Things People Learned From Their Parents That They Didn't Realize Were F**ked Up Until Later In Life

What Is Self-Love?

"In an effort to teach me to be considerate, or not selfish, I guess, my dad said, 'Love yourself last' more than a few times to me. That’s a mess I’ve been untangling for about 35 years."

- Eauxddeaux

Guard Birds

"My mom told me that, on some buildings, there weren’t guard dogs but rather guard birds. These birds were trained to peck your eyes out if you trespassed. I believed this till I was 16 and have been afraid of birds ever since."

- GudatPickinUsernames

Desensitized

"My grandparents were morticians... I remember sitting on an embalming table, swinging my legs back and forth off the table, while watching my grandfather embalm someone and talk to me about what he was doing. I was seven."

"It's honestly a great memory and the many times I had with him like that taught me a lot about how to deal with death, how life is cherished, how different grief can be from person to person, and how to be emotionally strong for others."

"Good guy... Just was very desensitized to his work's more macabre parts."

"To add to this story, my grandparents were morticians for work, owning their own funeral home, but magicians as a hobby, frequently traveling with and training other magicians."

"When my grandfather passed away, we had a special service just for his magician friends. Some of the most famous magicians in the world showed up for the wand breaking, where my grandfather's wand was broken in two."

- Lord_Blackthorn

The Extensive Scapegoating

"For me, it was after they'd duped a child psychologist. I was in what? Second or third grade?"

"But I realized that they were so good at pretending to be the best people in the world that they could act as if I was the terrible one. They would always find a way to pass me as the monster instead of them."

"It didn't matter who I would have told."

- ThrownToDiscard

"As a former scapegoat child, I can tell you, unequivocally, that you were never the problem. They were the monsters."

- ResultJolly7112

The Truth Behind Child Protective Services

"My mom somehow convinced me that 'child protective services' were the bad guys."

"Finding out (well into adulthood) that they take children away from biological parents' care only as an extreme last resort was a bit of a shocker."

"It also makes me wonder just how much she was doing, that she knew was f**ked up, and I just didn't bother remembering because it had always been that way for me."

- DisposableTires

Don't Be a Burden

"Do not ever be a bother to anyone. Solve all your problems by yourself."

- Soobobaloula

"I feel this one. My parents paired it with 'always be accommodating to others.' Made it so I had very few boundaries and always tried to help others even when I didn't want to, but could never ask or accept help when offered. Not a great mix for the abusive relationships I faced as I got older."

- joyfall

"It really hit me when we were walking on a wide sidewalk. A group approached and my mom shoved me off onto the grass, even though the group had plenty of room. Your own kid gets body-checked so you don’t even have the appearance of slightly inconveniencing strangers."

- Soobobaloula

"My oldest kid asked me once, just out of curiosity, 'How come you always have to hop off the path when people are coming? But they never do?'"

"That hit me like a sack of bricks. That it was that noticeable for my kid to pick up. I never made him move, but I always do. Even now. Hard habit to break."

- ahalfdozen6

Intellectual Awareness

"They made me distrust my own intelligence. They talked down to me and treated me like an airhead, giving me a smirk every time I tried to be serious about anything."

"It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned that I am intelligent and gained self-confidence despite the negative self-esteem they had instilled in me."

- Kelbel2525

Drinking and Driving

"My Dad told me he could drink beer in the car if he drank it while the car was stopped. It’s only drinking and driving if the car is in motion. I was like makes sense. I was around four."

- Diggler149

"My dad got me a job when I was 18, so I'd drive in with him. On the way home, he would beeline for the liquor store. He'd drink a half pint and two Budweisers on a 30-minute ride home, three to five times a week. I thought this was just what people did after work on the way home. Crazy."

- dolo_ran6er

Building Credit and Credit Debt

"I was told, 'Don’t get a credit card.'"

"No one ever told me there’s no interest if you pay on time."

"I could’ve built my credit earlier, but they just didn’t want me to spend money I didn’t have and fall into debt with interest."

"Student Loan Debt, however… yeah that was highly encouraged by every adult around me…"

- LetsJerkCircular

"My dad was 'teaching' me about credit cards and said you can just make the minimum payment every month. It blew my mind, and made it seem like free money. Thank god I didn’t take that advice. I pay my credit card off every month and he’s drowning in credit card debt."

- lilmrs-t

Grief is Unacceptable

"If you’re sad, that means the devil is inside you and you need to pray for forgiveness."

"I was six, and my cat had just died."

- AngstyRacc00n

Hold Grudges

"After arguing with a girlfriend and not speaking with her for a few days, BOTH my parents told me separately to hold onto my beef with her like a grudge and use it against her later."

"I've been married to the girlfriend now 25 years this year, never once took my parents' advice, and have NO IDEA how my parent's marriage survived, lol (laughing out loud)."

- mcbrian67

"I have a couple in my family like that. Any time I was at their house, without fail, they would be making passive-aggressive comments, sniping at each other, bringing up all sorts of past s**t, etc..."

"As a kid, I never looked forward to going to their place, because it was always incredibly awkward. Yet, they've been married for close to 50 years. It's like bitching at each other nonstop is their love language."

"My mom always said she was so happy the two of them found each other, if for nothing else than that it spared two other innocent people from having to put up with them."

- DisturbedNocturne

Exposure Therapy

"I always had anxiety as a child, and my mother said the only way to get over it is to deal with the situation head-on. Sounds great until I told her my fear of escalators and she pushed me down, and I fell and almost got my hair caught."

"Another thing she loved to teach me is how self-defense is necessary. Great! Where do I take lessons? There were no lessons.. she said being with my abusive ex was enough of a lesson. I should have learned then."

- throwrathebagelway

Debilitating Perfectionism

"My dad instilled crippling perfectionism in me, which I realized was insane when I got older and people told me to just 'do my best.'"

"When I was in grade school, I would come to my dad with A’s all super excited. But, if it was anything less than a 100%, he would ask for the missing percentage. So, when I had a 98%, he’d say, 'Well, where’s the 2%?' And now, if I do anything less than perfect, I beat myself up."

- Gremlin-o-Chaos

Make It Make Sense

"I was scolded for pouting, stomping my feet, and being sad. I ended up avoiding all of those when I grew up and became secretive about my emotions. Then, they would get mad at me for not opening up."

- sword_of_gibril

While we all like to think the best of our parents, many people have come to terms with the mistakes their parents made, including the false information they were given.

The problem with so much of this information is how hard it is to unlearn, and how deeply traumatizing it can be to discover we were traumatized.