A school teacher who was left bewildered when a married man gave her a passionate kiss has told how her confusion grew when she informed his wife, who simply asked: "Was it good?"
Despite being openly attracted to both sexes, Abbey Quincena, 26, had never considered polyamory until she met married bisexual couple, Patrick and Samela St. Pierre at a yoga studio in March 2019.
But the platonic friendship she formed with "sexually explorative" Patrick, 31, a painter, and Samela, 28, an art illustrator, was transformed when the "sexual chemistry" became too much for them all and the couple confessed their feelings for her.
And, after a series of dates and a night of passion, Abbey agreed to become both Patrick and Samela's girlfriend.
Abbey, of San Diego, California, said:
"It was quite intimidating going into a relationship with two people who were married. I found it daunting, because Patrick and Sam have true love – their love is so deep and cosmic."
She continued:
"At first, I struggled to fit in, because their marriage took precedence – but it's been seven or eight months now and I've found my feet."
"There are so many different configurations to our relationship. There's me and Patrick, who are boyfriend and girlfriend, me and Sam who are girlfriends and then Patrick and Sam, who are husband and wife."
While polyamory was a new phenomenon for Abbey, her married partners had been experimenting with open relationships for some time.
Meeting at the University of Hartford in Connecticut in 2009, Patrick and Samela were "instantly" attracted to each other, fell "madly in love," and eventually tied the knot in 2017.
"Samela and I have been together for 10 years, but for most of that time we've been in an open relationship," Patrick explained.
"From the beginning, we explored non-monogamy – although when we got engaged in 2015, we were monogamous for about 18 months."
He added:
"Sam's had a girlfriend and I've had a boyfriend outside our marriage, but it's not been calculated. We've both been happy about it and we've always been honest with each other. We love each other, but at the same time, we want to be satisfied sexually. It's about new experiences and exploring our desires, too."
"We've tried polyamory, BDSM (bondage and sadomasochism), swinging, and we've had a foursome with an older married couple. I was even the third-wheel for another couple for a while."
But Patrick and Samela were not seeking a "third wheel" for their own relationship when they met Abbey at a yoga studio and insist their feelings blossomed "organically."
"We got on really well at yoga class and we realized we were all Game of Thrones fans, loved art shows and had loads in common," Abbey recalled.
Abbey started spending more time with the couple and, while she admits they all fancied each other, she said the "sexual chemistry" between them was only mentioned a few months later, when she hosted a "Beyoncé Birthday Bash" to celebrate turning 25.
"Everyone had to come dressed up as their favorite version of Beyoncé – it was great fun," she said.
"Throughout the night I noticed Patrick had been flirting with me quite obviously."
"I wasn't really sure what was happening – then, all of a sudden, Patrick pushed me up against the wall and kissed me passionately."
She added:
"I wanted to kiss him, but at the same time I knew he had a wife and I felt so guilty. I pushed him away and ran to Sam and said, 'I'm so sorry, I don't know what the heck is going on, but your husband just kissed me.' All she said back was, 'How was it – was it good?'"
Of course, Abbey did not know that Patrick and Samela had already confessed to being attracted to her and had been discussing the possibility of "spicing up their friendship."
Samela said:
"We both found Abbey attractive and thought she was really cool. We hadn't been looking for a third person, but it happened naturally, and our feelings developed organically."
"We'd spoken about whether or not we should ask her if she was interested in joining us – but we weren't sure. Then, on her birthday, Patrick decided to just go in for the kiss and see what happened."
Explaining to a bemused Abbey that no one had cheated on anyone and they were in fact in an open relationship, the couple then invited her to their house the following day.
"Abbey came around, we cooked a huge feast, and then later we went to the beach to watch the sunset," Samela said.
"It was a beautiful sunset and there was a lot of tension in the air. Patrick and I still weren't 100 percent sure if Abbey just wanted a platonic friendship or if she'd be interested in more."
