There are some couples who you can take one look at, and you know that they're meant to be together forever.
Even for the most perfect couples, relationships still require work, though. There's a reason why most traditional wedding vows specify, "In good times... and bad."
Bracing themselves, Redditor makezinesnotwar asked:
"Happily married couples of Reddit, what are some serious issues that have plagued your otherwise great relationship?"
Lean On Me... Sometimes
"Neither of us has many friends so we rely on each other to meet too many of our needs."
- howyafeelin
"I feel like people who say, 'Oh, but that’s okay because your spouse should be all you need,' don’t understand how much pressure that puts on both partners. No one person can or should be your everything."
- Square-Raspberry560
Outside Forces
"The hardest things have ever been for us was when we let others dictate our relationship."
"My mom was always an enemy of our relationship, and her sister was always against us. As soon as we stopped letting them have opinions on us, our lives became infinitely better."
- TitularFoil
"'Misery loves company' becomes so blatantly true when you are in a loving relationship. This is why it’s so important to have the ability to evaluate criticism for validity instead of blindly accepting it."
- Totsy30
"I learned from my brother and his wife that involving mothers in the relationship is a killer. They had to cut off her mom and do therapy for a while to come back from her meddling."
"Our relationship rule is not to share negative things about our partners with moms and siblings. They generally love you dearly and don’t want anyone to hurt you, so they hold on to all negative things. I only share good things so my family likes my husband. I have a couple of friends who are safe to vent to."
- kaytay3000
Communication Is Key
"No longer a pain point, but is a good reminder: just talk, don’t internalize your stresses/fears/etc. All that happens when you hold things in is that vacuum is filled with assumptions that benefit neither you nor your spouse."
- Avamedic
"I suffered a panic attack two weeks ago because I was keeping everything inside me. Once I told my wife everything I had in my head, suddenly it felt really silly that I was keeping it inside."
"Should have talked more from the beginning."
- MikePap
Clean Clean Clean
"House cleaning is the operational issue that still plagues us 15 years later."
"I tidy and clean as I do things. She leaves everything a mess and wants to have an hours-long cleaning party."
"I agreed to hire a maid IF she can keep things relatively tidy day-to-day. I'll pay for the cleaning. I won't pay someone to put stuff where it belongs and to throw trash away, because the next day, it's a disaster again."
- hammilithome
"Cleaning is probably the biggest issue for everyone who shares a room with another person. It's rare that two people have the same views on cleaning. Some like to do the big cleaning party like your wife while others, like myself, like to keep things clean so I don't have to spend a whole day cleaning."
- terminbee
Smile And Nod.
"Lovely bloke. Married for 28 years. Only man for me."
"But he talks me through his golf games and he plays three times a week. I smile and nod. I figure if that’s our only issue, I’m a lucky lucky woman."
- soozienz
"My wife does this sort of thing. It’s at its worst when someone else has cornered her and put her through a long, boring almost unbearable conversation and then she tells me the story about it, including the long boring. almost unbearable conversation as part of the story in its entirety."
- DancingBear2020
"If I suffered, so must you. Lol (laughing out loud)."
- w1987g
Want And Wanting
"Three words: Different sex drives."
- Equivalent-Ad844
"Yep, I've experienced both being the partner with a lower sex drive and, more recently, being the one with the higher sex drive."
"Both were extremely difficult on our relationship and have been some of the most vulnerable and sensitive times for either of us."
- Rubinovyyy17
No Time To Recharge
"Not enough time for ourselves."
"We both have big families and friend circles. If we are not seeing my friends, we are seeing her friends. If we are not seeing her family, we are seeing my family. This is on top of working long hours and being fairly introverted to boot."
"We have to schedule dates and 'alone time' so we can recover."
"Honestly, I couldn't imagine managing all this with anyone else and I am so thankful for her."
- Shahfluffers
"This is definitely the one! After having kids and having little to no 'village' to help us, we get little or no time to ourselves."
