People's Best 'I'm Married To A F*cking Idiot' Stories

We all have our not-so-smart moments where we wonder where our common sense ran off to.

But sometimes a person will do something so stupid, that we struggle to imagine how we could be friends with, let alone be married to, a person who could make a mistake like this.

Redditor Careless-Reach1722 asked:

"What are your 'married [or] in a relationship' with a f**king id**t moment?"

Not Worth The Money

"When he got his company truck stuck in a riverbed towing a trailer full of heavy wet sand he had stolen from the riverbed. I had asked him to go to the contractor's yard to get some bedding sand for 20 dollars tops, and he was too cheap to pay that."

"Then I had to pull him out, and it smoked my transmission. He did nothing to check out my vehicle to see if it was alright. A few weeks later, the transmission blew on a hill with no cellphone coverage on the way to the airport, trying to make a plane trip."

"I missed the flight, had to thumb a ride then had to get my vehicle towed and fixed 3000 dollars."

"That's just ONE example of many idiotic decisions he made over the years."

- Fragrant_Pea_4407

Just Another Excuse To Go To The Pub

"When he blocked the toilet by putting a thick paper towel down there and after trying to unblock it for a total of two minutes, he had a tantrum, yelled at me, and stormed out to the pub for an hour."

"Whilst he was gone, I managed to unblock it in less than 30 seconds."

"When he got back, he had another tantrum and went back to the pub for what I believe was emasculating him."

"Good times."

- hyleeevz

Oh, The Irony

"When I told her how a vaccine was made, she said I didn't know what I was talking about and insulted my education."

"When I googled it and showed her proof, she refused to believe it and told me, 'You can't believe everything you read on the internet.'"

- Known-Pear5237

Imaginary Dolphins

"I definitely was not in a relationship with this girl, we were just seeing each other, but she did tell me that she didn’t believe in dolphins."

"Her reasoning? She has never seen one in person."

- Red4pex

A Divinely Guided Relationship

"I dated this guy in high school who called me after our summer reading lists were published and asked me what a paperback book was."

"It took me a second to explain because I was so shocked by the question, and then he didn't get it after my first two explanations."

"We broke up a few months later, and after, he sent me emails 'from Jesus' telling me we were supposed to get back together, but they came from his email account that he had used to send me emails while we were dating."

- t0rtilla_s0up

Haven't Seen That Before

"Not my relationship but a relative. She poured the melted wax from her warmer into the disposal side of the sink…"

"It was a good thing her husband was capable of replacing the drain and disposal. We still bring that up."

- Roadnolongertraveled

An Over-The-Top Personality

"When he poured one-fourth of a bottle of dish soap onto a sponge to wash one pan."

"When he sprayed an ENTIRE bottle of air freshener in the bathroom of my one-bedroom apartment after going number two. We had to open all the windows and sit on the balcony until it was easier to breathe."

"When he admitted he didn’t have his driver’s license AFTER nearly running us into the guardrail going down a mountain pass."

"When he started wearing tactical gear in public and cleaned a loaded gun that discharged into a wall…"

"BONUS: When he called me two years later asking for a reference to a police academy. I said no."

- PeligrosePenguin

Just Science

"I didn’t consider her a f**king id**t for it, but my last girlfriend before meeting my wife randomly dropped in conversation she didn’t believe in dinosaurs."

"I said something like, 'It’s crazy people think that, it’s like not believing in dinosaurs."

"She said, 'Well, dinosaurs didn’t exist."

"Me: …… What should we do for dinner?"

"I was flabbergasted for a week and couldn’t wrap my head around it."

"When she finally asked, 'You’ve been different. What’s wrong?'"

"I basically exploded with, 'Seriously?!? F**king dinosaurs are fakes?'" And we parted ways."

"During the first date with my now wife, I asked, 'Do you believe in dinosaurs?'"

"And she responded with something like, 'Are you an id**t? It’s not a belief… they did, it’s science,' and I breathed a sigh of relief."

- tacticalpoopknife

The Most Perplexing Game Of Pictionary Ever!

"I'm sharing this on behalf of my father, who must have thought this when he saw my mother do this."

"So our family was playing Pictionary with another family, and it was my mother's turn to draw. The category was 'Difficult,' so we all expected a challenge."

"My mother starts drawing and ends up with a very poor attempt at a Chinese person's face and head. None of us are able to get even close to it and we are perplexed as to what she is trying to draw."

"Time runs out, and she exclaimed, 'It's Mao!!'"

