It's been a banner couple of weeks for eccentric billionaires obsessed with space travel. Just days after Virgin Galactic founder Richard Branson's launch into space, Amazon founder and richest man on Earth Jeff Bezos just completed a space flight himself.
But Bezos and Branson share one other thing in common. Just as Branson's flight was upstaged on the internet by a photo he took in front of some wildly ugly cabinets, Bezos's has been eclipsed by something even more ridiculous: the undeniable fact that his space ship looks like a giant wang.
Does that sound like nothing more than the sophomoric ramblings of a bunch of internet jerks to you? Well sorry, you're wrong. See for yourself below, at the 1:43:00 mark.
There is no way around it, that is a dick. It has a glans, for God's sake. Did nobody notice this in the design phase?
Given that the ship was at least partly funded by Bezos crushing labor unions and submitting his employees to highly lucrative but often abusive working standards, some might say the shape of his ship is sort of fitting. Perhaps it was a design choice!
Anyway, Bezos finally achieved his dream of space flight this morning, along with his brother Mark and 82-year-old former test pilot Wally Funk, who joined him on his rocket called Blue Balls--er, sorry, Blue Origin, the penis-shaped rocket is called Blue Origin.
After soaring 250,000 feet above El Paso, Texas to the edge of space, Bezos and his pals then descended back to the desert in just 10 minutes, which seems a fittingly anti-climactic, some might even say premature, duration, if you know what we mean. But for Bezos, the short duration didn't dull the shine of what he called his "Best day ever."
Good for him! All Twitter cared about, however, was that he went to orbit in a giant space dong.
Everyone: please give back to society \n\nBezos: JUST GONNA PUT MY BIG OLE DICK INTO SPACEpic.twitter.com/06sr8KJDUo— Pablo Escobarner (blue check) (@Pablo Escobarner (blue check)) 1626789343
The entire internet watching Jeff Bezos fly into space.pic.twitter.com/3g7bxjNETM— Jesse McLaren (@Jesse McLaren) 1626788007
Life is Austin Powers now.pic.twitter.com/G4MPEd0XWv— Karl\u2019s farm hand (@Karl\u2019s farm hand) 1626786947
Jeff Bezos is a coward and a nerd for not also giving his dick-rocket a nutsack.— Josh Gondelman (@Josh Gondelman) 1626786996
Oh look a giant dick is getting launched into space. Also a rocket.pic.twitter.com/eZzGKviyiR— The Volatile Mermaid (@The Volatile Mermaid) 1626783181
I just watched Jeff Bezos fly into space in a dick-shaped rocket several months after getting a divorce. Billionaires' midlife crises are messed up, man.— Brendan Bradford (@Brendan Bradford) 1626787073
Jeff Bezos decided to perform his dick-measuring space flight in a penis shaped rocket.pic.twitter.com/DSPXidauDz— JAKE (@JAKE) 1626787026
Didn\u2019t even last 10 minutes.— Sven Henrich (@Sven Henrich) 1626791422
The one, true Blue Origin.pic.twitter.com/Ul8RL9R2X6— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) 1626788553
That's a bloody penis!!\n\nEven Dr Evil from Austin Powers was more subtle than that...pic.twitter.com/JnFANLviJL— El \ud83c\udf38 (@El \ud83c\udf38) 1626787073
Bezos's dick rocket cost about $5.5 billion dollars to build and launch, which is enough to give all 1.13 million Amazon employees--4,000 of whom are on food stamps--a check for more than $4,867.25 and still leave Bezos the richest person on Earth by about a $50 billion margin. Very cool!
