Let's be honest: Some of us are pretty clueless when it comes to flirting.
Whether it's knowing how to flirt or suspecting when someone is flirting with us and acting on it, we fumble our way through the experience and might only occasionally find our way to a date or relationship.
But those who are more comfortable with flirting and dating in general argue that there are obvious signs that someone is interested or finds another person attractive, and knowing these classic signs can help us crack the code on dating.
Ready to take notes, Redditor wallopbug asked:
"What is a dead giveaway that someone finds you attractive?"
Hyper-Focusing
"When they ‘randomly’ show up where you are, laugh a little too hard at your bad jokes, or suddenly become very interested in your extremely niche hobby."
"Like, 'Oh, you collect vintage staplers? Wow, what a coincidence, me too!'"
- NaturalOk3225
"There’s a girl I like who laughs at all my jokes. So now I’m in a weird position where I hope I’m not actually very funny so that means she likes me, lol."
- Green_Abrocoma_7682
Unexpected Physical Touch
"Physical touch they don't normally give others."
- EmperorKyra
"This one. If someone is physically touching you when they generally wouldn't, even if it's perfectly benign, like a back pat? Huge sign."
- Whole_Anxiety4231
More Closed Off Than Before
"It depends on the person. I'm quite bad at this."
"I think my crushes think I don't like them anymore, because I will stop making eye contact, say very little, and be more forced, because I no longer know how to act like a human being."
"I think strangely that I have more charisma and flirt better when I am just friends with someone."
- dreamerinthesky
"There’s a guy that comes into my work that would look at me longingly, watch me work, and get flustered when he would talk to me. Lately, he’s been coming in quickly and not making a lot of eye contact. He seems like he’s in a hurry."
"I can’t tell if he’s moved on or if he’s just nervous around me. Your comment has me wondering if that’s the cause."
- RavenNymph90
Looking At Them Like...
"I love all potato dishes, so apparently I get a very elated and longing look when there’s potato dishes at a meal."
"My significant other and I met through mutual friends and shared many, many group meals together."
"He realised I liked him when I started looking at him the same way I looked at the potato dishes on the table."
- Responsible_Cloud_92
"'I just want her to look at me the way she looks at scalloped potatoes...'"
- iWannaSeeYoKitties
Seeing The Little Things
"Noticing and remembering details about you, what you did or said."
"I should probably correct the previous statement with the clarification that I was referring to noticing and remembering details much more about you than anyone else. Of course, there are a lot of people who just pay attention and remember things about everybody."
- vsnst
There For The Stand-Up Comedian
"Here's my point of view. I heard somewhere that if a girl likes you, she'll laugh at your jokes even if they aren't funny, so I just make sure to tell bad jokes all the time and focus on whoever seems to think I'm hilarious."
"I know this works because years later, when they're my girlfriend, I'll tell the same joke, and they won't laugh and tell me I'm not funny."
- JunkDrawerVideos
The Way The Story Is Told
"The best way to know is when they tell a joke or a story: they’re gonna look to the person they’re trying to impress or get a laugh from after."
"Besides that, they’ll literally compliment you about anything. Especially if it’s a reason they can make physical contact. If physical contact is unprompted more than once, they’re definitely hitting on you."
- BathToastKween
Masking The Weird
"On a separate note, shout out to the Neurodivergent women who often suck men in because our masking skills make us seem like we're flirting all the time."
"We're not flirting. We're trying to be normal. That intense eye contact and smiling is because we're trying our hardest for you to not sense our weird."
"On the flip side, as a neurodivergent woman, you'll probably know very soon if I am into you because I'll just ask you out..."
- Foxglovenectar
Sweet Messages
"Well, when I went on my first date with my partner, I could already tell he was completely smitten by planning our second date during the first date, and him asking for a third hug on our way out."
"He said he desperately wanted to kiss me, but he was afraid of scaring me off (I was very reserved), so he could only ask for an extra third hug. It was not hard to see how enamored he was."
