Dealing with a roommate's significant other can often pose some challenges.
But false accusations start getting thrown around, things can go from challenging to intolerable in heartbeat.
Redditor nopex110 recently butted heads with her roommate's girlfriend, sparking some household drama.
So she turned to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) to see if her actions went too far, asking:
"AITA for banning my roommate's girlfriend after she kept insisting I was hitting on her?"
The original poster (OP) explained what went down.
"I (24F[emale]) am a lesbian living with my good friend (25M[ale]). I own the apartment; I'm renting out the extra room to him."
"A little over a month ago, he met a girl online, and they started dating. She is now at our place constantly. I'll be honest, I've never really liked her."
"She was incredibly standoffish and rude to me from the beginning. I eventually learned it was because she thought I had a thing for my roommate. Even after he told her I was gay, apparently her only argument was, 'she doesn't look gay.'"
"A few weeks ago, we were all drinking and hanging out at our place with a few close friends. I tried to mend fences by pulling the GF aside and telling her that I really am gay, I have no interest in stealing her boyfriend, and I hope we can be friends."
"She seemed to take this very well, and was OVERLY friendly with me the whole rest of the night. I thought she was just trying to make up for being so cruel at first."
"The next day, my roommate asked if we could talk. He said his GF feels uncomfortable around me after I 'drunkenly hit on her.' Wuuut. I was not even remotely close to being drunk."
"Also, I am negatively attracted to her. Like, way less than zero. I find her insanely annoying."
"I tried to explain that I was trying to be nice, as I knew she didn't particularly like me. I wanted to be civil if she was going to be around often. My roommate seemed skeptical, but he ultimately took my word for it and chalked it up to a miscommunication."
"Fast forward a week or so, the friend group is hanging out at our place again. The GF comes over, of course. I'm cordial to her, but I try to keep my distance so another 'miscommunication' doesn't happen."
"Towards the end of the night, one of our other friends comes up to me like, 'Dude, what is going on? GF keeps telling everyone you've been checking her out and hitting on her all night?'"
"Again, I was stunned. And at this point, incredibly pissed off."
"I went right up to the GF in front of everyone, and said, 'What the hell's going on? Why are you spewing lies about me hitting on you to all my friends?'"
"She just stared at me, unable to respond. I continued, 'Just because I'm gay does not mean I'm into you. Trust me, I am not the LEAST bit interested in you.'"
"She started sobbing that I was attacking her for no reason, calling her out, making her super uncomfortable again, etc."
"I told her to get the hell out, and that she was no longer welcome here for making ME feel uncomfortable in my own apartment. Her and my roommate left."
"Needless to say, my roommate is super pissed at me. He hasn't been back to our place since, but I've gotten some angry texts."
"I'm standing my ground that she is not welcome here anymore, but he is free to stay or move out as he pleases."
"Most of our friends are on my side. I guess I could've been easier on her, but I am just so over it."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Most agreed that the OP was well within her rights to eject her roommate's girlfriend.
"NTA."
"GF is way out of line and needs to be put in her place. It honestly sounds like she's on the verge of trying to pull some gay panic bullsh*t."
"Has Roommate had previous girlfriends while you've been living together? If so, I'd point him to your past experiences and remind him that at no point ever have you crossed the line."—ShoddyWitness
"NTA, she sounds vaguely (or very) homophobic, and she really should not enter your apartment at all if she's going to create drama for everyone there - especially you as the apartment owner."
"I feel like as soon as people hear that someone close to them / near them is gay, they automatically think 'oh my LAWD they got the hots for me cause we both have vaginas and boobies.' That's...not how that works and it's, pretty cringy to think that way."
"Your roommate is also TA, you do not bite the hand that feeds you and puts a roof over your head - even if you're paying for it."—FreakishNightmare
"NTA. It's a situation way too many LGBT people face; just because I am gay and you are the same gender DOES NOT MEAN I LIKE YOU."
"It's your apartment and if she's going to wantonly start drama you're right to kick her out."—BingandBong123
Many also pointed out that the girlfriend's behavior should be taken as a huge red flag.
"NTA. You're gay so her tactic of 'I'm uncomfortable because she's hitting on my man' doesn't work, so she had to change angle."
"She's massively insecure. She needs to get help. Not your problem though."—Cables_For_Days
"If housemate ever returns, this is something to point out. His new girlfriend is clearly insecure and has to create drama about it."
"He probably won't listen, but it's worth stating he shouldn't be surprised when she tries to run off all the females in his life, or insists he cut them off."—Permit-Extreme-117
"Yup, I had a friend whose now-wife did this. He was a good friend I had gone through grad school with and we still had lunch once a month or so into our 30s."
"When he started dating her, those mostly stopped, but I didn't think much about it, because I figured we were just both busy and had trouble finding time. I finally got him to agree to come to a brunch and bring her with so I could meet her."
"She was basically silent and surly the whole brunch - wouldn't really talk or even answer my questions when I asked."
"I shrugged it off as her being hangry, because it was a pretty late brunch, and instead of forcing it focused on talking to/catching up with my friend instead."
"I didn't hear much from him after that, but again put it down him being busy - until I found out he was getting married and I wasn't invited. When I called and asked him about it (legitimately wondering if my invitation had gotten lost), he explained that his fiancee felt I had been really horrible and rude to her and wasn't comfortable around me, and he didn't want to upset her at the wedding."
"This has since escalated to him not being permitted to attend any events I will also be at 'because it would be disrespectful to his wife.' Our friends all think it's ridiculous and refuse to uninvite me just to play into her delusions, so she has now effectively cut him off from his entire friend group from before her existence."
"They also told me that the wedding guest list did not include a single unmarried female aside from his sister - shocker!"
"Anyway, yeah, all these behaviors from OP's roommate's girlfriend are major red flags."—caffeinefree
"NTA"
"This girl seems to have some serious personal issues going on. The fact it started as a 'you live with a girl so you two must be screwing around' and once the 'bombshell' of you being gay was dropped, it morphed into 'you're into her' should be a gigantic red flag for your roommate."
"Girlfriend seems to have a problem with females around her boyfriend. That reeks of insecurity and confidence issues. You don't need to be easier on her."
"Had she told roommate that she thought you were checking her out, yelling at her in front of your friends would have been overkill however she is now dragging your friends into this. Who knows how many people she perpetuated this false crap to that night before your friend mentioned it to you."
"In the end, it boils down to you live there and she does not. Yes, roommate is entitled to have guests but you also have a right to be comfortable in your own home and not be harassed with her BS."—Amraff
If this behavior continues, the OP's roommate might need to start looking for a new place to leave—and perhaps a new girlfriend as well.
