People Share The Most Hilarious Pick-Up Lines They've Ever Heard

I always just said... "Hey you. Wanna do it?" It worked... a lot. I don't like to waste time. I get paid to be funny, so when it's free I cut to the chase.

***THE FOLLOWING IS A LITTLE SCANDALOUS!***

Low Interest

"Are you a 0% APR car loan? Because you seem to have no interest and I don't understand how." ~ Ok_Coconut_1773

F5

"'Are you sitting on the F5 key cause that butt is refreshing.' I used it once and it caused a lot of confusion until I explained it and then he laughed a lot." ~ I-like-bagels15

"You just stole that from that Side-men tinder pick up lines video." ~ Witrom

"I’ve never seen that video actually lol. I googled “pick up lines” when I was 14 and that was the one that stuck. But I’m sure others have used it." ~ I-like-bagels15

Organs

"You remind me of my appendix. You give me this weird feeling inside and I want to take you out." ~ kingJoffi

"I had a woman I matched on tinder use the appendix line on me. I followed up with 'I'm pretty sure I am your appendix, I don't want to do anything useful, then burst inside you.'" ~ midget_rancher79

Hands Off

"Hey gorgeous, wanna go antiquing? Cause I’ve got some junk that hasn’t been touched in years." ~ LexSenthur

"I want to point out the cleverness of this comment and the post in general - probably won’t help you if you’re single, but if you’re married it might make your wife laugh enough to get you sex" ~ TheTinRam

US

"I put the 'STD' in "stud" and now all I need is 'U.'" ~ ntruncata

Ok, that last one shouldn't be funny. But it really is. I snorted a bit. The others aren't bad either.

Ideal

"My ideal body weight is yours on mine." ~ starsinmysoup

You get an "A"

"Are you my homework? Cause I’m not doing you but I definitely should be." ~ LKAM22

"Related, I always liked to ask a dude if he'd help me with a math problem. If he says yes, I follow up with 'If a train leaves Portland going south at 80 mph & another leaves San Francisco going north at 90 mph, how long will it be before you take me to bed with you?' Usually gets a laugh." ~ OpossumJesusHasRisen

The Strangest 'Wrong Number' Stories | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Bear Talk

"Back in the day I gave a buddy a pick up line to use. 'How much does a polar bear weigh?' He said it to a girl nearby and she’s like 'Idk like 800 lbs?' And he responded, 'yeah that’s what I was thinking, around 1,000 lbs…' and proceeded to chat her up! smh." ~ AskmeaboutUpDoc

Lip Action

“'You have great hair can I touch it,' then touch her moustache.' ~ Unusual_Researcher_7

Mike?

"Cute thing looked at me and said 'Mike?' (which is not my name). My response was, 'No, but I'll change my name if you want.' She gave out a gut laugh and walked off. Months later she saw me again and started laughing the instant she saw me. I made an impression, just not the one I wanted I guess." ~ glm409

So Mitch...

"Hey girl, are you an obelisk? Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through the process of elimination." ~ ImpracticallySharp

"Why did I just read this as if it were a Mitch Hedberg line?" ~ PigeonToesMcGee

"Obviously the basic structure of it is very Mitch, but it also has the quality of simultaneously sounding like both something a smart person would say and something a dumb person would say which is also somehow very Mitch." ~ Borkz

Bob

"My college room mate: Hi... you're cute! My name's Bob. How do you like me so far? Sadly he was serious." ~ anon04

"Interesting interesting. Which part would you say specifically, caused that?"

"Ahhhh I see. On a scale of 1-10 how enthused would you say you'd be to continue this conversation with 10 being very enthused, and 1 being not at all enthused?" ~ IHazMagics

Look it Up

"'Hey I think we've met before. I've seen you in the dictionary next to the word wow!' This was one of my High School freshmen. He did not get her number." ~ Frankfusion

DAM!!

"Hey girl, are you a concrete arch-gravity embankment in the Black Canyon on the Colorado River, on the border of Nevada and Arizona, constructed between 1931 and 1936 during the Great Depression and dedicated on September 30, 1935 by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt? Because DAM!!" ~ walterpsherman

Perfect Timing

"I overheard a girl in a bar telling her friends goodbye. I simply leaned in and said, 'Don’t go.' It worked. It worked so well!" ~ PalmettoShark

"Timing and spontaneity is everything here. A few beats too late and you’ll seem creepy as f**k listening in on their conversation." ~ kyoorius

And tootpaste?

"This one technically did get me sex. I met a girl at a dance at 15 years old. I asked her to dance during a slow song, and during our small talk, I asked, 'so… what color is your toothbrush?' Just the dumbest most ridiculous question I could think of. Fast forward 8 years at our wedding, and my new wife asks during our first dance, 'so what color is your toothbrush?' I’ve never been so in love." ~ mitch3758

Electric Shock

"Hey babe are u a toaster, cuz a bath with u would send straight to heaven." ~ hobbsy187

"My Tinder used to read: 'I like my men like I like my toasters: turned on and in the tub with me.' It either worked or it made them very uncomfortable (aka it worked)." ~ inSkrekption

Oh Gramps

"My husband recently bought a few pairs of overalls for working on the house/yard/car. I told him it reminds me of my grandpa, who wore only overalls unless he was going to church on Sundays. Now, when my husband puts his overalls on, I whisper seductively into his ear, 'Hey, Grandaddy. You got some hard candy in those pockets for me?' He does not find it sexy." ~ EngineeringQueen

The Climb

"Not mine, but witnessed a man sub 5 ft tall walk up to a 6ft plus tall woman, look her up and down and say 'I'm gonna climb you like a redwood tree.' Not that I had ever seen from him. The guy wasn't exactly smooth though, so I think it was more his delivery than the line itself. I feel like it could be solid line with better delivery." ~ Wallypog

Foolproof...

"Hey, if I asked you out on a date, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question? If they say yes, then that means they'd say yes if you asked them out. If they say no, that means they'd say yes if you asked them out. It's foolproof!" ~ TheFiredrake42

Y'all are scandalous and I'm living for it. I may try some of these.

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