Rumors are nasty. They are unverified factoids designed to shame someone who is seen as disagreeable.
They have a tendency to spread like wildfire, and once the momentum kicks in, the rumor is virtually impossible to stop because people will believe what they want to believe. Sounds familiar, right?
On the other hand, there are the kinds of rumors that are just so incredibly ludicrous, it's hard not to laugh.
Curious to hear from strangers online who were left in stitches over ridiculous gossip about themselves, Reddtor ad_ch asked:
"What is the funniest rumor you've heard about yourself?"
Announcements
People love hearing big news. So when none have been announced, just make it up!
Didn't Put A Ring On It
"Someone texted me congratulating me on being engaged. It turns out some girl back home that I saw while I was on leave brought one of her mother's rings to school and told everyone I proposed while I was there. That promptly ended any communication I had with her lol."
Love Is Love
"That I am lesbian. I guess it was because I haven't had a boyfriend till I was 20 and because I was openly supporting LGBTQ community. It was funny because people were counfused and were asking my sister about my orientation."
– MawaSawa
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It's Criminal
These Redditors were seen as really bad people who did really bad things.
The Maybe Drug Dealer
"In school someone spread the rumor that I was a drug dealer and some really believed it. I was such stiff who didn't even taste alcohol or cigarettes because I was underage."
Double Murder
"Started a new school. The reason...I killed my grandmother and mother and was forced to. You know...the typical punishment for a 9 year old who committed a double homicide. Switch elementary schools."
– Huck4108
Folsom Prison Blues
"That I murdered someone just to know what it felt like. I assume someone from high school overheard me singing Johnny Cash and didnt recognize it as a song."
School Rumors
Students love to gossip about anything. "Did you hear about...?"
Yes, we've heard them all. But maybe not these:
The Campus Resident
"That I lived inside the school i think this came from me wearing the same clothes every day but in reality i had a lot of the same clothes that were really cozy."
Undeserved Ranking
"I was ranked 3rd best fighter in high school before I'd even been in a fight."
– kido86
Snippety-Snip
"In middle school there was a rumor that went around about me needing an emergency vasectomy. It got so bad that the main office called to wish me well."
– kain378
The Feared Computer Nerd
"In the early 90s I was the stereotypical computer nerd at my high school. There were very few of us in my high school who knew anything about computers. I was into phone phreaking but didn't really tell most people. Mostly I was just the skinny kid who wore nerdy tshirts. I was sort of surprised I never got bullied and school was pretty uneventful."
"We had a mini five year reunion that some people went to. I mentioned the stuff about bullying and someone I'd known since grade school said 'Well everyone knew you got angry at someone and changed all their grades to F one semester so even the worst kids were afraid of you.'"
"This was a total shock to me. I never learned much about hacking much less knew how to change people's grades. But hey... kept me out of trouble so it worked out in the end."
– bg-j38
Oh, Brother
These things people said about brothers are just wackadoodle.
Dead Brother
"Not me but my brother."
"He collapsed at work and was rushed off to hospital in an ambulance. He recovered and was back in the office the following week and was talking to someone who asked if he'd heard about the guy who collapsed last week and was taken off in an ambulance? Apparently he died …"
"I suggested to my brother he should have offered to start a collection for the family."
The Flex
"My little brother told people I was Japanese and that I did boxing, because he thought it would be a flex
Turns out more kids believed him than what I'd expect and they all were deceived to find a skinny caucasian guy instead."
When I was in middle school, the rumor had gotten around that I held a black belt in Karate. I've never taken Karate.
Obviously, the origin of that rumor stemmed from me being Asian, and it was presumed that all Asians were martial arts experts.
My prepubescent peers were so racist. Yet, looking back, I do have to chuckle over the fact that the rumor may have protected me from being harassed.
They must've thought I could easily Karate chop their heads off if they ever antagonized me at school.
Why they stopped believing in the rumor by the time I got into high school is beyond me. I didn't get majorly bullied but there were occasions where I wished I was a martial arts master. Sigh.
Jane Rosenberg
Jane Rosenberg
@arianagrande/Instagram
@arianagrande/Instagram