Sometimes marriage is just another mistake we make on the long list of mistakes we make in our life. There's a lot of stigma surrounding failed marriages, so we hope that marriage won't end up on our list of mistakes, but sometimes, that's just the way of it.
But better to get out of a mistake quickly than to live through years of sorrow, right?
u/damag3d_g00ds asked:
People who marriages lasted less than a year, months, weeks, days, or even hours. When did you realize you'd made a mistake and why?
Bam
Not me but a friend. Their marriage didn't last through the reception. Groom got absolutely drunk and slaps the brides child from a previous relationship and then hits the bride in the face. She filed for an annulment the next morning.
Groom was a truck driver (long and short haul) so he and the bride didn't spend a ton of time together over their relationship so I guess she didn't know he was like that. The actual assault happened behind closed doors and was kept pretty hush hush until the next morning to save face.
This all happened about 10 years ago and I'm no longer in contact with the bride but last I heard she was doing better and had moved on. The groom had racked up several thousands of dollars in debt in the brides name during the relationship that wasn't discovered unTIL things started falling apart. I think he's in jail now.
A Tangled Web
Wasn't my marriage, but I am involved in the story.
Basically, my ex-girlfriend's boss left his wife ON THEIR HONEYMOON, because she and him were having an affair.
They had the wedding and flew off to Bali, but he was sneaking off into the bathroom to send my then girlfriend d!ck pics from his honeymoon. I saw one of the pictures and confronted her. She admitted to it and messaged him back to tell him that I had found out. My understanding is that he basically came out of the bathroom, told his wife "I think this was a mistake. We shouldn't have gotten married', got on a plane and flew home. Left her there on her own. On her honeymoon. With no explanation.
In the end, I had to be the one to go over to her place and tell her what had really happened because he wouldn't own up to it.
So I think the marriage lasted all of about 3 days.
Don't Change For Jerks
Two months in he told me I was too fat and will no longer be having sex with me. I lost 75lbs in three months (by doing it the wrong way) and he told me he was already seeing someone else. He seemed surprised my parents would no longer pay his bills, and was kicked off their property 30 days later (per laws of my state).
I Just Don't Want This
Not me but my ex-gf a few years ago. Before we met she was dating a guy for about 7 years or so. Due to family pressures, tradition, etc she went and got married to the guy....they went home in separate cars because she said they both realized it was a mistake. Lived with her cousins for 6 months because she was scared to tell her parents.
The Escalation Into Physical Abuse
4 months in he dislocated my jaw. But really what I want to share is the signs were there and people should be aware of them. First it was just grabbing my arm kind of hard. Then grabbing my arm hard enough to bruise it. Then pushing. Then slapping. It took years so escalate. I heard it gets worse. I didnt think too much of it. I thought "im not a wimp and it's every day" Then I married him. Well, let me tell you. If they're grabbing, pushing, or hitting you they will eventually hurt you worse.
Please Talk To Each Other
Not my story, but a fraternity brother of my husband had a marriage that lasted maybe 100 days before they split. Apparently she didn't internalize that marrying a military person would mean moving around, and he just assumed she knew and was good with it.
Too Hard To Move Into
I had some friends that got married and divorced within a year. It turns out she had major doubts but went through with it anyway, then cried for the whole honeymoon and told him she had made a huge mistake. They posted all these normal pictures of them looking happy in Hawaii, but it came out later what a miserable nightmare the trip was.
It Went Downhill Faaaaaaaast
I had a friend who married one of the most horrible people I've ever met. So charming at first, but within the first 3 months of them being together, we all started to notice a few things and we decided none of us liked him. One day we saw hand shaped bruises on her arms, and literally the next day they were at the courthouse getting married. We had a small gathering shortly after, which he ended up turning into their wedding celebration, bachelor party, whatever he could to make it all about him.
He got extremely drunk, and basically tried to kill her in front of all of us. She told us they didn't have their rings yet, but they would get them soon, and he walked over to her and started strangling her for embarrassing him. She ended up breaking down, and realizing that for the entire four months of their relationship, and nine days of their marriage, he had progressively gotten more and more abusive, and she made a mistake.
Some People Just Don't Learn
I had 2 good friends who were brothers. They were party animals. Out drinking at bars all the time, sleeping with different women every weekend, recreational drugs. Their idols were the whole "Jackass" crew back in the day. They just loved that whole bachelor lifestyle, and to be honest, I was a bit jealous of the fun they were having. I was in a longer term relationship for many years. Eventually the younger brother settled down and got engaged to a really nice girl. Something broke in the older brothers mind and he suddenly was in some sort of "race" to get married before his younger brother. He kept living the bachelor life style, but then one day annouced to us all he was engaged to be married and with his fiancé they'd set a wedding date to be married 6 months before his younger brother. None of us ever met this girl before we found out he was engaged. When we did meet her, it was clear he'd not been open with her about his lifestyle. She was a very prim and proper lady. Very shy, quiet. They worked together, so she only knew the professional side of him.
Over the months leading to the wedding, his partying kept going. He was cheating on her with one night stands but she was oblivious. Our group of friends told him he needed to tell her what he was doing, but he refused.
