While it's supposed to be fun, dating can be really hard.
That's especially true in the early stages when we're trying to start something new.
The biggest concern is whether the other person will be interested and, if not, what they will say.
Sometimes, people's idea of rejection is absolutely brutal, but a kind approach can make the whole situation much easier.
Redditor theonlinepartofme asked:
"What was the best or most respectful way someone turned you down?"
Very Respectful
"With a very rich kiss, he told me, 'Only because you deserve it.'"
- justlove_cuteboy
Playing Wingman
"You are handsome, but not exactly my type. My friends will love you, though!"
- Federal_List2570
"It would be nice if they actually believed that and then decided to play wingman by actually introducing you to their friends."
- Kagamid
Honesty Is The Best Policy
"'You seem to want a boyfriend, but I'm a workaholic and can't see that in my life right now.' It hurt, but I appreciated the honesty."
- Creepy_line3977
"It's better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie."
- Fantastic-Break917
No Greater Future Than Friendship
"I felt hopeful for our relationship when they stated, 'I appreciate your interest, but I just don't see a future for us together. Can we still be friends?' It was a mature and courteous statement."
- LadyInFantasy
"I dated a girl in seventh grade, had a great relationship (for that age), and then we broke up after three months."
"We ended up becoming best friends, to the point that she was my best woman at my wedding, and I was her man of honor in hers."
"The way I see it, you got together because of something that made you compatible. Even if you’re not romantic anymore, that’s still a great foundation for friendship."
- gsmumbo
Money Money Money
"I asked him out, he said he didn't have any money and wasn't comfortable dating right now."
"I didn't care about the money thing, but I appreciate the clear 'no.'"
"I was around 26, and he was like 31. He had just lost his job. I had money at the time, and I'm not having kids, so I don't care as much about financial security in a partner."
"After experiencing not having money, I kinda understand. I think it's a man thing, though. They need money to have self-esteem sometimes because of gender roles."
- StrawberryLiberry
"100%. I was at a point where I felt like my finances weren't up to par to be dating. Even if the girl said she didn't care. Just a self-esteem thing."
- egodrunk
Not As Gentle As Originally Thought...
"This was with someone I was in a performing group with. She apologized for taking a long time to return my message, complimented me, and explained they weren't willing to cross the boundary of dating someone in the group. She was very respectful, very kind."
"She then dated another member of the group, and later married another one."
- pbreathing
"Ouch. 'It's not you, it's... No, wait, it's definitely you.'"
"I think the lesson of all of these for the 20-year-olds reading is to just be honest. 'It's not going to happen, I don't like you that way and never will, but maybe we can still be friends.'"
- HeckMonkey
The Correct Answer
"I was hired for a brand new hardware store, and there was a hot construction worker during the fit-out."
"I mustered up the courage to ask for his number just before the store opened. He said he was flattered but married."
"We chatted briefly and that was that. He was a nice guy."
- LandoCatrissian_
Very Casual
"I was at a bar doing some day drinking in my late 20s. I was there with a large group of people, as one will do in Fells Point, Baltimore."
"I approached three ladies at a bar table, said a few words, and got them to laugh."
"One girl simply said, 'We’re sorry, we all have boyfriends.'"
"I replied with something like, 'Oh, that’s cool. Well, you all enjoy your day. It was lovely talking to you.' I said it genuinely and with a smile."
"The girls giggled between them, and then one piped up, 'We think you’re cute, though.'"
"I laughed, said thank you, and walked away."
- question1343
No Guesswork Needed
"He said, 'You're an amazing person, but I just don’t feel that spark.'"
"Honestly, it hurt, but I appreciated the honesty more than anything."
- aprilshills
"Yeah man, anytime I've had to turn people down, I've always used some variant of this. It seems simple to me. It's honest, clear, and doesn't open the door for giving reasons in a way that's likely to hurt someone."
- secamTO
A Terrible Gray Area
"They just said they weren’t ready for a relationship but valued my friendship."
- CleverLuis
"For me, that's one of the worst ways to be turned down, especially if they're not into you in that way at all. It makes it sound like they might be interested in a relationship later down the line."
"I'd rather just be told a flat out no."
- djcube
Looking Out For Each Other
"After two months of dating, I'd been falling for her hard and she knew it, so she sat me down and told me that she didn't have feelings for me yet, and that she was going to start seeing other guys (we weren't exclusive yet)."
"She was willing to keep dating because she really liked spending time with me and knew I'd be a good boyfriend for her, but I suspected it'd just be worsening the inevitable pain so I ended it."
"After we split, she texted me that she thought I was a wonderful person and that she hoped that I found someone."
"It didn't stop me from being a little heartbroken, but I did feel valued and felt that like she'd really wanted it to work out."
- xDskyline
An Emotional Support Snack
"They gave me a cookie and said, 'I'm not interested, but I appreciate the offer.' That cookie was my closure, and I will forever cherish it."
- prettyjaiyieeee
No Extra Words Needed
"'I'm sorry I'm not interested.'"
"Short, respectful, to the point and doesn't waste anyone's time. No one needs to explain why and expecting an explanation is its own explanation on why you're not ready for a relationship."
- Kagamid
Absolutely Brutal
"Back in middle school, my friend did that thing where you write on a piece of paper, 'Do you want to go out with me?' and then write 'Yes' and 'No' for the other person to circle."
"Well, she circled 'No,' like, 12 times and drew arrows pointing to it. Then she wrote, 'F*ck' in front of it, so it read, 'F*ck No.'"
"Then she crossed out the 'Yes' with an X, and then wrote, 'See No' and drew an arrow to 'No.'"
"He was so excited because she was writing so much, so he thought she was writing him a note. Otherwise, she would have just circled 'No' and given it back to him instantly, right?"
"We were late middle school kids, so he didn't know how to cope with something like that, so he just didn't talk to anybody for a week."
- The_Splendid_Onion
Kind Closure
"I'd like to be so bold as to answer this question on behalf of that woman that time and say, me."
"I was a waiter. One of my customers wrote her phone number on her check. I called her the next day to say I'm really sorry, I have a girlfriend, but if you ever want to come back to the restaurant and ask to sit on my section, you're always welcome (or something like that)."
"She asked, wait a minute, if you have a girlfriend, why are you even calling me at all?"
"And I told her the truth, which is that I hate when I give my number to someone and they never call, so I'm calling to explain, if I hadn't called, why not."
"She said that was very sweet. It's no wonder I have a girlfriend. Thank you. (I never saw her again.)"
- CarpeNever
While it's never fun to be turned down, the subReddit agreed that receiving a direct answer was better than being left guessing because of niceties and ghosting.
It was easier to move on and stop wondering what could have been when given a simple no, rather than continuing to wonder after "maybe sometime."