- chubbydomme0528
A Growing Family
"Kids put an incredible amount of stress on a relationship."
- inkyblinkypinkysue
"Almost all of our major arguments have been about our kids. It surprised us because we talked a lot before having kids and we agreed on the big issues. But the devil is in the details."
"We were raised quite differently and what I saw as normal, he saw as too permissive and coddling. He saw himself as strict but what I saw was anger, ultimatums he couldn’t keep, and criticism."
"Kids are grown up now and doing well. We love our kids and are glad we had them, but the empty nest is better for our marriage."
- queenie_sabrina
Not Enough Of A Good Thing
"My wife passed away too soon. I’m still in love with her."
- EarlAnthonyJr7
"Same Earl, last year after 35 years together. I thought we had at least another 20 years. Never knew this kind of loneliness."
- youhavevalls
The Dopamine Chasers
"My husband has a serious phone addiction. He’s always on it, whether it’s in the bathroom, in the bed, during movie night just the two of us, or during meals. We can’t even eat out without him having to check his phone (for social reasons, not even work-related reasons). I’ve discussed this with him multiple times and it’s in one ear out the other."
- ieatnoodlesw_sticks
"My husband is like this, but usually with phone games. It’s because he has ADHD, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. He can put it away, but unless he is doing something he finds interesting, he gets really antsy and fidgety. If we are trying to get something done, I constantly have to tell him to put his phone down and keep going."
"I don’t blame him for needing to keep himself busy, but when it’s getting in the way of him getting stuff done or actually being present, it becomes a problem."
- mishyfishy135
Not So Holly And Jolly
"Holidays. My wife's parents are divorced so we have three different families we're trying to please, PLUS our own. So basically whenever Christmas comes around, we need to find time to celebrate for ourselves, my parents/siblings, her dad, her mom/grandma. It's such a pain having to schedule early holidays and traveling all over the state to visit everyone."
- AFunkinDiscoBall
"We decided for the sake of our kids that Christmas would be at our house. No offense to other family members, but if they want to see us, they can come to us. I'm not making my kids miserable driving around all day and having people upset that we spent 33 seconds more at her parents' house or my parents' house. It's worked out great."
- Imaksiccar
A Sharing Balance
"I am an over-sharer she is an under-sharer. Multiple times in our relationship, she hid things from me because she didn’t want me to be disappointed in her Lost wedding ring or multiple car accidents (small but still required paperwork)."
"We have been together for almost 20 years. She has learned that if I’m not over-sharing, I am not in a good way. To this day, I still need to probe her when I think something is wrong."
"Together we communicate very well except for the few extremes noted above. We are both planners so constantly talking about what we have going on is a good way to keep communication open."
"Also... kids."
- Vectrex221
Maybe, Just Maybe, Money
"Money money money money MONEY... MONEEEEYYYYYYYYY."
- JnyBlckLabel
"And also money."
- mbrine11
"You forgot to mention money."
- ncramer09
Hard, Hard Work
"Our marriage didn’t start being as amazing as it is now until we both put in the work in couples therapy and individual therapy."
"We were both two severely traumatized individuals who weren’t communicating with each other in a way we both understood. After we got our handy translator, d**n, it has been amazing."
- pataconconqueso
Stubbornness Does Not A Good Relationship Make
"Stubbornness. You CANNOT be stubborn in a marriage. You must be able to give, take, be self-aware of your giving and taking, and be able to communicate about the nature of each other's gives and takes."
- rippa76
"Stubbornness is one issue. Their child, 'Looming Resentment,' is another."
- neja
These are arguably great examples of what can really hurt a relationship without necessarily completely ruining it. While some of these might be deal breakers for some people, they are likely bad headaches for others to resolve.
At the very root of all of these is communication and a willingness to listen, so people can talk about the problems they're having in the relationship and look for a way to work through it, together.