I was nominated to be the one to tell her before it was too late. I met her for coffee and told her how he was cheating on her and the drugs he was using. She was generally taken aback, but she told me to my face, she was still going to marry him and that she could change him. I left with a clear conscience after that.
Fast forward to their wedding day and it is an absolute mess. He is drunk before the reception even starts and passes out in a corner sometime after dinner. As I am leaving, I say goodbye to his bride, and I can see it in her eyes. The definition of regret.
They ended up being together for exactly one year. Her final straw was when she really wanted to go out for a special brunch for their one year anniversary. She made plans at a fancy place. He told her he was going out to party the night before but would be home in time to get some sleep before their anniversary started. He ended up hooking up with some chick he picked up at the bar, and when he finally made it home the next afternoon, his wife had packed her bags and left.
I felt bad for her at first, but then I remembered how I laid everything on the table with her and she still did it. I've never seen or spoken to her again. My friend ended up repeating his pattern. He is on his 4th marriage now, but does seem to have finally settled down this time.
Pressure Aint A Good Union
My cousin was pressured into marrying the guy who knocked her up. They were both 21. When their son was a couple months old, she was making dinner for her and her husband, and asked her husband to feed the baby (who was crying). He said, "No, I'm busy." What was he doing that was so important? Playing WOW. They separated when their son was about 4 months old. She's now happily married to someone else, and that man adopted her son (the bio dad wanted nothing to do with him). The bio dad just died last year from a heart attack brought on my acute alcoholism at 33 years old.
When I Say Cop-Gun You Say Wedding
My brother experienced this.
He had a cop wedding, on the beach - in flip flops - everyone drunkt. And part of the 'joke' of the wedding was that when the officiant asked if anyone had any objections, everyone had an objection. They yelled drunken terrible things at the two of them for a good two or three minutes before he yelled something back like, "F*** it and f*** all of you, I'm marrying this woman regardless".
It was crazy cringe to witness, but he told me after, "You know, I had half a mind to call it off right then as I listened to what they were saying and realized everyone was probably right."
I barely understand any of this. What is a cop wedding?
Did they divorce in less than a year?
The drunk people were shouting things that were true?
My brother married a lady cop. 90% of those in attendance were other cops. It was just a ceremony though, I'm sure they got legally married either shortly before or shortly after what we all witnessed.
Yeah, < 6 months I think.
Well, At Least He Was Honest...?
After we got married, he seemed to feel "safe" enough to tell me some interesting facts. Ie. he liked performing fellatio on men, used cocaine regularly, and that his dad had done time in prison for raping a child. All things I would have liked to know about before I leapt into marriage. I tried to make it work but he didn't do his part.
Life Before 21
I met her as a fellow solder in AIT. She was crazy fun, but then something happened where she failed out and then switched AITs. Before she left, we got engaged after going out for about 5 months.
At her other post, she called and said a few times she just wanted to be with me so she would "fake" a section-8 to get a discharge and come back and join me.
So all this goes down, and as it turns out, it wasn't "fake". She was full-blown bipolar with a few other personality disorders thrown in the mix.
It was about 10 months of holy hell. She had no job, but expected me to support her "lifestyle" on a private's salary. She got a new car, upgraded from an apartment to townhouse, and managed to rack up another $30,000 in credit card debt in my name (I should put her on the card "in case of emergencies"). I didn't know this because she hid the bills.
This doesn't include the physical attacks. She would start fist fights with me out of the blue (sometimes in public just to see if tough guys in the area would react), or run into the bedroom when I was sleeping and just dump cold water on me "just for fun".
The final straw was when she wanted her ex-boyfriend from high school to come live with us, because he was a recovering junkie and needed help. So I put her on a plane to go get him, but with a one way ticket.
She then cleaned out what little cash I had in the bank account, called my 1SG to tell him I wasn't supporting her, but then disappeared entirely.
I looked her up years later, she was busted with said boyfriend for a long string of shoplifting charges and trying to fraudulently claim various benefits from 3 different states at the same time. It was a meth junkie thing.
A 10 month marriage (technically 2 years, the judge granted the divorce after "1 year of abandonment") took me 6 years of working 2 to 3 jobs to dig my way out.
This was all before the age of 21 for me.
I Can Barely Deal With My Own Emotions
I am a wedding photographer and had a couple who got were married for about a week and a half before splitting up, and still wasn't done editing the images. This was my first year in the industry and I think my 3rd wedding ever, the groom tried to use me as his therapist when I gave him the disc and it was a suuuuuuuuuuuuper awkward day in a starbucks. Word of advice for anyone, please don't try to use a 20 year old art school kid as your therapist.
Isolation Station
My ex was manipulative and found every excuse not to meet my friends or limit my time away from my family. Long story short, we ran into one of good friends into the mall and they seemed to hit it off really well. I was happy because I was like, yes, I could finally have a double date, because that's what my friend suggested. But when we got home, she mentioned that she didn't like his job. Even though he was one of the nicest and funniest guys in the world, that was it. I saw that she just purposely kept me away from everyone! And that pissed me off.
She ended up cheating on me with some guy out of the country and we got divorced months later because nobody took anything from each other.
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