"I was like, 'What?! Mao Zedong?!'"

"'Yes, the Chinese leader!' she said."

"I said, 'There is NO WAY a Pictionary card would expect players to draw a portrait of Chairman Mao freestyle. Show me the card!'"

"My mom handed me the card, and I looked at the word under 'Difficult,' and I collapsed on the floor in hysterical laughter."

"The card read, 'Mow,' as in 'mowing the lawn.'"

"My mother will never live that down."

- F19AGhostrider

Not The Hill To Die On

"I knew he was an irredeemable id**t when he yelled at me and said, 'You’re supposed to mop before you sweeeeeeep!'"

- wanderingmind303

"I went silent for a minute after reading this."

- Careless-Reach1722

"I simply died dead when he said that, 'cause ain’t no way, bro."

- wanderingmind303

Endlessly Embarrassing Behavior

"When he asked me if he could use dish dishwashing soap in the dishwasher, I said no and told him what would happen."

"Guess who came home to a kitchen bubble bath?"

"I went out to lunch with my cousin and aunt. She had moved to England from Canada a few years back."

"He asked her if it was difficult learning the language."

"When he told his friends I was his trophy wife, I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I just laughed."

"Later in the car, he told me I embarrassed him, and I told him he embarrassed himself."

"He asked me why, and I had to define what a trophy wife was and why I was not one. I am much more educated and make more money than him, I’m older than him, and I spend very little time on my outward appearance and he definitely doesn’t pay for any of it."

"We are divorced."

- beyoubeyou

"Just In Case" To A Fault

"My ex-wife was overpaying the cable bill. For years. By a lot. Because it's smart to pay more than you owe on bills."

"But that's if they're LOANS, not subscriptions."

"The cable company wound up owing us so much that they had to get clearance from accounting to pay us back."

"It was over a grand."

- Homerpaintbucket

Quite The Engineer

"I was dating a girl, an engineer of all things, we got along pretty well but she was a far-right enthusiast and I'm more of a left person, but okay, fair enough."

"Then one day we were talking about stuff that we diverged a lot like guns, abortion, etc."

"Then when I talked about global warming, she was like, 'Well, but you know global warming is just fiction created by the USA to control the poorer nations and prevent them from growing, right?'"

"And then I was like, 'Sure. Now next you'll tell me the earth is flat.'"

"And she did just that."

- Raigheb

Monogamy Must Have Been Stupid, Too.

"Everything she doesn't understand is just 'f**king stupid.'"

"Home loans and mortgage rates? 'Well, that's the point in a down payment if you pay it off over 30 years, what even is escrow, it's just f**king stupid, why can't they just get us a house?'"

"Flight times. 'Why the f**k are we flying at 12.45? Wouldn't it make more sense to go at 10? It's f**king stupid.'"

"Documentary of any kind 'What, no that's f**king stupid. No way that's real.'"

"Not to mention she could not, or refused to figure out what bills are, how much they are, and when they were due. She f**ked up our savings, multiple times because she couldn't figure out how to write down s**t on a calendar, and I'd have to back pay it all with late fees."

"Don't dare ask to set up a direct deposit. 'That's f**king stupid, what if I need the money for something else that day?'"

"She was so f**king exhausting. Not gonna lie, the day I found out she cheated on me was the best day of my life at that point. Ya boy was gooooone."

- aj_ramone

The ABCs Of Communication

"I dated a girl who dropped a few gems, one was, 'Why do we say words instead of just spelling them?'"

"I stared blankly, asked her to repeat herself, hoping I didn't hear correctly. I did."

"I replied, 'B-E-C-A-U-S-E-I-T-W-O-U-L...'"

"Around this point in the third word, she got a really confused look on her face and said, 'Whaaaaat?'"

"And I said, 'That's why.'"

"Another time, a friend of mine mentioned his dog had a litter of puppies."

"The girl I was seeing said, 'What if human moms could have more than one baby?'"

"I said, '...You mean like, siblings? Don't you have an older brother?'"

"She said in all sincerity, 'No, I mean like, at the same time!'"

"I was shocked. 'You've never heard of twins?'"

"Then she got angry and didn't talk for a while."

"The relationship didn't last long."

- Financial-Creme

It's clear why these Redditors had such visceral reactions in these moments and why most of these Redditors decided that these were not the relationships for them, based on these moments or a compilation of moments like it.

We can put up with a lot, but sometimes, stupidity isn't one of them.