When we're dating someone, emotions run high, and we focus on all of the good and fun things that are happening, with little regard for the things that might not work out in the end.
But looking back, we might realize just how much we ignored in the name of love.
Curious, Redditor LisaBunny37 asked:
"What's a red flag that you ignored in a past relationship?"
Enemies Among Friends
"He kept putting me down in front of our friends. And for that matter, the friends were laughing and never standing up for me."
"Glad I've moved on from both situations."
- SourCreamWitch
"I guess the 'our' part of the friends are 'his' friends. Your friends won't laugh or not stand out for you during his abuse."
"That's why I advocate having your own friends. You are an individual before becoming a couple. Don't dump your friends and stay with his friends."
- MiddlewareP
Seriously, Why Lie?
"His constant lying about the tiniest things, such as what he ate for lunch that day. Like, why in god’s name would you need to lie about something so minuscule?!"
- NovelEffective2060
"This. My final straw was him lying about feeding our cats. All I was gonna do was feed them if you forgot?! Why lie and make the cats be hungry all day to make yourself look good? It was such sick sh*t to lie about."
- Glittering-Relief402
Not The Right Type
"I wasn’t his type, at all. He mentioned a few times that his type was blonde girls with a more natural and toned-down style."
"I’m an alt-style girl with a lot of tattoos and piercings. I wasn’t just not his usual type or his dream girl, I was barely what he wanted at all."
"I think he at first liked the idea of something 'new' or different from his normal taste, but it became quite apparent quickly that he had put me into a stereotypical box and even assumed I would act more like one of his best male pals rather than a girlfriend (which is funny because I still am very feminine)."
"So he stayed with me for a little bit because of what he thought I could be, soon I think he realized he wasn’t attracted enough to what I was physically, and that our personalities didn’t align as well as imagined at first."
- Good-Bed3685
Calling In Reinforcements
"She would call my mom to complain if I didn't do as she wished."
- YoungBagg
"What the f**k?! That's messed up."
- Temporary-Dog5162
"Seriously, you should dump your MOM for putting up with that crap. She should have shut that down from the first call."
- Burladden
Sibling Love
"He said his sister was the pinnacle of what every woman should be..."
"She used to sit alone in graveyards and talk to God. Kid you not."
- Lonely-ex-cult-girl
"This one made me cackle. You dodged a bullet; the whole family is probably unhinged!"
- Cha_nay_nay
"They ARE unhinged. I totally dodged a bullet. I think about that all the time, LOL."
- Lonely-ex-cult-girl
Deflection And Projection
"He would only bring up criticisms of me as a way to deflect criticisms I had of him. I could do no wrong until I'd ask him to respect a boundary of mine (AKA: check his ego), and then he'd list every mistake I've made as justification for not needing to do what I asked."
"I finally got tired of feeling simultaneously ignored and punished for speaking up."
"I never claimed to be perfect and I'm willing to talk about my flaws, too. I just asked that it be a separate conversation, and not just used as rationale for my needs to be diminished."
- Istan
A Secret Problem
"He always had a reason for us to never hangout at his place. At first, it was nice that I never had to leave my home area but eventually, it started getting weird."
"When I called him out on hiding a secret family, it turned out that he was a hoarder."
- Hrekires
Actually Deeply Inconsiderate
"I dated a man who seemed so open, considerate, fun and funny, down to earth, etc."
"But when I learned how poorly his three kids were faring in life, and how he blamed all of them for their failings, and how indignant he was about them not staying in regular contact with them, red flags were definitely raised."
"When his oldest child told us that I was too good for him, I should have cut and run."
"But then when he left me for the woman in a state across the country he had been simultaneously dating while seeing me (my dumb a** had no idea), my dumba** heart was broken."
- RevolutionaryBee5017
A Perpetual Cheater
"Knowing it was a giant red flag but having the world's biggest crush, I ignored the 'she cheats on everyone she dates, including with me on another one of my friends' flags."
"In my defense, I had been told they had broken up."
"Predictably, she cheated on me. It still sucked but I definitely wasn't 'Surprised Pikachu' about it."
- ryguymcsly
Just Enough Attention To Stay
"Bread-crumbing from a veteran narcissist. Available when they wanted to be. Just enough to keep me on the hook for longer than I'd like to admit."
- jwfowler2
"When I stopped trying to figure out why she was treating me like s**t, I realized what I really was experiencing was apathy. I was already married to her. But it made filing for divorce, and quitting drinking, that much easier though."
"But holy s**t, I feel like I wasted the best years of my life in a relationship that never mattered, and quite frankly shouldn't have happened (I deserved better)."
- Thats-bk
Everyone Is 'Crazy' Except For Them
"He claimed all of his exes were 'crazy' and 'psycho.'"
"I'm sure he's probably telling whoever he's with now that I was, too."
"So take note: if they claim all their exes had issues, take a good hard look at the common denominator and ask if it isn't possible that the individual you're potentially getting with isn't the reason why those exes have issues."
- BlueskyWitch
Questionable Job History
"She couldn't hold a job down. She told me she got unlucky but I quickly realized she was constantly demotivated and lazy."
- Kikme0505
"That sounds similar to an ex of mine who refused to get a job that was 'below her standards.'"
"She was a college graduate, and she constantly got rejected from office jobs or entry-level ones, because of her lack of experience."
"But she refused to work minimum-wage jobs, and remains unemployed for a long period of time."
- mclobster
Not To Be Held Accountable
"Zero (and I mean zero) accountability. She would find reasons and excuses for every little thing."
"I was convinced as time went on I’d hit bedrock and she would apologize for things at some point, but I underestimated her ability to keep digging."
"I should have ended it two months in but she was gorgeous. Lessons learned."
- Then_Coyote_1244
Financially Irresponsible
"He was cheap. He always 'forgot' his wallet when we went out. At restaurants, he went to the restroom right before our check arrived. He 'didn’t know' the party was a potluck. I could go on but my blood pressure is rapidly rising."
- Goodygumdops
Parental Issues
"She refused to move to better opportunity or be a fully autonomous adult because her mom would guilt her at every opening to keep her from moving out of town."
- FlameandCrimson
"Toxic mothers exist and there are controlling parents. My parents were like that until I had enough. I wouldn't be surprised if my exes sung a different tune about me if they knew what I was going through at home and could see me now in comparison."
- CoconutSugarMatcha
We generally like to try to see the best in people, but sometimes we have to be honest for ourselves and for them when something is happening that is a red flag. Rather than continuing to date them to try to be kind and understanding, perhaps leaving them and explaining why could be the wakeup call they need to move in a new direction.
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