- springaerium
Open To Listening
"When you’re talking/rambling and they just sit there and listen to you. When my boyfriend and I met and went on our first date, I kept catching myself rambling about things I liked, and he just sat there with a smile and listened to me."
"We now live together, and I’ve never loved someone as much as I love him."
- hotzombiegirl
Wordless Communication
"Maybe not always attractive, but important, if there is a joke said that gets a laugh from the group, look at them and see who they are looking at. If it's you, they care most about your opinion of those in the group, which probably means there is something there."
"It's a subconscious thing, so it basically is you, or in this case them, checking in to make sure it's okay to laugh. Since it's subconscious, it can be overridden, like if you are trying to figure out if the person in the group likes you or not."
"There are a few other signs psychology talks about as indicators, I things like are their feet pointing at you, are they mirroring your actions, etc."
"But this one seems to be pretty much dead on every time, if you monitor in yourself it might adjust your perception because you end up looking at the person you think you 'should' be looking at, but it can even be revealing about yourself if you realize it as it's happening."
- Kouzelnik
Mirrored Behavior
"This sounds so stupid, but when I’m talking to a girl, if I scratch my nose or something and she automatically subconsciously does the same thing, I figure I have her under my spell."
- No-Buddy-3141
"I totally get this as a neurodivergent lady, it's like you're tuning in with that person in a way, so when they experience something like an itchy nose or soft cough, you can't help but feel the same way."
- TheBookishAndTheBard
"Womannerisms"
"I find this harder to understand being lesbian because girls are touchy anyway and I just can't tell the difference between them being nice and them flirting."
- 8caughtinthemiddle
"I'm a straight dude, but I have noticed my lesbian friends all have a similar mannerism (womannerism) when they're flirting."
"They all move their head like they're about to step out of a car, like they kinda duck and crane their neck to the side like they don't want to bonk their heads. It could also be described as the first element of the body-wave dance move, just the head and neck part. It's a little less obvious-looking than that, but only kinda. Once you notice it, you can't un-notice it."
"But yeah, if a woman they like approaches, or tells a joke or anything, or if my friend is going up to someone new... they do the little head bob. It's adorable, and I don't know if y'all know about it."
- Burt_Rhinestone
"All I'm picturing is a goose wiggling its head around. I don't understand your description at all, lol."
- Legal_Broccoli_3761
Let's Just Say, "Weird Eye Contact In Group Settings"
"They focus more on you in a group of people."
- ApprehensiveMilk8697
"Or they focus away from the person they find attractive and give them the least attention if they don’t want it to be known…"
- umlok
"Many people, for different reasons, including introverts like myself, do the opposite. They give way less attention to someone they find attractive, but it ends up making it obvious anyway if you’re paying attention."
"If someone seems to avoid you or is a lot shorter with you than other people for no obvious reason, it’s probably because they find you attractive, and either don’t know how to approach it, don’t want to deal with it, or don’t want anyone to know."
- ECircus
Or... Maybe Not?
"I just want to add in here that I’m a therapist, and many of these behaviors are good listening skills that some of us can’t turn off. So it isn’t necessarily a sign that I find you attractive if I’m making good eye contact, laughing, remembering what you said, even playing with my hair or touching your arm."
"The only surefire way to know if someone finds you attractive is to ask them if they’d like to do something one-on-one soon. If they have reasons they can’t or reasons it can’t be for a while, or their face falls, or they want to include other people, they do not want you the way you want them to."
- targaryenmegan
"I’m telling my therapist that you destroyed my dream of everyone being attracted to me."
- givemebiscuits
Some of these signs feel like they should be obvious, but they're so easy to miss in the minute when you're already possibly feeling nervous or excited. Other signs were more surprising, and if they hadn't been shared here, we may have never known!
Dating is meant to be fun, but part of the fun is the mystery. If we learn how to decode the clues we're given, we'll be able to play the game and have a whole lot more fun while doing it.
