Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Self-Sabotage
We all have heard sayings and golden rules that feel really obvious but are harder to put into practice, like "practicing what you preach" and "treating others as you'd wish to be treated."
But there are other points that are more groundbreaking, harder to get our minds fully around, and advice that we'll wish we had learned long, long before.
Prepared to take notes, Redditor BuildingBridges23 asked:
"What's something your therapist said that was life-changing?"
Stop Mother-Pleasing
"You're going to put yourself in an early grave trying to make your Mother happy. Your Mother is sick, and trying to make her happy is like trying to fill a bucket that has no bottom."
"It's not going to happen unless SHE fixes the bucket. You can't fix it for her."
- Moderatedude9
Not Without Your Consent
"I asked him, 'How do you process all of the negative feelings that are projected at you?'"
"He said, 'They aren't my feelings.'"
"I don't think he realized how profound that was."
- wirestyle22
"This reminds me of the 'Buddha and the Angry Man' parable, which has had an impact on me. Thanks for reminding me! The parable goes something like:"
"One day, Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. 'You have no right teaching others,' he shouted. 'You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.'"
"Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead, he asked the young man, 'Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?'"
"The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, 'It would belong to me because I bought the gift.'"
"The Buddha smiled and said, 'That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.'"
- Mitgenosse
"Elenor Roosevelt said, 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'"
"I'd add that no one can make you feel ANYTHING without your consent. It's hard to set that boundary, but technically, all of the feelings come from you. They just put the material in front of you to react (or not) to."
- TheBookishAndTheBard
We Are The Survivors
"He told me, 'The way your parents died will never be the most interesting thing about you. It's not even the most interesting thing about THEM.'"
"My parents died by suicide together and I was worried that it was going to consume me as an individual. I didn't want their deaths or my grief to become my entire identity."
"My brother was worried he was doomed to repeat what my parents did, what was the point of fighting it? His therapist told him, 'You are the culmination of millennia of genes and family experiences. You could take over the story of a relative who was hardy, resilient, and brave. Your parents are not the only people you are related to.'"
EDITED TO ADD: "Thanks for all the support and I'm glad my therapist's words help others as much as they help me."
"I'm doing great and my life is wonderful. As my therapist assured me, I have many more interesting things in my life. Talking freely about my parents in this way on Reddit and in real life, the good and bad stories, have been integral to my grief process which will never end."
- Crazyzofo
"One of my teachers talking about evolution one day told us we were all descended in a direct line from the first life on the planet, which passed through all kinds of transformations and weathered every extinction event and every daily struggle, since life began."
"There were plenty of dead ends that trapped others and plenty that didn't make it, but we are the survivors, all of us."
- dxrey65
The Courage To Get It Done
"When I broke down because I was so fed up with being scared and anxious all the time, he said something like, 'You can’t be brave without being scared first.'"
"It always stuck with me that fear, no matter how overwhelming, won’t last forever, and I try to see it as a chance for me to prove to myself I can fight back and try to get through this."
- AnxiousAxolotyl88
"My favorite book says, 'Courage is doing something in spite of the fear, and stupidity is doing something scary without fear.'"
"My daughter is young and always scared. The first day of school, she was white-knuckling her lunchbox, walking into school half the size of the other kids, but she was f**king DOING IT."
"It was the day that quote came to mind. She was so scared, but she was so brave. I have so much respect for her for that."
- sendgoodmemes
The Tiers Of Friendship
"Not every friend has to be a close friend. You're able to have different kinds of friends (like levels of how close they are or how much you confide in them)."
"I struggle with being a loner, and it affected my mental health a lot because I could count my friends on one hand. I thought of people as acquaintances or close friends with no grey area. This advice helped me appreciate more of the people who I'm not super close with but they still have a presence in my life."
- boohoo_bear
"I love the saying, 'People come into your life for either a reason, a season, or for life.' You just have to accept it and be grateful for the time they're with you."
- lontbeysboolink
Say It Louder For The People In The Back
"Change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change itself."
- SpicyEmmma
And There's Nowhere To Go But Up
"They said, 'Remember, you have survived 100% of your worst days so far.'"
- gobogorilla
Not Everyone Needs A Megaphone
"They explained to me, 'Just because the mentally ill person screaming at you lives in your home instead of on the streets doesn't mean their opinion is any more true.'"
- UnoriginalUse
"The mentally ill person screaming at me doesn't just live in my home; it lives in my head, and I always have to remind myself that what they are saying isn't true."
- KittyKate10778
Cue Tune, 'Time Is On My Side...'
"I was discussing with my therapist that although I’m still young, I felt like it was too late to achieve what I wanted my life to be."
"She very seriously looked me in the eye and said, 'Are you dead?'"
"'Well... no.'"
"'Then there’s time.'"
"It’s a motto I’ve been reminding myself of daily."
- mindfulexhale
They Have To Be Ready To Catch It
"Some people are like a colander. It doesn't matter how much time, love, and support you pour into them; it will never fill them up enough to make a difference. They have to be ready to receive, or in this case, catch it."
- Competitve-Watch188
Live On Your Own Time
"I think my oddly favorite duh moment one was: 'If you’re more active at night, do what you need to then. There is no rule that everything has to be done during the day.'"
"Of course, try to get a solid eight hours of sleep, but where I have the opportunity to, I shift critical tasks to the middle of the night when I’m more productive and do my best work."
- ValBravora048
The Only Person You'll Be With Your Entire Life Is You
"'You need to show yourself the same kindness and compassion that you show others.'"
"I did not expect to get something like that in my second session."
- MrSabrewulf
Forget The Boundary Hoppers
"The only people in your life who will be angry because you established boundaries were the people who benefitted from you not having them in the first place."
- imagine_magic
"A similar point: Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction."
- imagine_magic
An Overprotective Friend
"The anxiety you're feeling is not evil or your enemy, it’s an overprotective friend trying to keep you safe because it once saw you hurt. Do not fight it. Just prove it wrong."
- Plus-Statistician80
"My therapist always told me I’d have been the best back in caveman days. I’d be the one always looking out for danger and keeping the family safe."
- candyapplesugar
"My mom and I both have trouble sleeping until early in the morning, and she always jokes that we’re the night watch around the prehistoric fire."
- greenchilipowder
Remember: Some People Love Potatoes
"As a teen in therapy, I used to call myself a potato because of my ugly appearance."
"The woman I had sessions with actually gave me a small plastic potato replica and had written on it in sharpie, 'Some people like potatoes.'"
"I think it was just the effort she went to trying to help me/cheer me up that really affected me and my judgment of professional help (I was an angsty kid), and after that, I took getting help much more seriously."
- dangerous_bends
"As a gardener, I f**king love digging up potatoes. Like a kid on Christmas morning opening up presents. Some people LOVE potatoes. Hope you feel better about yourself these days, but if you're still calling yourself a potato, potatoes are fantastic."
- heartofscylla
"I saw a motivational poster that said, 'It's okay to fall apart. Tacos fall apart, and we still love them.'"
"That's stuck with me for over five years now. Tacos, and potatoes, and cheesy fiesta potatoes (RIP) rule."
- MazerRakam
"My husband and I called each other 'potato' as an affectionate term, unironically, the whole time we've been together. Because we freaking love potatoes."
"Sweet potato is a loving and endearing term of affection. You've been complimenting yourself this whole time."
- Throw-away17465
It's no surprise that these were stars of the show when it came to therapy session takeaways for these Redditors.
Surely, there's something here for everyone to take away and put into practice, if they're ready to close off some of those colander holes and catch some wisdom.
@sydney_sweeney/Instagram
@HawleyMO/X