For some reason, people can be weird about being best friends with people that do not share the same gender as them.
What is so different about you? Just because you're different genders does not mean there are lots of differences. You could both be attracted to men, or women, you could both have the same job---you can still have a lot in common with people.
But apparently, there can be downsides.
u/_pleasewait_ asked:
What are the worst things about having a best friend of the opposite gender?
Here were those answers.
Jealousy, Turning Saints Into The Sea
GiphyThat his girlfriend started being so jealous that he had to stop talking to me. And I'm not even mad, I don't want him to be alone but I'm so worried because he has been through a lot and his girlfriend is not very supportive in my opinion. I don't want him to be hurt.
We Not Dating Homes
Im very close with this girl i work with. Literally every other week someone comes up to me, convinced that we are dating. It's honestly pretty funny to me, although she gets a bit annoyed of it. Despite me constantly telling people that we aren't, everyone is still completely convinced. Im leaving in about 2 months, and every so often someone will ask me, "so on your last day, are you gonna tell us the truth about you and her?" I always respond with, "yes, i will finally tell you all the real truth, but please be aware you're going to be supremely disappointed"
People Just Suck
Back in 5th grade, I had a guy friend. He got bullied for hanging out with chicks. We were both in tears when we reported it to the teachers.
You aren't gay for hanging out with girls.
Society, Ya Gotta Go
In short: other people's opinions.
Longer version: If both are heterosexual (and sometime if it's not true, it's still weirdly being overlooked), you MUST have some sexual relationship going on. If not, well, one of you MUST be in love with the other and is just waiting for the 'right time' (even after years of happy relationships on both sides)
Then When It DOES Work Out
Everyone thinks you're secretly dating or in love with each other. My best friend would hook up with girls I knew and they would almost always ask him not to tell me and one of them would ask me repeatedly if we had anything going on in secret.
The second worst thing about having a best friend of the opposite gender is we actually did end up falling in love so we had to listen to a few months of "I told you so" before the novelty wore off. Still a great decision though, two years down the line :)
And Then The Inverse Of That
My best friend in college was female. Professional photographer, did "bread and butter" work to pay the bills ie: weddings, babies, birthdays etc etc etc. We'd always go out and do the fun stuff together though. Wander the vast wilderness of Upstate New York, finding centuries lost buildings and natural beauty to capture. Great friendship, truly effortless, things just clicked.
Then she developed feelings for me which were entirely unreciprocated and it drove a wedge between us. Sad really but we drifted so far apart that we haven't spoken in years. I don't use social media of any sort so staying in contact is impossible. I've had the same mobile number for 20 years, she knows this number, and has never reached out. So I suppose the most difficult part of that friendship was that, her inability to move on from her unrequited romantic feelings. I think this happens to a lot more people than they're willing to admit.
Different Biologies
Lesbian with a gay male best friend here.
Despite our sexualities, we also used to get a lot of people assuming we were together, back in college. Not so much now. My grandmother actually asked me if he was trans (nope), trying to explain to herself why I spend so much time with a man.
Mostly the downside is just not being able to relate on some of the things you like to rant to your girl friends about, and since college I don't really have girl friends. Periods and cramps and weight loss are all things I can talk to my friend about, but he doesn't relate to it in the same way a woman would.
Example, he wasn't NEARLY as excited as me about finding leggings with pockets.
This Ain't A Romcom
If your best friend is single and searching, it can suck to hold high standards of what the new girlfriend should be like. I want him to find the champagne of girlfriends for himself.
I use our friendship as a standard - she should be able to give the same level of care, listening and attention as we give each other.
One of my good friends is male. I'm female, married, not attracted to men.
He's on the hunt for a girlfriend, and whenever he meets a new woman, I find myself thinking the way a concerned father might protect his 16-year-old daughter - wanting "only the best" for his little girl.
I love him as a person. Wanting the very best for someone is love, but it doesn't indicate a missed opportunity or that I wanna bang him. He's just a great dude who deserves the best.
Too many movies ruin mixed gender friendships.
Gender Separation
Going to events/activities and being separated because of gender. One of my best female friends works at the same Scout camp as I do. We of course have separate bunks and shower, but not being able to just casually hike or kayak together sucks. Even if we do, we lose the personal experience because other people have to be there for "our protection". I understand that certain regulations have to exist, they just seem unnecessary sometimes.
Yeah, It's Definitely Biology
GiphyI feel like every answer is saying people think you're dating or something relating to romance.
But I would just like to say it sucked not being able to have sleepovers and or talk about some things. With my female friends I can talk about how much cramps hurt or how annoying it can be when guys XYZ and relate to them through that. But my best guy friend can't relate and fully understand cramps or experiences like that. He doesn't really want to talk about how much it hurt and sucked that the guy I had just met ghosted on me.
Not that he won't talk about it or doesn't care or understand that periods suck, but my dude-bro-man-friends can't relate to that stuff. I can't go to them when I'm hormonal and crying like I can with female friends.
