Love makes us all blind. Oh heck, lust makes us straight up blind and stupid. We all need to start paying attention to the people who are just using and abusing. Don't get used up for another person's agenda.
The signs are always there. In NEON and FIRE. All you gents have to do is open your eyes.
Redditoru/Darkbrotherhood1wanted to know what red flags the men out there need to see sooner than later by asking:
Guys, What's a good sign that a woman is just using you?
There have been a few vixens I've saved some men folk from. But it wasn't easy. And sadly, straight, cis men never seem to learn. Be aware boys, black widow is not just a movie title.
How are You?
kim kardashian GIF by KUWTKGiphy"Does she ever ask you how you're doing (more than superficially), or seem interested in what's going on with your life?"
Needs
"Pretty much the same as when any person is just using you -- the relationship feels unbalanced and unequal, with you giving more than you are receiving. In a good relationship, friendship, whatever, both people are giving what they want to give without coercion and both feel adequately rewarded for it."
"Sometimes one person needs more, sometimes the other, but it evens out over time. When you feel like you're being coerced into giving more than you really want, whether that's with force or emotional manipulation or whatever, you're being used and you'll eventually resent it."
- munkymu
Off-Character
"Anytime you try opening up, you're acting off-character, selfish, an @ss, etc. it's usually the typical pathetic manipulation people pull to make you feel bad for either standing up for yourself or just trying to be you."
"I guess this behavior depends on how far into the relationship you are with those types of people. For instance, in several of my own interactions with people that eventually ended up using me, they were very keen on making me feel comfortable opening up and being vulnerable to establish that kind of connection and desire for more of it. Then, much later on when I was sufficiently hooked did they start with the negative reactions and manipulation."
Amen
"Your issues aren't worth talking about, but she will unload all of hers on you."
"Amen. Got out of a long relationship that turned into this just 6 months ago. Would sit and moan, whinge and kick off about the most infinitesimal things for hours but when even serious issues came up in my life like my brother attempting suicide, her response was "well he's an a**ehole anyway."
The Cycle
femme fatale smoking GIFGiphy"She doesn't act that interested when you are interested, flirting, contacting her, but when you stop, suddenly she is very interested and contacts you, a lot until you act interested again, the cycle then repeats."
People Describe The Worst Adult Tantrum They've Ever Witnessed | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
See there? It's all very subtle. And this not to say men aren't just as bad. But we're focusing here for a certain purpose. Let's siphon out the ladies who have ill intent.
Single Side
fat honey boo boo GIFGiphy"One-sidedness. When she expects you to do things that she wouldn't do herself."
Blood Suckers
"Energy vampires. You should look that up, but basically selfish people that only care about themselves will unload all their emotions and problems onto you to feel better, but will never ever reciprocate because they feel their issues are important and don't view yours as important. It's about them and never about you, unless it affects them."
- Mugen593
"I was super into a girl that I worked with and we would hang out all the time after work. However, I was never getting anywhere with her. I know I had made my intentions clear and she never told me it would never happen...but just kept the possibility of it happening open. I eventually saw the writing on the wall and moved on and met my wife. I tell you, the second I stopped pursuing her and started acting like just a friend."
"She flipped on a dime and started laying it on strong. I would like to think that I was smart enough to not fall it. The reality is I was so smitten with my wife that I don't think anything could have made me notice another girl. If I had moved on to anybody else besides my wife I probably would have fallen for it all over again."
- Ashotep
I Hate Tangerines
"I was "dating" a girl who said she was too busy to go on a date on Saturday, and that she was only free on Tuesdays. She also said that she wanted to date other guys while dating me. She later admitted that she was cycling boyfriends through the week for free food. I dropped her like a bag of moldy tangerines."
Dinner?
Episode 1 Food GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy"She never calls you by your name and you find out you're labeled "free food" in her phone."
"happy pill"
"A girl once called me her "happy pill" a nickname her therapist created cause I genuinely made her life so much better but she cheated on me anyway, My friend told me that you only take a pill when you need it and i've lived by that and use that as a filter for all my relationships."
Lungs Away
"She's in desperate need of a lung transplant and is always complementing you about what nice lungs you have and making offhanded comments about how you don't use your lungs much and could probably do okay without them."
Qualities
"She's always making posts telling her friends where you took her for dinner, birthday, holidays, vacation and what gifts you've given her, but never once does she say anything about any unique qualities she finds attractive in you."
"But how do you know she doesn't mention this to her girlfriends via text or conversation? Do you really need the internet to see something that's between the 2 of you? I personally cringe at those love declarations via social media, that's private stuff."
Tinting
Rose Colored Glasses GIF by StickerGiantGiphy"There are no signs big enough what will be visible through rose tinted glasses."
Let me tell you...
Oh, I can answer this one.
- When asking you for something (time/money/physical effort), if you say yes, she will almost always and immediately look for something else to ask you for that is related. eg: "Can you stop and pick up those hair things for me? [I say yes] Ok, can you also stop by the shop next door and get me that thing I like?" This kind of things isn't a big deal on occasion, but when it's a repeating pattern, it's a red flag.
- She will point out how much she messes with you and how "it's for you."
- Will treat any/most of your interests with disdain or indifference.
- Doesn't ever really care what you have to say.
- When you attempt to point out any inequality in the relationship, she will get extremely defensive and attack you for being selfish, and tell you you need to be more supportive/giving/"a real man." - mostlyBadChoices
Don't Speak
"If she has other men in her life (in whatever capacity), but you're not allowed to even speak to another woman - even an established platonic friend - without her flipping her crap. You are nothing to her but a source of drama and validation. Run (do not walk) away."
- belbsy
Liz!!!
"When she flirts with you all the time, and also everyone else, and asks you to come over to do complex electrical work and says she'll take you out to dinner, and you agree because you like the work and like being around her, but she brings her kids along and ignores you the entire time."
"Then when you're not around her she never texts or calls and just waves at you when you pass her at work every day, making no effort to talk to you whatsoever. And when you try to talk to her she gives you short answers like "Yeeeaaaaah"
"Forget you Liz!"
Flashed
"Idk if it counts but when she takes A LOT of time to text back most of the time but as soon as you invite her to a really good place (where she won't have to pay for anything) she is suddenly faster than Flash to respond and now answers quick as long as the topics are about going to said place."
All the Small Things
"Small things like body language whenever you take her out could be decent indicators... If she doesn't really seem all that into you but chooses to go out with you anyways and she's getting something out of it (food, materialistic things... Etc)".
Kim? That you?
Pay Me Kim Kardashian GIF by GQGiphy"Always checking her phone, always talking and texting to someone else on her phone and spending your money."
Sometimes... they're just not that into you. And life will go on. Skip any and all drama. And know your worth. BAM. Lesson learned.
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