this a 'romantic drama' is beyond me."
"This easily sounds like some PG Fatal Attraction type thriller."
~ mrsprinkles3
Force
"Forcing a kiss because you just can't resist him/her."
~ SweetPsycho2024
"Watching old James Bond films is …problematic."
~ DigNitty
"Mum and I were watching a 60's movie where the man grabs this woman’s wrist, aggressively drags her out of the room, then picks her up by the waist and plonks her onto a bar top to tell her off like she’s a naughty child."
"And then two minutes later she’s romantically kissing him‽ It’s so bizarre and creepy to watch."
~ fooddependent
No Means Try Harder
"Pestering a woman 20 times to go on a date until she finally relents just so you’ll shut the hell up."
~ hasta_la_pasta
Fighting
"A fistfight over a woman. Like, no matter who 'wins', you know she’s just gonna pick the guy she likes better regardless, right?"
"At the very basics of it, we live in a society where being a better/stronger fighter has nothing to do with a person’s success or reliability."
"In fact, being too eager to fight is really only more likely to get you arrested than get the girl."
~ Square_Director4717~
Puddle Jumping
"Putting a jacket—or cape—down over a puddle."
~ Moondoobious
"I think this trend must have been started by old-timey laundry services."
~ LightningShark
Threats
"The Notebook is a horror movie if you think about it."
"Especially when he threatens to kill himself if the girl doesn't go out with him."
~ Fiddlesticklin
Breaking And Entering
"Watch a romcom, any romcom."
"Even most modern ones show 'romantic' actions that would get you arrested in real life."
~ eldred2
"We call Hallmark Channel movies 'Predator films' for this very reason."
"Half the sh*t would get them arrested, the other half would see their a** being handed a restraining order. There's also a small chance of getting killed if the woman in question is armed because what they’re doing is absolutely grounds for her to feel her life is in danger."
"One movie we watched when I was little involved a dude essentially breaking into this woman's home to plan a nice dinner date. It was seen as romantic, but looking back now 911 would've been called in a nanosecond."
~ mjohnsimon
Intruding
"Sending unsolicited love letters or showing up unannounced at someone's home."
"However, in today's society, these actions would be perceived as intrusive or even creepy."
~ legend0920
"I read a book as a kid where the main character's parents met because he was a postman and would substitute her boyfriend's letters with his own."
~ tururut_tururut
"That's literally a federal crime in the United States."
~ Navi1101
Feigned Clumsiness
"Intentionally dropping a handkerchief and then someone running up to pick it up and return it to the owner."
"That was still a thing when I was a child."
~ Plain_Chacalaca
Buy A Bride
"Giving her father 4 horses and a mule for her."
~ Chance_Cheetah_7678
And More Stalking
"My dad followed my mom across the country."
"She was doing an internship where he worked and when it was over she had to go back home to Texas."
"They weren’t dating or anything, she had a boyfriend at the time."
"But my dad said he couldn’t let her get away so he jumped in his sh*tty car and drove to Texas."
"He told her he was in love with her. I don’t wanna try to figure out what happened next."
"I just assume it was a montage."
~ masegesege
What other formerly romantic gestures are now seen as unacceptable?
@kileywrestling/Bluesky
