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The Internet Collectively Grimaced After Justin Trudeau Said Face Masks Keep People From 'Speaking Moistly'

The Internet Collectively Grimaced After Justin Trudeau Said Face Masks Keep People From 'Speaking Moistly'
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Erica Diaz
By Erica DiazApr 08, 2020
Erica Diaz
Have you ever read something where you just KNOW the writer talks with their hands, does the sound effects, and would bust out a little dance if it suited the story? That's Erica. She's a colorful storyteller whose sense of humor and fearless honesty make a big impact. Her rants might go for the emotional jugular, hit your funny bone, or shock you and your mama out of your fajas. Usually it's all three. Often chronicling her life in Florida, her stories are full of characters like "Bikini Rifle Lady", "Mariachi Neighbor," and "Barbara The NextDoor Evangelist." There's almost always a message in the madness, and that's what people connect with most. Also her deep and undying love for Tevin Campbell. You can find more of her work at www.EricaFazio.com
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Dear Justin Trudeau,

We get that you're in the middle of a crisis.

Handling how your entire nation responds to a pandemic—particularly when other countries are actively working against you—borders on impossible.

The world is proverbially on fire and sometimes it must feel like it's up to you to put it out. We know everyone is asking a lot from you right now but we need to ask just one more thing.

For your people's sake—nay, the sake of all people—please never talk about face masks again. You grossed us all out, JT—even yourself.

It's not that your speeches aren't clear, decisive and informative without being anxiety-inducing. We actually really love that you took the time during your Prime Minister's address to explain what face masks are for and how they might be helpful.

That kind of factual knowledge helps your citizens make informed decisions regardless of party affiliation. It's just ...

Did you have to say they prevent us from "speaking moistly" on each other? "Speaking moistly," sir?

Really‽‽

Moistly‽‽

You know that word is borderline illegal as far as the English-speaking world is concerned.

You knew it was gross as soon as you said it, too.

The people are not okay right now, Justin.

They're just not.




Having said all that, we have to admit that we might hate it but the phrase is accurate. There are people out there who are, most certainly, moist speakers, aren't there?

They walk among us indeed, Mr. Trudeau.

So. Much. Moisture.



We guess what we're trying to say is thank you for the information, but please never give us that mental image again because now we're never going to stop thinking about the amount of "moisture" flying out of people's mouths as they talk. We'll never be able to look at a crowded game or a concert or even our families the same way again.

Which, we guess means we'll be a lot more conscious about maintaining distance and washing up, huh? Hmm. Point taken.

Thanks, we hate it.

The documentary Trudeau: Pierre Elliott & Justin - 2 Men 1 Unique Determination is available here.

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