Romantic relationships are hard, especially if the person you loved tragically dies.
But what are you supposed to do next?
And if you do find yourself loving someone new, should you find a way to honor that previous person or continue moving on?
One woman clearly thought she had it all figured out, after the man she loved for five years tragically died in a car accident.
When she met someone new and knew she loved him, they began building a life together and attempted to have a baby together.
But when she announced she would be naming their baby after her deceased boyfriend, she wound up sparking a hefty debate not only with her boyfriend but with Reddit, too.
The Reddit user, "babytroubles778," shared her story on the "Am I the A$$hole?" sub-Reddit, hoping for advice when their baby was born.
She shared first some details about her two relationships.
"I am F25 and my boyfriend is M33. We have been together for 3 years, previously i had an ex, ill call him Sean, now sean and i dated for 5 years. He is my family, we were best friends, i thought i was going to marry him. We started dating when i was 17 and he suddenly died when i was 22, it was a car accident. My current boyfriend and i got pregnant with our first child(we were trying) i love my boyfriend a lot and after sean died i never thought i could love someone as much as i loved him, but when i met my boyfriend, i felt safe and loved."
But then she shared her decision that made her relationship complicated.
"From day one i have made it super clear i will be naming my son after sean. My boyfriend always brushed it off because i guess he didn't think i was serious. When we found out it was a boy, i told him again i am still naming him sean, my boyfriend ignored my comment."
Every time he asked, her response remained the same.
"For MONTHS any time he's asked about deciding a name i tell him, i have my name. And every time he rolls his eyes and walks away."
This on-and-off conversation continued, all the way to delivery day.
"Cut to two days ago, i go in for my c section, after my little man came out, we spent time together and then came us filling out paperwork for his name. And like i said i would, i put sean, and since my boyfriend had already signed the paperwork/birth certificate, i signed it and i said 'i put his name down'"
But her boyfriend didn't have the reaction she was expecting.
"to my surprise my boyfriend looked at the paper and flipped his s**t. He was yelling about how disrespectful i was for naming my son after my ex. I tell him, 'i've told you even before we got pregnant i'm naming him sean.' he's mad and i told him i could care less that he's mad when i specified for MONTHS what his name would be."
In fact, he was so upset, he had to step away.
"My boyfriend left and i turned in his birth certificate to the nurse. I am home with baby (i had my mom drive) and he hasn't been here. His whole family has been blowing me up about how rude i am for doing that. So, AITA?"
Her story immediately sparked a hefty debate on Reddit.
Some sided with her, agreeing she had been clear about her plans from the beginning, and the eye-rolling, lack of conversation, and now departure were petty on her boyfriend's part.
Others saw her boyfriend's reactions as valid and claimed they were proof enough that he wasn't comfortable with her baby name decision, wanted to have a conversation and wasn't being supported as an equal partner in their new journey into parenthood.
"[You're The A$$hole] (YTA) I get why you want to name your baby after someone you loved, but your husband didn't know your ex, he didn't have the relationship you had with him so he'll never understand the sentimental meaning between BOTH of your sons name. It's not fair to name your son a name that only means something to you. Also, naming your son after somebody who you had this amazing romantic relationship before him with may be a huge slap in the face. There are other ways to honor your ex, but this isn't it. Maybe you can compromise on it being a middle name or something? Focus on your future not your past." - PrincessJasminexo
"This is, without doubt, an [Everyone Sucks Here] (ESH)."
"[Original Poster] (OP) obviously gives zero s**ts about what her husband thinks."
"But this man rolled his eyes, ignored what his wife was saying, and offered absolutely no input for 9 months. And then he stormed off and abandoned his newborn baby. This potentially could've been avoided if he would've decided to communicate even just a little bit." - ThrowItTheF**kAway17
"He rolled his eyes and walked away because the only thing OP said to him was 'I have MY name.' (emphasis mine). She obviously is convinced that her life experiences are far more important than her SOs. I personally think that what she did was incredibly selfish and hurtful, and if I were her SO I'd be calling everyone and telling them the new baby will be known by his middle name, and make sure to use it when speaking to your son. (Yes, I know that isn't a practical idea, but even talking about it might let SO know how it feels to have something important to you decided without any input from you)." - Glencora42
"No. A reasonable person doesn't further disengage when someone's trying to phase them out of making such an important decision for their child. A reasonable person engages further and tries to get a hold of the situation. He's had an entire pregnancy to think of even one baby name and he failed to do even that."
"And then as a s**t cherry on top, he completely ran off and is ignoring the person who is now solely responsible for his child."
"OP may be trying to turn him into a second-class parent, but he's definitely helping her do that." - ThrowItTheF**kAway17
"OP said that every time he asked her to talk about baby names, she said she had hers. You can't have a discussion with some one who refuses to discuss. It's not on him to tie her to a chair and make her talk; he tried to have a conversation, she shut him down every. single. time."
"'AITA For Naming My Baby After My EX?' 'From day one i have made it super clear i will be naming my son after sean' 'for MONTHS any time he's asked about deciding a name i tell him, i have my name' 'Cut to two days ago, i go in for my c section, after my little man came out' 'i told him i could care less that he's mad when i specified for MONTHS what his name would be'"
"Yeah, OP sounds really open to discussing this."
"At no point does she say that her boyfriend had any part in the whole process. She continually says I, never we. She made decisions without even letting him talk to her about it. It's HER son, and HERS alone. I really hope the boyfriend wakes up to the fact that he's been used as a sperm donor, and his services are no longer required." - Glencora42
"By op's own telling, dude didn't ignore s**t. He brought up naming multiple times for months (she even emphasized that in her post!) and was met with 'I have my name'. Him constantly bringing it up is clearly him saying 'I am not okay with the name you've chosen, we need to pick something else'. What else was he supposed to do but bring up a subject for months?"noface1289
"Press her to continue the conversation?"
"Per OP's own telling, whenever she put up the slightest bit of resistance, he bailed. The correct response to 'I have my name' is saying 'No. You do not' and forcing her to engage. If she refuses to do so, you make clear what the repercussions will be (the most severe being leaving) and follow through. You don't simply roll your eyes and walk away."
"And you definently don't bottle up all your anger until you explode and then abandon your newborn baby."
"Do you people just have absolutely no experience with conflict whatsoever? Do you not know how to assert yourselves?" - ThrowItTheF**kAway17
"I can just see the AITA that would result from that."
"'AITA for making my pregnant girlfriend cry? She had a boyfriend before me who died 3 years ago. She told me she wanted to name her child after him and since we got together shortly after he died I didn't say anything about it. Then she got pregnant recently and I tried bringing up baby names. Every time I do, she snaps at me 'I have my name.' I've been walking away since i didn't want to start a fight. Thing is, her due date is coming up and I'm not okay with this. So this time I didn't walk away. I told her 'no, you don't' and tried to talk to her. She said I'm disrespecting her and her ex and that this name means a lot to her, and she started crying. AITA?'"
"Knowing this sub, the poor guy would be flooded with YTA's." - InterminableSnowman
This clearly is a debate that will keep on going and has no clear "winner." But one thing is for certain, this new mom should definitely have a conversation with her boyfriend about their son's name, so they can come to an agreement that works for both parents.