She continued:
"We didn't want it to be weird or to be intimidating, with the two of us coming on to her. But something about watching the sunset was so beautiful and we shared a kiss and asked Abbey if she would be interested in having more."
Left on tenterhooks, the couple eagerly awaited Abbey's answer.
"If she said no then we knew we'd just keep it as a platonic friendship, but she said yes," Patrick recalled.
"We wanted to take things slow that night, so we gave her a bath, kissed her all over and made her feel comfortable. We lit candles to make it romantic and it was a loving experience. It wasn't just about the sex, it was much more than that."
Following their night of passion, Patrick and Samela asked Abbey if she wanted to be their girlfriend and she agreed.
And in June, the three lovers took a "crazy leap" and moved in together.
"We spent all our time together anyway, so we thought, 'Why not just have all our stuff in one place?'" Samela explained.
"Now it's the three of us and our black Labrador in our double bed every night, but we're all quite small people, so it's not too squished," Samela added.
"It's great to live together, so we can all just chill out at the house, but we love going out on dates, too."
"We go dancing or to the beach and we love going out for food and finding a happy hour at a bar."
The throuple's top tips for an open relationship
- Clear communication is key
- Always be honest with what you desire
- Have patience
- Be clear about your intentions
- Be happy for your partners love as well as your own
She added:
"We do one on one dates, too, because it's important to tend to the individual as well – but the real fun times are when we're all together."
And the throuple has even launched their own podcast – aptly titled Throuple Trouble.
"We recorded the first podcast when we were just sitting around drinking cups of tea. We were just chatting away about everything – including our relationship," Patrick said.
He added:
"The first episode went down really well, so we did a second. Then I made a 'Throuple Trouble' Instagram account, too, and the interest in it just exploded."
"People are interested in our relationship. They want to know all the details, especially if they're considering opening up their own relationships. People send us beautiful stories of their own open relationships, which we love hearing about."
Despite trying to explain what it means to be polyamorous to the world outside, Samela admits that not everyone understands.
"A lot of people get it wrong and think Pat's the main man with a wife and a girlfriend, but that couldn't be further from the truth," she said.
"We've each got our individual relationships within the throuple. It's not like Patrick's the man in the middle – although people misconstrue it and say things like, 'How did you pull that off?' or 'You're the man.'"
Samela continued:
"They think he's the mastermind behind it all, but actually I had the hots for Abbey before he did. He was actually trying to make it happen for us all – not just himself."
Even with their admirable openness, jealousy has been known to creep into their threesome, although Patrick swears that good communication soon solves problems.
"It's about balance, and if an element of jealousy does crop up, I take a step back and take a look at my insecurities that have been bubbling away," Patrick said.
"Communication is so important. If there's something I don't like I just have to communicate it and ask for it to be altered," he continued.
"Likewise, if I want to try something new, I need to first be clear on my intentions, like, 'Why do I want to explore new things in the bedroom?' before telling my partners about those intentions and why I have them."
"There's a word we use within the polyamorous community called compersion."
He added:
"It's like watching someone eating an ice cream and being happy for them that they're enjoying it, rather than wanting to eat it yourself."
Meanwhile, Samela feels sorry for narrow-minded people who refuse to accept their polyamorous lifestyle.
She said:
"I think the only reason people react badly to our relationship is because it goes against their vision of normal."
She added:
"It's much safer to be in an open and honest three-way relationship than to be someone who's settled down for the sake of it, because they can end up chronically unhappy and getting a divorce."
Proving just how strong their bond as a threesome or "throuple" is, the lovers have now planned a ceremony on February 22 to declare their love and to commit to each other for a year and one day.
"Our love is scary and amazing, because we fall deeper and deeper in love every day," Abbey said.
"You never know what the future might hold, but I know for the near future I want to commit to these two," she concluded.
"The love we share is rare. I know no matter what happens in the future they'll be in my life forever. They're my lovers and my best friends."
"They've bought me a crown to wear on the day of the ceremony and it's symbolic because Sam and Patrick treat me like royalty. I truly believe having two people in your heart is better than one."
