What People Are Really Doing When They 'Freshen Up' In The Bathroom Before Sex

We all take that little extra time to spiffy up before sexy time.

I meditate that it goes well. That's me.

Checkpoints

"Emptying the tank, cleaning up and quadruple checking my smell."

Lilium_fur2

"The classic wash service where you get up under the chassie and clean under the mats."

Successful-Clock-224

The Stank of It...

"Fart."

SnoSlider

"I remember one time with my spouse, I was about to finish, and I just couldn't hold it anymore. I let out a thunderous, earth-shattering roar of fart and stank up the room. Sex was done after that."

Marty_McDumba**

"If I’ve been around him all night I’ve probably been holding it in. So far I have a perfect record, I’m not about to let one slip."

OphiliaBedelia

"My husband always has to let one rip after he finishes lmaoooo."

PopcornHeadA**

The Cleanse

"Washing my testicles like I'm about to put them on Ebay."

RearEchelon

"I’m just giving them a pep talk. 'More than 20 seconds, ok? We can do this!'"

DatabaseSuspicious44

"As everyone should be doing prior to sex! B*lls or no b*lls, clean your stuff before coming into contact with another human being."

walled2_0

Carrie Level

"Honestly? I'm anxiously checking to make sure I didn't spontaneously begin a Carrie Level Period. It's never quite happened this way, and yet the seconds before I know for sure, I'm picturing Red Seas type crap happening, every time."

gailynba

"In German we have a saying: 'Ein echter Pirat sticht auch ins Rote Meer.' Which roughly translates to 'A real pirate also sails the red sea.'"

meistermichi

Holler!!

"Calling my mum to give her the good news."

CrunchyBitsOfFun

"'I called my parents right after I was done! '- The Lonely Island"

darthurface

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Basics

"Washing my hands and checking my nails."

Burned-Shoulder

"I read this as 'washing my hands and checking my email' and was like, how courteous but also efficient."

Capt_nCrunch

Traction

"Usually I am just putting combat boots on for better traction."

isaiahaguilar

"You gotta just flip the crocs into sport mode. Saves so much time and isn't as bad on the hardwood floors."

4Eights

"Might want to remember this, last time I kept my socks on and was on laminated flooring, it looked like I was skiing the way my feet kept slipping…"

Lumanus

On Empty

"Taking a leak."

"I prefer not to do it with a full bladder, personally."

Ok-Control-787

"Yup, I can't finish if my bladder is full. Also refreshing if needed (splash of water etc). I prefer shower before sex, everytime, even with my current partner."

Vostoceq

Secrets

"Rummaging through your medicine cabinet."

WearyDragonfly0529

"Ah, I see my friends are here..."

TheColdWind

"No thanks, I’m trying to quit."

WearyDragonfly0529

Now What?

"They're logging into r/AskReddit, 'People who've had sex—WTF do I do now???'"

Darnitol1

"From the posts I’ve seen on here, this is not unlikely. 🤣"

isayfckitwhenifeelit

Don't stay in the bathroom too long. Get down to business.

Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.