The following tale brought to you by Reddit is an example of what you shouldn't do when checking to see if a bathroom stall is occupied or not.
Redditor "jimmyb207" had to desperately relieve himself and aimed for the furthest stall so that he could release the brown kraken.
But when the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure if the coveted stall was occupied or not, he decided to bend down and check.
He could've knocked or asked if anyone was inside. But he didn't.
And now he must live with the consequences, forevermore.
He shared his story on the subReddit "Today I F'd Up."
"So I'm at work it's about twelve pm today... I get the urge to sh*t real bad, maybe it was the hot sauce on my eggs this morning, IDK."
"I race walk on down to the men's sh*t house, I arrive finally, push open the door and head for the most private stall in the back because I had a feeling this one was gonna be quite loud."
"Upon getting to the door of the stall I noticed that the latch was sort of in between locked and open."
"I didn't think it would be wise to just open the door because it may well be occupied so I took a couple steps back to look under the stall to see if there were somebody's shoes in there that would tell me if it was indeed occupied."
Brace yourselves, and make sure you've completely swallowed your coffee.
"Two things happened. As I bent down far enough to see under the stall, the occupant was looking under the stall right back at me...awkward...really really awkward."
"And given the urgency of the situation, the pressure of my leather belt against my lower abdomen caused me to fart, real loud, at that exact moment."
Giphy
It's practically a miracle nothing else shot out of his caboose.
"I don't know if there are words to describe what seemed like an eternity when we both locked eyes with a loud, slow motion fart going off in the back ground was like."
"Wanting to laugh but afraid it would cause me to shi*t my pants, I waddled to an open stall and let 'er rip."
However, public pooping horror stories from the following Redditors gave the OP a run for his money.
"Last Christmas I was in an airport bathroom stall when I had a similar occurrence. I had to go for the last 30 minutes of the flight but held it because I hate the plane crapper."
"Once we are about to land I'm regretting this as its becoming clear I've eaten something I shouldn't have."
"We land, I rush to the bathroom and get into the only available stall. Things are just starting to happen when a toddler age girl crawls under the door and stands up with a confused and somewhat alarmed look on her face."
"I do my best to cover the twig and berries but there's nothing I can do about the furious explosion of 5 hours ago airport deli sandwich."
"Once the echo dies down my new friend starts to cry but she stood her ground bravely. What I assume was her father has reacted with some alarm however and starts calling her name in rather urgent tone as he paces back and forth in front of the stalls trying to find her."
"I'm almost frozen in shame / shock / realization that horrible smell is me combo but manage to creak out 'in here' between cramps."
"I guess that broke the spell though because my visitor scurried back under the door and she and her father left the bathroom without a word spoken."
"I may never poop in a public bathroom again." – midgetwaiter
"You poor soul, thanks for the laugh. She must've thought you were her father." – mis-moniker
"Duke. I am your father." – UmbertoEcoTheDolphin
People began sharing stories of trauma involving mistaken identity.
"I'm still traumatized by the time I touched a shopping cart and looked up to see not-my-dad. I can only imagine standing face to face with a sh**ting stranger." – summercampcounselor
"I was at this big wave pool when I was a kid. My sister and I were probably like 6 and 8 and mom was with us. This huge wave came and we went flying."
"I grabbed onto someone thinking it was my mom but it was this big bald hairy guy hahah. My sister grabbed onto some lady thinking the same thing. My mom just stood there laughing." – Twallot
"Hell, I made a mistake like that once as an adult. I walked up to my husband who was standing with a group of our friends, leaned into him, and started rubbing his back."
"But it wasn't my husband. It was a friend of a friend I'd never met before. I still die inside every time I think about it." – velmaranony
Redditors were not finished with scary stall stories.
"This happened to me when I was in high school. I played basketball and before games we would all go to the local mall and eat before home games. After eating a slice of Sbarros pizza, I had to go #2."
"I walked into a stall, locked the door, and sat to do my business. Then I hear the bathroom door open and a man with his son enter. The man walks to the urinal and pees and his son just stands there waiting."
"Well evidently the boy got bored and proceeded to get on all fours and poked his head under my stall door. We locked eyes for an eternity. Not knowing what to do, I placed my foot upon his forehead and gently pushed him back under the door." – sirjunkinthetrunk
"When I was like 12 we went on a family trip to Mexico. While we were there we went to see some old Spanish fort."
"I really don't remember anything about it. Although I vividly remember exploring some parts around it and turning a corner in some corridor to find a Mexican man squatting and mid dump."
"As I realized what I'd stumbled into we made direct eye contact. I WILL NEVER, EVER, FORGET THAT MANS FACE. EVER." – Jasperj14
There are some things that remain a mystery.
"Just another reason why bathroom stall doors should go all the way to the floor lol" – allballznotits
"Who in the hell let's their kid crawl around on a bathroom floor?!" – PmMeIrises
"What else are you going to do if you are the one stuck on the toilet and your toddler escapes your grasps, crawls through some stalls from the floor, escapes out into the open and starts talking to everyone?"
"You're in there trying to hurry up, yelling your kids name and sorry in quick succession, trying to make peace with your rapid cycling mood disorder that is just rage and embarrassment."
"Then eventually feeling relieved no one kidnapped your small child while you were halfway wiping your a**." – ilostmytaco
What if the OP was the one on the crapper in his story?
"Imagine this from the other guy's perspective: A man walks into the bathroom, strides with purpose over to his stall, bends over confidently, looks directly at him under the stall, and lets out a massive fart. Terrifying." – Minstrelofthedawn
The stall encounter was an interaction of the ages.
"I think that there are some things destined to happen in your life. There aren't many of them and they will stay with you."
"Unfortunately for you, one was locking eyes, UNDER a god damn bathroom stall, with a dude taking a sh*t and you farting. It's about the worst 'fate' story ever." – DasBeefcat
"I can see them at the Christmas party now. This is Richard, he's my life fartner. Oh! How did you meet? – DasBeefcat
"It was love at first flatulence." – penpointaccuracy
or love at first shite." – joehooligan0303
"They were stool mates." – LestHeBeNamedSilver
"Til death do they fart." – very_bored_panda
The amateur comedians of Reddit never fail to disappoint when roasting OPs.
At least this one didn't shart during his game of thrones.
