Almost every movie that shows a person in labor also shows at least one other person there with them offering the helpful and unique guidance for them to "push!" I didn't think much of it until I had children of my own - but I can now assure you that it's the most needles, useless, and likely rage-inducing advice you can give in that moment.
See, pushing is pretty involuntary. Your uterus is going to hit the eject button whether you want it to or not. Women who are unconscious or even brain dead have given birth before. Yelling at someone who is in active labor to push is completely and totally 100% useless advice.
Reddit user Wolf_Godd asked:
What's the most useless advice you've ever received?
As it turns out, there is plenty of useless advice to go around. Buckle up, dear readers. Things are about to get big-time frustrating.
Choices
Giphy"If you just let go of all the things affecting you then you won't be depressed anymore! You're just choosing to be sad."
Gee thanks mum, I appreciate the advice
"Just think happier things. You're in control of your own happiness."
Eff you, grandma. I needed therapy and you shrugged it off and told me this. Even after what I did, when I needed help, you said 'tell no one. It makes me feel like a bad parent.'
You are.
In Person
"Just go and apply for jobs in person."
I live in a city where no one is hiring or taking resumes in person.
This was the conversation I had with my in-laws. That's not how it works now.
Also, had grandma's neighbor tell me to use her method to get a good job - just put the skills they are looking for on your resume and figure it out as you go 👌
To clarify - she was suggesting pretty extreme lying that would get you fired real fast. Like "apply to be an accountant and figure it out as you go!" Clearly, that will come crashing down when your prospective employer asks for your credentials/education. She wasn't suggesting that fibbing about MS Excel proficiency would work.
Acne Cures
GiphyAcne? Just drink more water and wash your face!
This advice gives me more acne than a whole week without washing.
I was always a well hydrated, healthy kid. I had cystic acne. For like four years I tried everything, it didn't go away until I was 18/19. I think some people just get stuck with acne as a part of puberty.
- Mahicheh
Marry For Love ... Kinda
From my mother: "Marry someone who loves you more than you love him. I was more in love with your father than he was with me, and I was miserable. I married [stepdad] who loves me more than I love him, and I'm happy now."
She cheated on dad with the guy who would become my stepdad, which was why her and dad's marriage ended.
Thanks, Karen
"Have you tried eating healthy and exercising?"
Wow, Karen, I'm at a loss for words. I never even thought to try eating healthy and exercising. You've singlehandedly cured my debilitating mental illness!
My husbands mom is actually named Karen and tried to give me this advice when I was going through a depressive episode. I had suffered chronically for many many years, diet and exercise were not my cure.
Forgiveness
Giphy"You should forgive your mother! She has your best interests at heart!"
My mom nearly killed me through abusing me for the first six years of my life, but thanks.
The Obvious
me having an asthma attack
Them: "Just breathe"
Me: what the hell do you think I'm tryna do?
Also, during a panic attack, "don't panic"
Bullying
Just avoid him (the bully). You can't. You don't have the freedom in school to avoid anyone and They seek you out anyways.
I made sure to never say this to my kids.
- pamacdon
I hate to say it but if my son ever asks I have to tell him the truth -- it didn't stop till I got violent in response.
I am grateful my son is 99th percentile and that he is probably going to be the biggest in the room everywhere he goes in life, though -- with a little luck it will be something he never has to deal with.
The Real World
Giphy"Have fun in college. After you graduate, you'll be in the 'real world'." I've been married for almost two years, and work part-time in addition to attending college. I'm sure the real world isn't too different.
- _austinm
People who give this advice seriously must not have had to work through college.
Unsurprisingly, just working is easier than working AND going to school. It was a huge relief to finally be done with school and actually get paid for what you put work into.
College used to be a fairly inexpensive romp for previous generations..they don't get that nowadays it is essentially a desperate gamut that you must succeed at due to the fact it will cripple your finances for life.
Cancer
As a cancer survivor, if i had a dollar for every time someone told me i should have done "X" and i never would have gotten cancer. A few examples include:
Eating more lemons and rubbing coconut oil all over my body
Drinking caster oil in the morning after you wake up
Avoiding acidic foods
Eating acidic foods ("cancer cells hate acid")
Stop eating sugar ("cancer cells love sugar")
There are countless more.
@hebagowayed/Bluesky
@waitmanwbeorn/X
@eighthoften/Bluesky 
@antigonesdream/Bluesky 